Hi All,<P>I talked to SIL today. Last night she talked to W, first time in 3 weeks. W told her she knows R with OB is futile. We all know that, he's a 17 year old pot fiend for pete sakes!<BR>W says she is having feelings for me again, stronger than ever.( how the heck do I move the icons ont my post)She told SIL she was afraid that a) I'll regress back to my old ways or b) I'll not want her in 3 weeks.<P>I have to answer in the negative on both counts. Haveing potentialy lost this wonderful woman, I have realised what a fool I have been in this marriage. I have done all I can to find out what I was not doing, and taken a long hard look at what I need to change. I have already stared the changing process. God has truly blessed me in this area. Problem is a 5week track record doesn't out way an 8 year track record.<P>I have stated many times pain is a great motivator, and I have been motivated. I have finaly taken a real hard look at Bill, I have to tell ya I pretty much sucked as a husband. No I do not believe for one minute that I deserved an EA from my beloved wife. However it has changed my life so much that I now know what I value most. God, wife, child, home and work. Pretty much in that order. I had it backwards before, I also had me at the top of the list. I know I have to take care of me but at what cost? My self-centeredness has almost ruined me TWICE. I think thats enough.<P>Back to my original thought. What to do now? I'm catching a plane tonight to be with relative for the next week. She is going to her moms with D. I've been plan-bing for 4 days now. The only contact we have had she initiated. See previos posts. I have been very patient so far, as far as my actions go that is, mentaly I've been a wreck. Well up and down to say the least. I have surrendered this to God, over and over. I see the miracle starting to happen. The only thing I know to do is plan-a whenever I'm around her or talk to her. Is there anything else I can do?<P>I believe Dr. h's rules of protection will work, when the time comes. I just hope she gives her fears to the Lord and let Him get rid of them, He sure got rid of the ones I gave Him.<BR>Someone told me that when they asked God to forgive them for trying, his miracle happened in a few days. Letting her go is the most difficult thing I have ever done. It seems to work. Surrender gets easier each time I do it.<P>I don't know what else to do. I'm open to ANY opinions regarding this, please advise. Am I doing right? Is there any more I can do? I have real high expectations and real high acceptance. This is the hardest friggin waiting game ever devised.<P>NSR,<BR>I've only had my computor for 3 months, and thats the length of my experience. How do you do all them neet graphic things on you posts. Ican barely type. would you believe I type all these posts with one finger. I'm up to 4 or 5 words per minute.hehe.<P>Thanks for everything ,<BR>I Love You All,<BR>Bill <P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Ok, Bill, first things first:<P>colon : plus right paren ) equals <BR>semi-colon ; plus righ paren ) equals <BR>colon : plus left paren ( equals <BR>colon : plus capital D equals <P>(Aren't you proud, NB?!!)<P>You've learned a lot through this time, Bill. And you're right. It's hard for her to believe that it will last.<P>That part's up to you. You'll have to prove it. Over and over and over again. Hard, I know. But you can do it!<P>Has she contacted YOU about coming home or working it out? That, I guess, would be the first step. And then you talk, and talk and talk.<P>I'm so happy that things may be looking up here. But take it slow. Be patient (and yes, I DO realize how hard that is! )<P>There's still a long way to go.<P>We're all pulling for you.<P>Lori

Thanks Lori,<P>She's heading for the therapists office now,he's ou marriage councelor. They're going to talk about her fear. She has a fear letter. I'm kinda nervous. She's coming to get Abbey after session. I know no expectations. Man it's hard. <P>I still can't get these icons to move <P><BR>Thanks,<P>Bill<P>

Ok, post again. This time just type<P>colon : and then right paren ) side by side and hit reply!<P>Try it.<P>lori

i don't know how but it worked. not twice oh well<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

YYAAYY, Bill!! At least YOU remember to do it. I still forget I know how!!!<P>Lori

Bill...<P>Glad you got the information on the "icons".<P>The official site for tis info is at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/faq.html#smilies" TARGET=_blank>smilies</A>.<P>For the other bells and whistles... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ubbcode.html" TARGET=_blank>uub codes</A>.<P>Enjoy... <P>Jim<BR>

Hi william,<BR>I know what you are going through. My H said the same thing to me last week. He doesnt want it to be the same old thing and the same old me. Its really heard. I wanted to give him a hundred reasons why I had changed but realized its better for him to see it in person. We talk more now and go out on dates. He is still living with the OW, and he is really depressed. Our kids miss him and jealousy for me is very hard. We have been married for 15 years and he said he was miserable the last 2. He said he tried to tell me. I honestly dont know if he did. Yes you are right pain wakes us up, big time. I had a real heart to heart with God and asked him to show me what I had been like for the last 2 years. The next morning walking back from the school bus stop God gave me a real slide show in my head, little snapshots of my attitude, and anger, and depression, my selfishness. Its was so real and so hard to take I cried all day long and wrote everything down so I would not forget it. I asked God to forgive me and I asked God to provide the right opportunity to share this with my H. He did, but there is still the problem with where my H is with God. He is running from him, and is doing a really good job at it. God does have your situation in control. Just try to lay back a little and not appear too anxious to show her you have changed. My counselor suggests I see him as much as possible. I wanted to avoid him at first because of the pain after I saw him and he would leave to go to her house, but how would I ever show him I have changed if I avoided him? See my point.<BR>I am glad you have hope. I really believe she wants it to work but doesnt want all of this pain to have no positive changes in you. She really was unhappy wether she let you know or not.<BR>My prayers are with you and your family<BR>jules