Sometimes you just have to breathe. Sometimes all you can do is breathe.

You feel too much. You've gotten too angry, too afraid and lashed out. Later you realize the great degree to which the anger was directed at yourself. Entirely. That deep in your soul, kind of contempt lives. Self -contempt. Peaceful exterior, but each day the war rages inside. Maddening, frightening. It is as if you were to be opened up, and inside screaming, tearing, biting frantic madness would come rushing out. Keep that door locked - danger lives on the other side.

The will struggles and fights with deep emotion and longing. You know your love burns and can not be extinguished. Don't dare look at it - you realize it is actually growing. You beat it down. Silenced screams are always the loudest. Self- protection, self-preservation of the facade. Pull back in anyway you can think to do it. Haunted by the fear that you've already lost, haunted by the fear that you have actually wanted to lose.

Sometimes it hurts to breathe. Sometimes it doesn't help to think.

<small>[ May 11, 2004, 10:14 AM: Message edited by: Dawnn ]</small>

<small>[ May 12, 2004, 10:19 PM: Message edited by: Dawnn ]</small>

Dawnn...

You are a captivating writer. I seem to feel the range of emotions you convey in your writings. It's almost like you are able to take words and transform them into something...that might fill an Easter balloon and sent along it's way with a message wanting to touch a heart in a far away place.
You really have a gift. Not sure why I know this, but I just do.

Blessings to you friend.

< we know so much >

a door
to be gotten through
one foot
and another
the twist of a handle
then opening
leaving
all we did
all the sad words piled up
having
to be waded through
us
and that door
while outside
the sky sweeps
but what does the sky know?
the sky always sweeps
and the clouds
must do their part
like us and our words
one after the other
and we know so much
we know our first kiss
from our last
just how to love
but don't

how long has it been? awhile? forever?


yes.