Lone Knight, thank you for your prayers. I will be praying for you and your family. I believe that God can use a variety of means to heal and set free those who are his children. I, too, understand depression as three years in this time of hurt and betrayal has taken its toll on me. I have battled depression, also. It has been caused by the situation in my life and not a chemical imbalance. Either way, God is a very big God. I will keep believing with you that he will set you free and restore to you all that has been taken by this attack of the enemy. I still love my husband and I am trying to get him to see that this is a chemical thing and that he can be helped. At this point, he does not want to believe this. Because he uses problems (big and small) to explain why he falls into such despair, he is unwilling to see that his moods are very cyclical. He has a week of extreme elation, high activity, and sleeps very little (2-3 hours a night) and then this is followed by a period of depression. He is unwilling to turn to me at this time and I know that much of the reason is that he is battling with giving up the OW. I have to let God fight this battle for me as I am weary...God is my only hope, but what a hope. I believe that real issues of life do affect your state of mind, but when you have a chemical imbalance it has a more extreme impact. I am glad to know you are a believer. When I am battling despair, I try to pray until I get through. He is our help and we know, as believers, that despair is not what the Lord wants for us. God knows us intimately and loves us anyway. He knows our every need and I do believe that those of us praying here will see results in God's perfect time. Thank you and I will be praying for you and your family.

You and your family are in my prayers too! God Bless you.<BR>Jim.

Just a quick update. She came home after her and the kids spent the day doing whatever it was they were doing and announced that there was a house in another town about an hour from here that she was going to go look at monday. If it is halfway acceptable, she said she is going to take it. She is really going to leave and no matter how much I change, how much I grow, she is never comming back. I have lost everyone I love. My wife, my step-son and our 17 month old daughter. It is really over and there is nothing, no miracle, no anything that will stop it. I hope your situation works out for you and that GOD's will is that the two of you reconcile. I don't see that happening in my family. I don't see anything in my family other than seperation and divorce.<BR>Thank you and everyone who prayed for my family. But as long as she keeps running away from this, or running to something else. All the prayers in the world will go unanswered.<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>Jim<BR>

Dear Lone Knight: One thing that I have learned is to NOT look at the circumstances of the situation. Remember, God is in control and you are putting this whole problem before him and in his care. I am still doing just this and although my situation is still not completely resolved, it has changed and I know it is because of prayer. Three years ago, I had to ask my H to leave as he refused to make a commitment to being faithful. There have been a number of OW and I have been continuously encouraged to give it up and go on with my life. I have been praying and have felt that I should continue to stand and believe that God would and could do something wondrous in my life. This is my long term commitment, to trust God to completely turn my life around and put it in order according to his plan. Sometimes I am unsure what to do, somtimes sorrow and discouragement overshelm me, but I am giving it to God and my situation is truly a hard case. To tell you as briefly as possible, what has happened to me, my husband left, moved in with the OW, gave every appearance of being happy and after 6 months he left her to live with his Mom (2 states away). He has continued to see OW, but it is now a 360 degree turn in that he sees her when he can't see me, she is once again second in his life and his family is first. He is seeing reconciliation as desirable. He has his ups and downs, (usually lasting about a week and I believe that they are chemical/emotional/demonic). He had another turn on friday night (after prayers, yours included) and left me a message telling me once again, that he really did love me. Now, all of these changes are hopeful, and a source of encouragement. But, interwoven with all of the positives, are many things that are negative also. Bottom line, I believe he has to be healed and restored before our marriage can be right. I am waiting until the Lord tells me clearly to give up. If that is the Lord's plan, but I know that the Lord does not desire divorce. I ask the Lord often, if I should give up and I have asked the Lord to make me certain of his will regarding this. I have found when I have no leading, or certainty about what to do, that it is time to do nothing (except pray). I also have found that when it is time to do something, that I have a certainty and a peace in my heart to do just that. It is so very hard to wait, but God has things for us to do while we wait. Do not give up until God tells you it is over. I will continue to pray for you. I pray now, for Lone Knight. I ask that you encourage him according to your will for his life. I ask, Lord that you wrap your loving arms around him and make your lovd so very real to him, now. I ask that you speak to him and that when it is time for change, that he will know in his heart that it is God's plan and for good. I pray that you will tell him what to do, what steps to take, that you will guide him step by step and moment by moment as you work out the plan you have for his life. I ask, Lord, that the circumstances and appearances of all that is transpiring in his life will have no effect upon him as you are bigger than any of these things. Lord, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH YOU. Please speak this certainty to Lone Knight's heart. Lord, continue to work on the heart of Lone Knight's wife. Flood her mind with sweet remembrances of he husband's love. Touch her with your love and let your holy spirit witness to her, convict her, and show her the plan that you have for her. We ask that every plan and desire set forth by the enemy would be brought down and bound and that your peace, your love, and your wisdom would be loosed in a mighty flood into this marriage, over the spouses, and provide your covering for the children that they will even speak on your behalf. Let strangers, friends, and family speak your righteous truth to this family, Father. Let your will be done in this marriage and in these lives. Thank you, Jesus.

