<BR>Well I managed to screw it up....I let my mouth get in the way onc again...Dh and I had a major fight tonight on the phone....I got mad when he said that he was coming home and his main prority was us and not fixing the relationship he has with my 13yr old and our daughter that is going on 2....I lost it..I told him that we are a family and that everyone one of us is important....and I wasn't going to let the children suffer...then he went on to say he's a good husband and I almost died of a heart attack....I said how can you say that after the abuse you have put me thru...and he got mad and hurt cause he thought he was a good husband...so then he hung up on me...he can't understand that to love me he has to love the children and make them apart of the family too...I don't know what to do....any thoughts???<BR> Senja

Yucky! Setbacks are hard to take when you are trying to put your life back together. I don't really have advice as to what to do, but maybe I can help you to be a little more objective about what he meant when he said that your relationship was his main priority. Did he mean, let's work on you and me first then we will work on the children or did he mean I only care about you and me and don't care about my relationship with the children? Maybe he said it the wrong way, but meant it in a positive way. It is true that the best environment for children is a home filled with love and parents that love on another. Biblically I think God want's us to love our spouse first, then our family. We are supposed to put our spouse's need first. In a perfect world that love we have for our spouse should overflow and cover our children in love. Stop and think about it. Sometimes it's hard to keep control and when we are hurt we tend to take everything at face value. Unless he just really wants nothing to do with the children, which would be really sad, then I think you should discuss this with him with no love busters involved. Anything that you said to him in anger probably went in one ear and out the other. Approach it in a loving, controlled manner and see what he really meant when he said that comment that set you off. I wish the best for you and hope that you can recover from this. If you can rebuild his love for you then it should be only natural for him to love the children too. It is beyond my comprehension how someone could not love his children or stepchildren (if I got that right) if he loves his wife. When my husband left it nearly killed him being away from our son, I knew he loved him but I didn't think he loved me. Things are still going great for me except I still have to work on loving without doubts. I'm trying. I really feel for you. We are mothers. I could hardly take it if someone acted as though they didn't care for my son, much less my husband. Maternal love is a very very powerful love. It is instinct. If your husband meant that he didn't care for the kids, then I am very sorry. I myself could never sacrifice my child's happiness for anyone, even my husband. I am very fortunate, Thank God, that my husband truly loves our child. I will be praying for you. I wish you peace and happiness and may the Holy Spirit comfort you. <P>Cindy

HI<P>Maybe he needs to work on your relationship, the 2 of you before he can work on the family. Ask him. I know its hard. I will keep praying for you.<P>A mothers love is totally different from a fathers love. Thats what I keep thinking cause as my husband left me and Dylan for OW, I could have never walked away from my son.<p>[This message has been edited by tigger (edited April 28, 2000).]