Guys, We have to get a grip.<P>I am feeling so saddened with reading all the depressing posts lately. It seems we are getting into a rut. Must be the change of seasons or sun spots.<P>I changed my philosophy most recently regarding the relationship issues and how I'm handling it. I would like to share it with you and hope I can lift at least one spirit here.<P>It's kind of like a 16 oz. glass with 8 oz. of water. Is it half full or half empty? I really don't care I hate water, give me a FULL can of beer any day.<P>It's all in the way WE interpret our individual circumstances. Say you park your car on the street and it gets hit by an 18 year old kid with bad acne and is totaled.<P>If you think ,[A] wow no one was injured in the accident, thank God, or [B] I really liked the purple shag carpet in the Comet, damn it! The situation has not changed. The vehicle is still a very large paper weight. It's how you look at it.<P>My W cheated on me for the last two years with a so called friend, not my friend, hers. I asked the W if something was going on. I was happy to hear that I was just paraniod. I called the OM, chatted, thank God he said he doesn't even know Val.<P>I was born at night but not last night. I think the guy's a cat turd, not a good solid tootsie roll one, but a loose movement. I can't change that {not the turd, the affair}, it's in the past, what's done is done, BUT I can change the way I treat my W and how I interact in the relationship today, in the future and how I handle myself and approach the marriage problems.<P>I was not a good H, I will readily admit that, would have probably been a worse wife, don't have the legs for it, but thanks to this forum and some personal growth I am now ready to assume the role if she will give me the chance.<P>Last week I was very depressed about my current situation. Nothing has changed since then except for the fact I am a week older and see things in a different light.<P>My W is still not home, we were not really working on getting back together. Ya know what though, I will still wake up tomorrow and probably the next day if I'm up to it.<P>I spoke to her last night and we compromised on going to a counselor. I am happy to hear that. I was playing the part of a car salesman. You know the kind that gets you to but the undercoating even thou it's already on the dumb car. I did'nt take no for an answer.<P>I realize that there are other things going on in my life. My older boy is off to college in three weeks. The younger one is still a couch potato but is getting bigger and will make quite the large hash brown. <P>Sorry for the warped humor, I still on Percocet and have a new goal in life. <P>TO MAKE ME HAPPY FOR ONCE.<P>Medic

Medic-<BR> You are a hoot. Everytime I read your posts lately I end up laughing. I'm with you, it's time for a change. My H moved out last night, took everything he owed. But, hey, I still live here so I've moved furniture around, have taken over the entire closet and dresser. Put the things on the walls that H never liked. Just because he doesn't live here, doesn't mean I don't. It's time to get off the pity pot and move on with my life. <BR>By the way, got an extra beer- I like water, but prefer a cold one.<BR>Thanks for the humor- you're a kick<P>cc

Thanks, Medic! I was rolling! You've lifted my spirits <P>Lizbeth

What scares me the most is that I can relate to your humor.... You've made me laugh... Thanks, I didn't think it possible on a day like today ( my anniversary )<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

I needed that Medic! A toast to you - with my Big Whopper ice cream bar and my glass of Sauvignon Blanc!<P>Lori

Medic, If I ever doubted before, I know now that you're going to be just fine!<P>You're just too much!

Medic, If I ever doubted before, I know now that you're going to be just fine!<P>You're just too much!<P>------------------<BR>Luv, Liza<P>Never fear, because God walks right beside you, and if you get tired, he will lift you up and carry you.

bottoms up, dang that was good.

whooo hooo!<BR>i went out! with friends! to a comedy club!<BR>it was the same friends i see all the time, but without babies in tow, and we had a blast (hey, in the right lighting, even sprite can get you high...when you are pregnant).<BR>i came out with a whole new perspective on my life...<BR>if H wants me, he can darn well come and get me. If i'm the great love of his life, as he keeps TELLING me, then how hard can it be for him to PROVE it?<BR>let him 'plan a' ME for awhile...I am gonna DEEE-tach.<BR>now, if you'll excuse me, me and my swollen ankles are going to bed <P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