Today my family and I went to another town to visit with her mother and father one of her brothers and one of her sisters in a little church on the outskirts of this very small town. On the way there, she told me that she was definately leaving, definately filing for divorce and the two children she has "adopted" her 14 year old son's 19 year old best friend and his 21 year old fiance are moving into the house with my wife, my step-son and our 17 month old daughter. They are continually telling her how dispicable I am and she is listening to them. I don't know who to believe anymore. The other night my step-son told me that she blew up at him and told him that everything was his fault and he should accept the blame for our break up and divorce. I was outraged and made my thoughts known. On the trip today, she asked her son, in front of me if she really ever said that and he said no but that's what he felt like she was saying. He continually tells me he wants the family to stay together and that I have done more for him to help him to grow than any other person in his life, and then he lies to me. I'm not angry at him, but I don't know that I can believe anything he says either. My wife and I had talked about me keeping our daughter on the nights she works. She works 4rd shift. But now she says that since Josh's friend and his fiance are moving in, I won't be needed. I won't be allowed to keep our daughter because the fiance will try to get a day job so that she can watch our daughter at night. I'll hardly be able to see our daughter. No matter how hard I pray, no matter how I leave it at the cross, it continues to fall apart. I pray that GOD's will be done, but is it His will that we divorce? Is it His will that I not be allowed to see our daughter, except maybe once or twice a month? Is it His will that if that happens I will seriously think of ending my own life because I can't live without my family, especially our daughter? Is it His will that I just give up and be grateful for the few moments I did have and live alone for the rest of my life waiting for my wife to come back, for the family to reunite in love and to live for God? My faith is even failing. The harder I pray, the more I try to let God have it all, it continues to deteriorate. I don't know what to do, and I can't even think straight. I told her today that even though I don't want to, I am letting her go, but I will never take off my wedding ring, and I will wait for her until the day I die. What if she marries another person. How do I still stand fast in my vows I made to her and to God? How to I keep my faith alive and believe that every answer God gives me is that the family will be re-united and the marriage will be retored. We will have to get married again, but I welcome that, but if she marries another........ My faith will be destroyed because I KNOW that God is telling me we will be re-married after I heal and grow into the person God wants me to be. I need prayer more than ever. My entire family needs prayer more than ever especially our daughter who may never really know her real father. Thank you for your encouragement it means a lot. God bless you AND your family.<P>Lone_Knight<BR>

Lone Knight,<BR>Keep your wedding ring on. It isn't over, and God does care and wants your marriage restored.<P>Click on this link, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000173.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000173.html</A> and take the time to do the study. I want you to realize that your words are powerful, but so are God's.<P>Speak God's words over your situation, Lone Knight. God Bless You.<BR>TNT <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000173.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000173.html</A> <BR>

