Hi, I have been married for 9 years, we have a 5 year old boy and I am 4 months pregnant. I have just found out that my husband had an affair about 1 year ago (I was pregnant then too, but had a miscarriage). After I confronted him, he told me it was just stupidity and sex and nothing else. Before I knew this we talked many times about the issue, that if something like that happened, there was no second chance. I realized that after I knew,I dind’t want or couldn’t end our marriage, but I believe it would be quite difficult to get through it. As everyone else, lots of thoughts come to me regarding how did he made love to this woman. However, I’ve read a lot about the importance of honesty and how it should rule our lives from now on, so I also told him I didn’t want to know anything else, but after all I read about honesty I don’t know if it would be a good idea to know if there were more and try to find out why has he been vulnerable to this kind of situations. I know it may be more painful, but then there will be no secrets. What would you recommend?

Mia, welcome to MB. Sorry for the reasons you are here.

There is a lot of information for newcomers. It might help if you post your questions in another forum than Poems--that way it won't get overlooked hopefully. General Questions, Emotional Needs, In Recovery, etc are good places.

It might help you NOT to know everything about your H and the OW. Just ask what you both can handle for right now. Work on the issues that will bring healing about.

Will your H go for marriage counselling? I've noticed that miscarriages often are too much strain for a marriage to bear up under. But if you are willing to forgive your H and you both want your marriage restored, then there is a lot of reason for hope.

I'm sure others will be along to welcome you soon, too. Take care.