Here is last Poem I will post for awhile since I wish not to load this forum. They are from my heart and hopefully others may find scraps within them that can help explain what they may be feeling.
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Call Me Fool

I wish for now the time of old
Where trust was not an illusion
Where men and women joined as one
And faithfulness was just the fusion.

There are few items that bind a marriage
To make a lifelong dream
Be it love, or a friend to have
A companion for you it will mean.

Some where along the timeline of life
These values started to end
Too many now will break their vow
For feelings their mate may not send.

They feel they miss a part of life
Or some feeling they should of had
Look elsewhere they do and not to you
For fulfilling this need is so sad.

For many it ends a marriage so true
For others it’s never the same
Yet many more will even the score
As some just thinks it’s a game.

Then there are some who accept their fate
And ahead they move through the bad
Beyond the hurt and the mindless dirt
Rebuilding the marriage once had.

They love their spouse beyond all shown
And accept the affair as just fate
They tear apart their hearts to start
A better life for their wayward mate.

I am but one you may call a fool
Who’s trying to salvage our marriage
One of a few who believes in you
But now walks sadly behind our carriage.


Our buggy of dreams, which carried us too
A place where we took our vow
Transported us too a place you knew
Where we live all the here and now.

One cannot explain the hurt and pain
The terror to know the ungrateful
The depth of sorrow within your morrow
Or the movies that star the unfaithful.

The questions one has or the thoughts occur
Or the unknown with all its fear
Your spouse did know but did not show
They were loving another dear.

They lied they cheated and deceived the one
Who vowed too be ever true
To hold unto and keep from you
An illusion that will make you blue.

Upon discovery there is no life
No caring or want or desire.
Just hurt and pain with no refrain
And a large pit of muck and mire.

You fall into it not wanting this so
Struggling for your survival
You grasp and gasp to keep on top
Hoping for your revival.

I honor the fallen that made it out
The strength they must have had
I know it will take all I can make
To climb these walls so sad.

Remember me the one you call fool
The one who preferred to stay
To work this out and with little doubt
For the one I love, I will pay!

SM Jan 2005

Dearest one, I know what that is about as I too am a fool right at this moment. I have tried to revive a relationship of 19 years and 5 children, as my husband has done the most heart wrenching action I could even begin to understand. We have spoken about things, as he says he's sorry, but I know I can never ever trust him as he has the past records as proof to that. In all the 5 children that I have had to him, each child he has committed adultery, and now I don't want to save what ever he calls a relationship. He tries to pray to prove to me he's changing, I know this time, it is too late. Our separation is moving slowly and I am getting quite annoyed around him and my children, as their is a process we are waiting out to get to the actual leaving stage. In the past I tried everything known to mankind to save our marriage, and now I just want to move on, so my children can finally be free of us catering for my husbands needs, as our life was based around pleasing him, so that the infidelity or what ever he calls it would not give way, theirs so much one can do, but he was the only one not helping to change himself, and now that he knows this is it, he is sure trying everything in his power to hang on to what I called a family, and what he now calls a family. I only hope and pray I never ever fall back into his lying ideals ever again.