This "poem" (or something like it) is a free flow I wrote last night. It's about feelings I had forgotten I was capable of having that "visited" me last night as I attempted to call an old friend who just moved back into town.

<Visiting Stranger>

I was somewhat disheartened by
the lack of quality women
or so I thought
But what is this feeling that
brings such a euphoric high to my
otherwise mundane week
Why is my heart suddenly racing
as I never thought it would or
even could again
Somewhere in the mix of it all
I guess I figured my heart had been broken
beyond recognition
Yet here I sit, needing to work
but only able to think about her
and what could be
Attempting to call last night
turned out to be quite an ordeal
which was very unexpected
given my recent successes in the
forcfully aquired lifestyle of the
"single guy"
Phone in hand, my mind went rampant
searching for words to say or the
proper re-introduction
Not since first meeting my last love
have I felt so inadequate to even
speak to a woman
Staring at the number with dial tone
echoing in my ear, I must assure myself
I'm 25
Not a teenager, this isn't high school
and I shouldn't be this nervous about
calling an old friend
Remembering how easily I found it to strike
conversation with my previous dates I
attempted to calm my nerves
Knowing that young mens love then lies not
truly in their hearts but in their eye's
I thank Shakespear
for the wisdom and attempt to check my motives
ensuring chivalry is still intact, which
it is
But with every thought given to the matter
I understand that here is a woman who absolutely
fascinates me
No more games, no more bravado, no more
"industry of cool", but finally something real
or more importantly
someone real. And that leaves me once again
staring at the number with the operator now asking
me to hang up and try again
Each moment I contemplate dialing I know I am a step
closer to hanging up and retiring to my
study for the evening
I have to act now before losing the nerve I spent an
entire day building up in my shallow attempt to
gain confidence
Blocking all further thoughts, logic, reasoning, and delay
I quickly punch in the digits now committed to memory and
pace as the count begins
Each passing second I contemplate hanging up the phone yet
the advent of caller id acts as a mighty defense to my
reflex
After the fourth ring my nerves subside as reality interrupts
my fantasy to tell me I will have to work up the nerve
all over again
I hate this. But I love this. Maybe nothing comes of her
and I. Maybe the relationship never goes beyond a simple hello
and exchange of pleasantries
Or maybe I'm facing jitters of calling my future wife
and will someday look back with great amusement as I recall
the story for her
I realized something through this that I really needed to learn.
Life isn't over. There will still be good times. There are still
women in this world
Who can captivate my mind. My days have new perspective and a
noticeable spring has moved into my formerly winter
steps
Maybe tomorrow. Yes, maybe tomorrow I will try once again
to overcome my fear of rejection and speak to someone
who I truly think
could change my life forever.
Until then......

<small>[ December 13, 2002, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: roman77 ]</small>

Jay,

this is so good! Please keep us posted! Are you a professional writer?

Hey 2002es!

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. No, I'm not a professional writer (although that would be a great occupation). I'm a Network Engineer who just likes to write.

I'll certainly keep you up to date on this situation as I write more about it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
This is really a tough one. See, this is a woman I *really* like, but there's a problem. She's an amazing Christian from an amazing Christian family. Being divorced and 25 is the Christian equivalent to leprosy (or so it seems). Guess sometimes I feel like I won't even have a chance due to my divorce. I especially hate it because it was my ex who had the affair, got pregnant, and then decided to divorce me.

Oh well. I'm going to keep trying to walk closely to God and let him take care of everything. Wish me luck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 16, 2002, 09:53 AM: Message edited by: roman77 ]</small>

Jay,

I'm so sorry to hear what your wife did - it really stinks. I was the betrayed spouse as well and it's really no fun.

But it's no reflection on YOUR character - it's a reflection of your exes. My God, Jay, you DO NOT have leprosy just because you got a divorce! I'm also a Christian (with leanings toward Buddhism) and as a Christian I have compassion and understanding. Christians are not supposed to be judgemental - unfortunately small minds are rampant in all religions across the world these days.

Take care of yourself, Jay and have fun with this! You should know that there are many, many, many women out there who you will meet in your lifetime who will excite you. Your ex is not the only one and this fantastic woman is not the only one either. The only limits are the ones you are placing on yourself.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story Jay, it's a lot of fun and we're waiting to see what happens next!

Esther

jay-what a deep soul for only 25! Well, I am pretty close to you in age, so don't take that offensively...
I have always enjoyed your poems-visually and spritually brathtaking...
and I really FEEL you experiences, which is important in a good poem...to be transferred out of your world and into the poem..
awesome!

Thanks carina =)

I always enjoy reading your poems as well. You're pretty close to my age? How old are you?

lol
I am 26..so there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Well, well. So I'm not the only person in their mid 20's who's already divorced <lol>. Sometimes it feels that way....