It's been 6 weeks since I first posted with you and I have not been back before today. I posted once or twice requesting prayers because I just didn't know how to and I was so frightened and hurt and lost for answers. I've come a long way since then and wish to share my progress with all of you and to thank those of you who prayed for me and continue to do so at this very moment.<P>I've been through some of the "Grief" process ie: Shock, Denial, Self Blaming, Anger etc. for two months now. Where I am now is truly unknown to me. Maybe somewhere between "accepting" and not "expecting". Or maybe between "hate" and "forgiveness". Perhaps between "fear" and "courage". But one thing I know for sure is that I didn't's deserve the hurt caused by my husband. That I am worthy of love. And that I am a good and wonderful person in God's eyes. I've since found a marriage counselor even thought I attend alone. I also started seeing a psychologist who is a Christian so that I am constantly reminded of how God is a loving God.<P>What I would like to share with you is where I am at this moment..... so Doug and Ellyn... I want to thank you. XXOO<P>When my husband left I asked God "Why is this happening to me?" "What did I do so bad that my worst possible fear has come true?" I don't deserve this?". "Am I not worthy of love?" Many of you may have asked God these same questions and possibly still do. After pondering my questions to God I would then came up with the reasons why God is making this happen in my life. <P>Many of us are taught that God gives us what we deserve, that our misdeeds cause our misfortune. This is a neat and attractive solution to the problem of evil, but it has a number of serious limitations. "Maybe God is trying to teach me a lesson?" As you can see, it teaches people to blame themselves. It creates guilt even where there is no basis for guilt. It makes people hate God, even as it makes them hate themselves. Many of us then use our misfortune to try to console ourselves with the idea that God has His reasons for making this happen to them. Reasons that I'm in no position to judge. "God is all-powerful and causes everything to happen in this world. Nothing happens without His willing it." "God is just and fair, and stands for people getting what they deserve, so that the good prosper and the wicked are punished". This causes me to then question my God. Whether or not he is a loving God or a feared God.<P>All of these responses to tragedy which I have considered have at least one thing in common. They all assume that God is the cause of my suffering, and I've tried to understand why God would want me to suffer. As I mentioned, these kinds of responses lead us to blame ourselves in order to spare God's reputation. And some other responses asks us to deny reality or to repress our true feelings. Well, I was left hating myself for deserving such a fate, or hating God for sending it to me when I did not deserve it.<P>My God is a loving God. He does not create Cancer. He does not make a plan crash with 250 people in to plummet to there death. He doesn't make children suffer unbearable pain only to die of some terrible disease. He does not choose one person in a Mini Van of 7 worthy to survive (the driver) and the others 6 (children) to die. He did not make my Husband leave me nor will he make him come home. He does not want me to feel so alone nor so frightened. He does not want me to cry nor does he want me to feel depressed. God wants the righteous to live peaceful, happy lives, but sometimes even He can't bring that about. <P>When these things happen, it does not represent God punishing them for something we did wrong. The misfortunes do not come from God at all. So there ought to be a sense of relief in coming to this conclusion that God is not doing this to me. He can still be on my side when grief and trauma are happening to me. He knows that I am a good and honest person who deserves better. My misfortune is not His doing, but I can still turn to Him for help.<P>My questions is no longer "God, why are You doing this to me?", "God, why am I being punished like this?" but rather "God, now that this has happened to me, what am I going to do about it?" "God, see what is happening to me. Can you help me?" I am now turning to God not to be judged or forgiven, not to be rewarded or punished, but to be strengthened and comforted.<P>So in the end, in my opinion, God is just as sad and hurt when these things happen to his children. He is just as shocked and disillusioned in some of his children's behaviour as I am. He is disappointed as I am and He will cry with me. He stands by me. He loves me and he will not abandon nor forsake me. But He was not the cause of these terrible things nor can he fix them. But he can and will be there to bring me courage and strength to get me through this trying time.<P>I'll always have memories of the good times I spent with my husband, and I am now looking forward to the future, either way. I will continue to pray for my husband and trust that God will guide him. I will give my husband back to Christ so He can work a miracle. As it is written "He is not yours... he belongs to Christ. We don't possess anything or anyone. Mates are a gift from God." "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" — 1 Corinthians 13:13. I'm constantly reminded in the Bible that my persistence in daily prayer request for us will be granted. Why? Because He will do it in His time. Especially when it's His will. We know that strong, vibrant relationships are His will. After all this said, I now know how to pray! "God, now that this is happened to me, what am I going to do about it?" "God, see what is happening to me. Can you help me?". I can continue to pray for these things. But most importantly, will never give up and I will never forget I'm married.<P>God bless you and may he keep you all safe.<BR>

