After fifteen years of the "ideal" marriage my wife revealed to me she wasn't happy. At the same time there is another person(co-worker) in the picture (which she told me of later). I soon realized (before knowing of Dr Harley) that it was my treatment of her that caused the empty feeling she has for me. She maintained the affair was not more than an "awkward" thing and although she was willing to quit the job, I agreed that running away would not solve the real problem.<P>Six months have gone on a homegrown plan "A". I recently broke the rules of care and protection. We do not fight and there is no violence or even cursing in our home. She now wants to separate and resume seeing the co-worker. I have changed my ways of verbal and mental mistreatment but so much damage has been done to her I fear I woke up too late. My heart breaks for the pain I put her through to cause her to feel this way, seek comfort elsewhere, and consider leaving the home her own children. Our children are extremely happy and innocent(ages 9 & 11) and the thought of separation tears me up inside, especially when I consider the children. She is my reason for everything I do in life. Getting through a work day has become a huge effort, with little or no productivity. This is the most challenging and painful time of my entire life. We get along well, though she has resumed seeing/talking with the co-worker at lunch and occasionally at night. I am dealing with it with nearly bizarre patience and understanding, thanks to Dr Harley's material (what else can I do?) Sometimes I cry my eyes out and she cannot even reach over to console me. We even talk about the co-worker openly. I'm rambling. My next posting will be better prepared.<P>Please pray for us. She is terribly damaged inside and has no desire to repair/rebuild at this point. <P>Please pray for us. It is like a nightmare that won't end

Dear Changed Man,<BR>I'm sorry to hear about your problem. It's a terrible feeling to think you "woke up too late" to fix anything. BUT don't loose hope. Follow Dr. Harley's advice, and pray a lot. Read, read and read a lot. <P>Lots and lots of very nice people come to this board with similar problems (my self included), BUT now we are in happier times with my marriage. After 7 years of marriage, my H. told me he wasn't happy. I couldn't understand. But, thank GOD, things have changed, with A LOT of work...Have faith in GOD, and come here to MB's for venting, advice, and comfort...Good luck, and keep on posting.<P>You will see, things WILL improve!

Thank you Pookie14. It is so hard to explain what a wonderful family we've created and the amount of love that is in our home. Without Dr. Harley's material I would have never been prepared for my wife's loss of love for me and the attraction she is experiencing for another right now. I have only taken to prayer recently after falling from my commitment to protect and care for her. That is when she expressed the desire to separate and resume contact with the co-worker. All I can do is show her I understand and hope she'll trust me someday to care and protect her. Although we never really fought, I was controlling and disrespectful "in-between the lines". Her love for me must have been strong for her to last this long. Alcohol played a major role in my behaviour and I thank God that I am free of that for about a month now. Thanks for the kind words.

I can completely understand your situation with one exception, My wife had no desiret o be with anyone else, or with me. I have caused tremendous hurt and isolation for her because of my past. A past that I thought I had dealt with but just tried to run from and forget. She is, until she leaves me, wife number two. I never loved my first wife and just settled, because I never thought I would find my soul mate. I DID in wife number two. I am husband 4 for her and we were happy at first. Her son was sexually abused as a child, and raging. She would never control his temper in any way other than give him gifts or buy his temper down. I never looked at the bug picture as to what she was trying to accomplish with him. I always focused on it as her inability to cope. Then without conciously meaning to, everyday forced her to choose between me or her son. I always lost. I was so filled with rage because she wouldn't act. Now.... I know why. I was also abused by a boy I thought was m best friend, when I was 8. I bottled up all the shame, the guilt, and thought I had gotten past it but it was always there. I WAS the cause..... I WAS the monster... I still am. I will start counseling Monday, but because of all the hurt I caused, Our marriage is over, and it looks hopeless in rebuilding. Her son is 14, and she and I are parents of an 18 month old, beautiful little girl that was a gift from GOD. I lost EVERYTHING and EVERYONE I love..... ALL because I never healed. I never got help and now my marriage is over because I was a monster verbally. I never hit any member of this family, but words sometimes wound far greater and the scars last far longer. I need the prayers of everyone that will pray for us. Praying for healing, restoration of a marriage I truly believe that GOD put together. and that I destroyed because of my pain, and my rage at myself and the people that did these things to me. I want to heal, and I WANT MY FAMILY BACK....... But there seems to be no hope for the return of my family without the power of prayer. I respectfully ask for every single prayer anyone feels compassionate enough to pray. I want to heal, I want to change, and I want GOD back as the leader of me and mine, and I want my family back. IT will take the mirable og GODS healing upon this entire family. I Look for an underlying cause to yout anger, your need for alcohol... Something caused that. I belive something MADE you turn to those things. Discover what they were, are, and make any steps you have to so that you never turn to these things again. I too will pray for you and your family.

Thank you for your reply. It is re-assuring to get input and support from others. I am very sorry for you and tour family and I will include you in all my prayers. One underlying theme holds a common thread throughout all of us here: There comes a time to realize certain things are in God's hands. Praying for strength and guidance is the only thing that has and will get anyone of us through our trials in life. Strive to be the best you can be for yourself and all around you. That is all you can do. Once again,I will certainly include you in my prayers.

Changed Man,<BR>This is exactly like my life. I have 2 kids (8 & 10). My wife also does not want to work on our marriage. I been marry for 13 years. I hate to say it. You are my soul mate. I been doing plan A for 2 months now. My wife at first would not let me meet her needs. It is a slooooow progress. I found out about my wife affair in June 99. I found this web site in Mar 00. I can bear leaving my family. I been doing alot of praying. Keep me posted. I am praying for you.

Thank you and I will pray for you.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MHW:<BR><B>Changed Man,<BR>This is exactly like my life. I have 2 kids (8 & 10). My wife also does not want to work on our marriage. I been marry for 13 years. I hate to say it. You are my soul mate. I been doing plan A for 2 months now. My wife at first would not let me meet her needs. It is a slooooow progress. I found out about my wife affair in June 99. I found this web site in Mar 00. I can bear leaving my family. I been doing alot of praying. Keep me posted. I am praying for you.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>MHW,<BR>We certainly have similar situations, don't we?<BR>

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You Lord for your wisdom, thank You Lord for filling Changed Man's heart with love and peace. I pray Father that You will walk right beside him constantly, letting your holy presence be known to him. Father, I lift up Changed Man's wife to You, asking that you turn her heart first to You, then back to her husband. Restore this marriage, Lord, bringing them each to a level of commitment to You that they've never known before. Fill their hearts with love for each other, and bring this marriage to the kind of godly marriage You want it to be. Thank You Father for working in Changed Man's and his wife's lives. You are our Precious Savior, and we are so very thankful for everything You do. I pray that You will instruct Changed Man's wife constantly, even as she sleeps. Fill her dreams with visions from You, show her Lord the path she is to take. Guide her and convict her Lord. Thank You Father, IJN I Pray, AMEN