I left my husband 12 months ago. After moving out, I got involved with another man. God revealed to me the sin I had commited about six months ago, and gave me the desire to go back to my husband and try and work things out. He also changed my views and showed me the selfishness I had before when I was with my husband. I have been praying abundantley and reading many books, also attending church regularly. I have spoken with my husband on many occassions regarding reconciliation. He is a very inward person. He has had the divorce papers for a very long time and has had the money to subject them. He hasn't even filled them out because that would require my help. He hasn't even requested that we get together and do that. I have been letting God lead and direct me in this situation. My husband's heart is very hardened due to childhood trauma of divorce between his mother and father. I guess, I need some insight on what actions anyone might know to help me regain my husbands trust back as well as my marriage back. I don't know exactly what my husband feels or if he wants me back, he has never said no when I have asked. He doesn't really answer. Help!!!!!!

Hi, Agent and welcome.<P>You're in the right place. And you've got a good idea as to all the work you have to do. I guess I'll start with ........<P>Read. Read some more. Everything you can get your hands on. Read Harley's principles, read the posts here, read the books our friends recommend. You'll learn a lot. It's hard to really understand what our spouses have gone through until we get to know others in the same situation. You can do that here. And understanding his pain and distrust is the first step.<P>Harley's principles can work to show your H that you are different now. Learn them. Use them. <P>And give it time. It will take lots and lots of time and patience. <P>And we're here for you. For advice, comfort, as a sounding board. To relieve your frustrations. So that you don't take any of them out on him.<P>So, join in. You're among friends. And we all want the same thing.<P>Lori

Welcome agenttawnia to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>{{{{{{{{{{agenttawnia}}}}}}}}}}<P>(This is my typical message to first time posters... the folks here will recognize this ... I hope this doesn't get too old hat.)<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and wayward (like you) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principals and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! As someone trying to reconcile, whether wayward or betrayed... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> is for you!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. This is the cornerstone text.<BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here! <B>Even for "betrayers"/"waywards" like you.</B><BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>But just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>Your probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! There are many here who are betrayers/waywards... seek them out!!!<P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ! Think!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Thank you both for replying to my call for help! I greatly appreciate it and need it so very much right now! These holidays are so very difficult for me. I am trying to stomach it the best way I can. What I really want to do is take a sleeping pill that will let me sleep through till Friday the 26th of November, so I won't have to face these days without my husband. Last year and every year before that, I always made Thanksgiving dinner for my husband and His family. I really miss doing that this year! I want so much to spend this holiday with him! What emptiness I feel! Thanks again for your support!