hello, I hope you don't mind if I throw in my opinion on this, so here goes....<P>Yes, I believe God has full control, but what we don't realize is that sometimes we take that control away from Him. He gave us free will, and he wants us to choose Him! Sometimes, we stray from God; we go in the wrong direction; we make the wrong choices! We allow our own lives to go in a path that maybe God hasn't meant for us. We allow bad things to happen by not putting God first. I believe that he could stop anything he wanted, but because he gave us free will, he will only intervene when we ask him to....when we look to Him!!! <P>So, in a sorts, we create our own problems by straying, etc... The Bible teaches us that struggles and trials in our lives ought to be looked at as discipline. We discipline our children when they do something wrong. We correct them, punish them, when they are on the wrong path. We create problems in our lives,God allows them. God does not create them! But God says to see them as discipline, even though it may be the most painful experience you could ever go thru, just know that there will be a brighter side when they are done and over with! <P>I went through the most horrible 4 months of my life recently when my husband left me for OW. I have always been a christian, but a wayward one! During this struggle of so much hurt and the deepest pain I could imagine, I had a choice....I could allow myself to fall or I could learn to stand up again! I choose the second. I have learned so much about myself during this time. I learned that God wanted me to live a better life; live for Him! I developed such a close relationship with him! He saved me! He kept me from drowning in this mess that my life was in. He gave me strength! He has been my only strength! I've always had faith in God, but I never really learned to trust in Him. I mean really trust Him. Once I did, he showed me the way. He could take this horrible thing and turn it completely around. He brought my husband home, and when there was something that I needed to do to help it along, he showed me! He changed me into someone that I was supposed to be all along, but didn't know how. By allowing this terrible thing to happen to me and my family, I learned how to be strong and to believe in myself. I knew that no matter what, I could overcome even this! <P>I am a better person because of all of this! God can turn the worst into the best! God is awesome and mighty! Take comfort in knowing that God is there for you! God loves us more than we can even imagine! That makes me feel good! Unconditional love.....he doesn't want us to hurt, we are His children! No one could love us more! Give your burdens over to him and let him take care of it. We can only do so much, but God can do all! God bless you!<P>

In actuality, there are two who have control. We have free will to give that control to one or the other. We either give that control to God or we give it to Satan. Those are the two camps.<P>God allows things to happen because He is talking to us and sometimes He has to get our attention by allowing Satan to do something that is evil, much like what happened to Job and to Joseph. God means for all things to be good even when we don't see where the end is.<BR><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Your opinion is respected and thank you for sharing it with us. It's important we all get to voice our progress and the miracles and treasures God blesses us with during these challenging times.<P>God Bless<BR>BabyDoll

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BabyDoll:<BR><B>Your opinion is respected and thank you for sharing it with us. It's important we all get to voice our progress and the miracles and treasures God blesses us with during these challenging times.<P>God Bless<BR>BabyDoll</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>He is wonderful. As I was driving to work, I was listening to a discussion that centered around Paul and his thorn. God always allows these things to happen to us. <P>I am happy that you are listening to HIm. It is difficult when Satan is continually whispering in our ear to confuse us. I am thankful for my W inspite of the pain she continues to inflict by still contacting OM and not saying she loves me, etc.<P>He is our comfort. Besides He said that it would be this way. We are the ones who want only to experience the good things. I like Paul am able to count it all joy. From your post you are doing the same. All praise, honor and glory be to God.<P><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

I pray that all of those hurting can find comfort in God. Without him I would not still be here. I would have never made it through, but because of Him my life is even better than before. I am a better person, and I am able to go thru this recovery process with Him. He is AWESOME !!!

Ive been seperated from my wife for almost 2 years now. When she first disappeared with my children it was like i was thrown right into hell itself. Like Job, bad news and bad things just progressed for months. I had so many questions for God. It was during that time that i realized the heart of God. He cries too,and He cries with us. He does allow these awful things to happen to us but with time we realize how close we have grown to the Lord and how Hes increased in our hearts cause we decressed. We tend to forget God is fair but life isnt. I did come to the end of myself and collapse. No one cared but God. He was all i had left and He pulled me out of the pit. I never gave up on my marriage but i had to learn to give it all to God,which took about 16 months. I hated life so much during the first year of seperation that i keeped praying to God that He would just take me home i dont want to be here no more. Today i feel Gods peace and havent talked to my wife for 2 months now. Relatives have the children and w just got out of drug treatment. Shes still running. Although things dont look so good for our family being restored,i still have this hope and peace that God will heal and i wont stop praying until we are back together as a family. I acually love my wife with a depth i dont understand. She has made all my worst nightmares come true and even came up with a few more but i still love her and forgive her. Ive come to realize God has done a mighty work in my own wicked heart. My prayers are with all of you going thru the sorrow of shattered dreams and destroyed families. Remember; whats impossible with man is possible with God.IJN Amen