I'm glad I could lift some spirits here. We don't deserve or have to feel sorry for ourselves. I did that for way too long. There are many very good things going on in our lives. We just tend to overlook them at this juncture. Tunnel vision on the S.<P>I'm not saying that saving the marriages are not important, but, I learned my limitations and understand them. I will still try very hard to get Val back but I refuse to wallow in self pity until then.<P>Love was Blind, that's exactly what i'm talking about. Good for you. I don't know if my post helped you with your new persective or if it was the overindulgance of Sprite. You go girl! Stay with it.<P>Wishing us all the best AND WE DESERVE IT!<P>Medic

hi medic, how do you feel? probably a bit sore, but healing, right?<BR>Since you have a sense of humor....is this cyst like our relationships in some ways? Ya know, a pain in the [censored], major revisions under anesthesia, then more pain, then finally healing? The pain gets easy everyday, some bad moments, but overall better? <BR>And it better not ever grow back! I will lose it totally if this ever happens again, and have made that quite clear. Told h that if he even thought about screwing around, he better remove all weapons from the house before talking to me! That was on a bad day. Now laugh about how irrational I was. <BR>Nice event yesterday. H was talking with brother on the phone and I happened into the house, only to hear a snippet of the converstation. He was saying how lucky he is that he has such a loving, level-headed wife, and that he is going to make this marriage work. They talked awhile about why both had affair problems and how they were handling peraonl issues. It was nice to hear that my h feels good about the decisions he has made. Nice to hear the bros talking about personal things since this family tends to avoid or bury unpleasantries. <BR>Things are looking great!! I just need to keep it all together in my head.<BR>Hope you are feeling better!<BR>

Medic:<BR>Have been reading posts here daily and I have to admit that yours are the best! Know laughter is the best medicine (Readers Digest claims this, so it must be true) but sometimes I feel guilty of joking about such a serious thing. Told my husband the other day that I did not want him to feel as though he was "in prison", but definitely still on parole. This was said again last night and he commented "well at least I am out of jail" and we both laughed...of course I politely reminded him of "repeat offenders" and the seriousness of punishment to those who choose to wander down that path again! We both laughed again and he vowed once again that this would not happen. He is trying really hard to makeup and move on with our life and I admire him and thank him for that....none the less there are still days that I find it hard to cope and of course the tears still come, but I KNOW one day they will be better! Have learned to take long walks when I feel a "down" time coming on and it has definitely helped. Gives you time to soul search, pray and release the anger that stills lives in your heart. Now I do admit that it is extremly difficult to walk and cry (or as Bill Cosby calls it sup supping as children do), but if you do this after dark..no one knows but you and tends to make other walkers move to the opposite side of the street! The only drawback that I can see is that I might have to ask the Marriage Builders Forum to start a collection to buy me a several new pairs of walking shoes or that I might keep walking and at my age (48) that I might forget my way home!!! Anyway, sorry for the long post, just wanted to say "thanks" and hang in there...my knuckles are white and my hands may hurt BUT I WON'T LET GO!!!<P>All of you are in my prayers too.<BR>

Medic, you gave us a dose of what we all need. There are times that this whole thing can become overwhelming, like a sore that won't heal. Looking back now at some of the ridiculous things I did (some would think I needed a straight jacket) I am happy that it is not as bad as I thought it was at that time. Sometimes too, it is sad to realize how bad off I really was. But never again will I be that person, I knew with or without my H, I am and would be a wonderful person. Like you, I take responsibility for problems in the marriage, but with the grace of God, and forgiveness my H and I are on high ground again, and this time we are on stone and not sand! Thanks Medic again, we all need to remember there is life after an affair!!!!!

Medic, you gave me some great laughs. Your'e going to be ok. Hey, can you pass me a cold one. I have walked thru the fire, and now that it's all out in the open with H, I feel much relief. I hope I can really begin to let it go (not easy after 21 yrs) but I did my best trying to hold onto something that wasn't there. Now I can concentrate on ME (& my son) and I'm going to have some much needed fun. Take care