Lone Knight,<P>I thought this thread might be familiar to you, so that you can realize there is hope.<P>God Bless<BR>TNT<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003493.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/003493.html</A>

Dear Lone Knight: My heart goes out to you and I understand what you are feeling. I have spent a lot of time reading the Psalms and relating to David's heartbreak and he was so very eloquent in his converstations to the Lord. Psalm 6:6 has portrayed my situation many times. I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. I know how you are feeling. I spent a year with very little hope that my husband would return. His OW even bought him a much longed for truck. She seemed to be free of all the things that were problems between my H and I. I, too, hear over and over that I needed to speak and believe affirmatively about my situation. Did I? Most of the time, no I did not because my emotional state prevented it. I was devastated. I sleep walked through life and did not see an end to the hurt. I was to the point that I felt I had no reason to live. What changed this? I listened to what other's were saying, I prayed without ceasing, and when I became able to confess positively that I wanted God's glory in my life, his plan, and most of all, when I decided that his love was truly what I needed, then some changes began. It was a little like an experiment, I was positive and the reward was a little ray of hope in return for my efforts. As I have learned to relinquish my situation/my life to God, (and I still have days where I fail miserably-just climb back on the horse) the positive rays of hope are becoming even brighter and more frequent. My H is not saying "If we get back together", if is now "We belong together". He now tells me he loves me in most of our converstations. He is now hiding his contact with the OW from me.(How can I see this as positive, it is a turning of the tables for him and tells me he now sees it as wrong.) When I find out, I am trying to be patient and kind. Why? Because I am working at giving God control and that is the desire of my heart. That God puts my life in order and restores me. I do believe that his ultimate goal is to restore marriages. I do not believe that God desires us to have this kind of heartache and despair. I have spent 3 years and my situation is more hopeful as the days go by, but I am seeing a lot of things that have to be changed in both my H and me. I do believe that each individual has a free will to do as they wish, but remember that God knows us intimately and completely and he knows how to persuade us. He is constant and never sleeps. God is not capricious either, he is very constant and we know that he desires marriages to succeed. That is his word. I do believe that his first point of order is to get the individual's to a place where the marriage can be put back together and that means that he wants us to want him more than we want anything else. I have prayed many times that he would fill the emptiness in me. I have prayed that he would put his arms around me and make me his beloved. Sounds corny, but somehow just feeling loved help me to take the steps I needed to take for the day. I have been raising our daughter (pretty much alone) and I have been financially independent during these 3 years (I also have 2 other children at home and no child support at all). You see, there has been no room for me to fall apart. I have also dealt with the fear of losing my child. My H has taken her (just this year) to spend a length of time with him. He has taken her to the OW's and the OW told her she wanted to be her Mommy. I felt like they could offer her the family that I couldn't. She did not seem to miss me and I prayed. Things turned around. You also have a legal right to see your daughter, but I (and I work for attorneys) trust the divine courts and God's enforcement more than I do the courts of man. I will continue praying for you, but remember we are often most assaulted before a breakthrough in a situation God is working on. The enemy's last attempt to win the fight. I often cherished this thought when things were roughest. I have often asked how I could apply the wisdom that other's shared with me (positive confession, faith, standing for what I wanted, living a positive life) when I was in the pit. I did not have the strength on my own, I had to seek it from the Lord (still do). I have said all of this to tell you that my situation was truly hopeless, but God is working in it. I do believe that we have to seek God with all of our hearts first. A marriage, job, children, or anything else can not be first before God. Yes, we do live in this world and we have to for now. But, by putting all these things in his hands (an really this is easier when they are going all wrong) we are putting God first. I will pray with you that God will show you his will for your life, that he will guide your steps and that you will hear only God's thoughts which are for good. Many times, the word tells us to be positive thinkers. When you are at the bottom, this is most difficult, but he is there to help.

