In reading Sir Hurts Alot's post about being depressed, I think I'm there with him. I've done well up to this point, but with the holidays, etc. everything seems to be closing in on me. I guess reality has set in that hubby has moved and isn't coming back. We talk, etc., but he hasn't said he misses me or anything. <P>Son got home Friday for Thanksgiving break. I had to ask him to keep his crap up out of the living room and put stuff in his room. Asked him to put dirty dishes, etc. in kitchen. Duh.... Then yesterday I get yet another whopper phone bill after the hugh fight we had about the $400 one about three weeks ago. Well, his long distance service has been cut back to $25.00 a month credit limit. <P>Then today I go home for lunch. He and his girlfriend (who is supposed to be in school) are in bed napping. I jump down their throats and say I'm not running a hotel. I just leave and go back to work.<P>He calls and says "mom, I just can't do anything right anymore -- all you've done is rag me since I've been home..." I guess I have, but he is 19 years old and should have some responsibility. I came home one day and he hadn't closed my apartment door good (much less locked it) and it was standing wide [censored] open!! Am I not supposed to "rag" someone for leaving the door open for someone to take everything I own??<P>Can't wait until Christmas break. I do love him, but geez... let's have some responsibility and quit piling up in the bed with the girlfriend for pete's sake.

So send him to Dad for break.

He and Dad aren't talking much. Besides that, the girlfriend is here.

Oh .... then I guess you're "stuck" .... <P>Mind over matter ..... if you don't mind then it doesn't matter.<P>(I know, what a bunch of crap)<P>Oh well ... tis the season.

I guess another thing eating at me is I found pictures of us while building the house, from grading at the very beginning to finishing up at the end. I miss my house...I miss my old life before his affair... I miss having my children "under my control". I feel as if I've gone from "riches" to "rags". Some days I hate my husband as much as I love him at other times.

HI Janie, you were not really asking for suggestions right? <BR>Kids home from college for break are a little rough to deal with sometimes! I think that you are letting the surface things get in the way of your relationship with your son? <BR>Oh well, the living room will be a mine field for a week. No biggie, let it go. It is a temp situation. The dishes? Well mom, being a mom never ends. I am amazed that mine manage to function when not home...while at home they cannot even put the top on the tube of toothpaste, let alone manage to get a glass in the kitchen sink. But they sure know the way to the frig. When away at college he always dressed in clean clothes, appeared fed, was happy. But let him in the door and total dependence starts all over! Amazing little regressions they have.<BR>I swear he lies around and lets mommy take care of everything. Yesterday he was ultra lazy, so before I went to bed, I hugged him, took him a glass of milk and reminded him to wash his face and brush his teeth! Subtle things work with this kid, but nagging does not. It puts a major strain on all in the house, one I am not willing to deal with over a few glasses or dirty clothes on the br floor.<BR>Not sure how I would feel about girlfriend....have never run into it. Think I would have a talk to him and both of you decide on the ground rules for that one. I mean it might be uncomfortable for you to walk in on them during sex. <BR>Stay clam janie...he is going back soon. Have a glass of wine, kick the stinky socks down the hall til next week, and read a good book.

I guess when we were in the house, it was never "in my face". Now that I'm in an apartment, it is. You are right. I'll hit the grocery store tonight for a good bottle of vino. Perhaps dinner out as well. I do need to get a grip. Other things are interfering here.<P>

Hi Janie, <P>Sorry you're depressed too. <P>I think you're doing fine with your son. You're right, he's 19 that's an adult time to start acting like one. <P>What a mess this all is.<P>SHA

Take it with their age...<P>My 17yo... is no dreamwork...<P>2 holes in the wall since him mom left him...<BR>He likes to be dictator to his younger siblings...<BR>He thinks he's invincable...<BR>He questions his faith...<P>He's growing up...<BR>But he's got to learn life/responsibilites... it will take time...<P>Jim

Janie,<P>Sorry everything is hitting you so hard right now. I have 3 of the boys home on break from college right now - they are slobby! Don't keep things as neat as I would like. Keep working on them in a nice way - like thanks for cleaning that up!! <P>Janie, you are dealing with a lot of "loss" issues right now - missing your H, your house, your "old life", everything. Gosh, it really does S^CK that one person gets to make a decision that permanently impacts the other S and the kids, too. <P>Don't have any pearls of wisdom for you, but willonly gently remind you that ALL of us have goodness and blessings in our life. If the badness is starting to make you forget all about the goodness, try to focus on those people and things in your life that DO give you tremendous joy and love. Hard to do when yo are feeling blue....but, do try....<P>Could always be worse - you could have my 3 college students in your apartment, too!!! Don't think any one refrigerator can hold that much food and soda!!!! <P>Roll Me Away

hi Janie, how is the wine? Mmmmmm, and cheers! That's the way girl, you are going to be fine. (((hugs))) cl

Thanks everybody. I'm somewhat better today!!!