<abrupt and innocent>

music blaring but it's midnight
turn down the stereo
so you can hear me though
nothing's said cause nothing matters
our mingled diatribe
with voices i describe as
duplicit thoughts with double meaning
lack of substance yet
so revealing

and i can't help but laugh
how i cried on your behalf
so you could feel more like a person when

seven shades of nothing held you
replaced your problem with
bigger problems if
the woman i once knew was here now
even shame would be
ashamed of you and me
so shallow and self deprecating
abrupt and innocent, you
left me standing

and i can't help but laugh
how i cried on your behalf
so you could feel more like a person

<small>[ January 15, 2003, 12:16 PM: Message edited by: roman77 ]</small>

How do you do this??? Brilliant. Hope everything's well with you.

Esther.

Hey esther!

Things are actually going quite well. Funny how people always talk about the fog that comes over the ws, but never the fog over the bs. That's what this poem is about. How ridiculous I acted in trying to get back a women who was openly and cruely having an affair.

It's just funny to look back now over our conversations and see how I tried to accept blame for her affair, and she gladly placed it on me. To see how my ex took one problem (an imperfect marriage), and replaced it was some huge problems (considering she's pregnant by the guy and she doesn't even like him much).

Anyways...Guess my fog lifted and I began to see things quite a bit more clearly. It's just nice to see things from the perspective my friends and family had been telling me about for months (I just thought they didn't understand).

How are things with you?

take care
jay

Hi Jay!

thanks for asking, things are going great. I know what you mean about the fog over the BS as well, I accepted a lot of blame when I first discovered my husband's affair. It' so nice to hear that you are "seeing the light". You are going to be just fine and a stronger and far wiser person because of this. Isn't it empowering? I wonder, though, if we will always have a wall around our hearts when it comes to fully loving and trusting again.

Jay, I'm so glad we are starting a new year. I feel like a new person, so much stronger and wiser. I learned not to be dependent on anyone and am going back to school for my MBA! I work out every day and am really taking care of myself. It's an amazing change from the roller coaster ride I was on last year. My God, I even thought several times about going out to the garage, closing all the doors, and letting the car run. I can't believe it because I was always such a strong and positive person. This event has definitely changed me but I hope to come out of this a much stronger and better person.

But it's still so hard sometimes. I still get depressed and angry although not nearly as much as before. I still come to this website to read poetry and seek peace. Will we ever find peace again?

Esther.

HI! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I thank you for that awesome contribution!
I have finally decided to write a poetry book. It is going tobe a collection of my works surrounding love, sex and relationships.
It is to be titled "Chasing Eros"
I thought that perhaps I could implore you to do the same-you are so talented, nothing would hurt trying to gather your ideas together!
You would probably have a much better chance at it than I <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

esther - It's great to hear you are taking care of yourself. I feel like I'm starting to find life again as well. I certainly know what you mean about the garage thing. I was a flick of the wrist away from ending it all just 8 months ago. Funny how much perspective can change in such a short time. I was reading from Genesis this past week about Joseph and how he was sold into slavery by his brothers. He was then falsely accused and spent the next 5 years in prison. I can only imagine that during all of this he thought his life was awful and couldn't understand why God would allow this to happen to him. But he ends up as the second most powerful man in Egypt. When he sees his brothers years later he says, "What you intended to harm me, God intended for good." I have a feeling that someday I'll be saying that same thing to my ex.

carina - I'm sooooo glad you are putting together a book - you certainly have the talent. I do keep all my poems in a book, but I don't know if it will ever go any further than that. Maybe someday. I just don't know where to go with it or where to start. Best of luck to you. I would love to read what you have anytime. My email address is jkillion1977@yahoo.com so feel free to email me some thoughts anytime.

jay