Can it be that in just three short weeks since D day that my wife and myself seem to think we would fit into stage three of our plan for marital recovery. Separation is not a factor (he lives 600 miles away and not communication between them in any form). Withdrawal is not a factor (I truly believe our "connection" is better than ever and she says they never had what we have now). Is this possible so soon after D day? Are moving too fast? As long as she is honest with me and we protect and care for each others emotional needs time will heal all of our wounds. Is it possible that all we need to do now is to develop a plan for our future and rebuild the trust and love we once had for each other?

Are yall divorced(D day)?<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

CRC - the separation has helped - tremendously.<P>This is the good phase. The part to draw on when things start bouncing around just a little.<P>And they will, you know. They will. But you're working together, you're building a new life together, you're finding a place with each other that you didn't have before. So you can get through the rough times.<P>Just be ready for them. Understand they will come and you can overcome them.<P>Congratulations and good luck!<P>Lori

No, not divorced. Never even thought about it as an opotion. The separation aspect of what I was refering to was that of my wife and OM. And absolutely no withdrawal on her part. I really believe that even though this most horrible of events has happened to us that we have built enough of "something" in our marriage that not only worth holding on to, but doesn't seem as difficult to begin rebuilding something better than what we ever had. Don't get me wrong. It hurts to think she could have actually done this to us but I played some part in it also. I know we love each other. We just have to reestablish the trust and honesty it takes to have a strong marriage. For some unknown reason it at present it doesn't seem that difficult to do.<BR>We have to start somewhere and I know we are going in the right direction.

I'm glad for you that it is going so well. I've needed to see some happy stories. We too have been 3 weeks since he told me, but the withdrawal has been intense. It has been so painful to realize the intensity of his love for the OW after a 3-4 month relationship. He has forgotten what it felt like to be that in love with me.<P>

Schizzo:<BR>I couldn't believe my wife could have done such a cruel thing to us. Not me, but us.<BR>For what ever reasons, she found something in him that sh could't find in me at that time.<BR>It was there in me and us, just inside couped up. For whatever it's worth, we have found it again in us and trying to build something better than what we had. It was a tremendous price to pay. But, if we can recover what we lost it will be worth it. Ask your husband to look into your eyes and see the hurt he has caused and you look into his eyes to see if he is hurting also. If the love you both shared before is still there then forgive each other and forget the past. He must have OW completely out of his heart now and forever. It is you he needs to focus on and you him. It is difficult to forgive if you have doubts about him and OW, but once these doubts are gone then the two of you are on your way to where you belong......with each other. You can't hug enough. You'll both cry a lot. But you'll begin to love each other again. Thanks.......CRC. If you truly believe, then it will happen.

Way to go CRC...<P>You and your wife are very fortunate...<BR>But there is still more work to go... <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3900_rules.html" TARGET=_blank>The Four Rules to guide marital recovery</A><BR><OL TYPE=1> <BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Protection:</B> Avoid being the cause of your spouse's unhappiness.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Care:</B> Meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Time:</B> Take time to give your spouse undivided attention.<BR><LI> <B>The Rule of Honesty:</B> Be totally open and honest with your spouse.<BR></OL> <P>And remember the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>... Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse. (page 97 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>And a few quotes from <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> by Dr. Willard Harley<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Make it easy for your spouse, and make it relatively difficult for others to deposit love units. (page 170 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If you ever find yourself infatuated with someone other than your spouse, don't walk away, RUN! (page 171 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>To maintain a strong marital relationship, the four rules must be continually followed.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Prayers for continued success.. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 24, 1999).]