The latest information is this. On Friday evening, the 19 year old and his 20 something year old fiance called my wife at work. She is a dispatcher for a police agency. They asked her permission to give her 14 year old son alcohol and she said yes. At arounf 3 a.m. Saturday morning I woke up knowing something was wrong. I didn't hear any noises or anything, but I just felt something was wrong. I found Josh, passed out on the floor. He had fallen down the stairs from his room and was lying there. I couldn't tell if he was breathing, and I called my wife at work. The lines are recored by the way. And told her that I was going to call an ambulance because I didn't know how badly he was hurt and I really couldn't tell if he was breathing. The 20 something asked to talk to my wife and the conversation consisted of "you know, you know why." And then handed the phone back to me. My wife said not to call an ambulance. I was dumbfounded. Then after I hung up the phone the 20 something told me that my step-son hadn't been feeling well. The next day, I went to empty the trash and found the empty bottle that once contained alcohol. I also found a small bottle of crown royal which was also empty. I panicked. I called my wifes mother, my step-sons natural father and told them what had happened. Now my wife hates me even more. The 19 year old called earlier this evening and said he would stop by after work. My wife and the rest of the family went out for the day and lost track of time, but didn't leave me a note. I was worried sick. My step-son's natural father was supposed to spend the evening with my step son, but they never showed up. He left here two hours later. I had a counseling session tonight and was told not to lay down and play dead anymore. When the family finally DID get back home I exploded. Then I told my wife I knew about the alcohol and that if it ever happened again I WOULD call the police, but I won't this time. I told her I knew the conversations to the police office were recored and if I had to, I Would get a copy of Friday nights calls to use it in court if I had to. So I know she will go and erase the tape tonight. She usually leaves for work at 10 at night, that was about the time the 19 year old showed up and my wife, my step-son, and the 19 year old had a conversation. I was being nosey and stepped outside and the moment they saw me, they leaned into the car where she was sitting and started whispering. Then she finally left for work. Then the boys went up stairs, grabbed a few things and left to spend the night at the 19 year olds house. They are plotting against me and now I know the truth about some things now they are trying to cover their tracks. The devil really is working on the whole family so I need prayer, we all need prayer now more than ever! Pray that this will all be resolved and the family can be restored. I still love my family even after all of this and GOD is STILL telling me to fight to keep the family together. No matter what it costs me. Please help me, please pray for us all.

Dear Lone Knight: I was praying for you this morning on my way to work. I understand how difficult the situation must be for you. Children are important and what you teach them is important also. People have different ideas about what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes people convince themselves that something is right when they know it is wrong. I am the mother of 4 (21, 19, 15, and 4) and I have been through much of this. The older children can be a big influence on the younger ones and not always good. With my older children, I have chosen to try to respect their right to make decisions and work hard at communicating my beliefs to them. One rule that I maintain is "This is my house and the behavior here should be comfortable for me and that means that behavior must be in line with what I believe." My 19 year old and I disagree about some pretty important issues, but any rules I enforce are enforced on the above premise. We do talk a lot and he is open with me. I told him "no parties in my home" because it is a legal responsibility that falls on me. He also knows that there is a respect issue for my home and my things. He understands this perspective. The 15 year old has been a handful. She decided to not go to school this year and we have had a trying time. I have told her that she is my responsibility and that what she does impacts me, therefore she will abide by my rules and go to school or she can go to her father's because I can not have this disruption in my life. She has straightened out and is doing much better. This stance seemed to earn her respect. It is a constant battle with children and my older children's father has ideas about life which are much different than mine. I prayed for wisdom about all of these things and things do seem to be going fairly well on this front of my life. I keep praying, however. I recommend seeking the Lord's advice about how to deal with this problem. He will give you specific answers. Yes, this is an effort by the enemy to steal and destroy what you hold precious. Just stay focused on what he has to say. My own life has taken a little twist over the weekend and I, too need prayer. My H had us come over and was saying all the right words. Let's get remarried, I love you, I really want this family, I will not ever see the OW again. We had a very nice time. I came home with our daughter and he was to follow on his motorcycle. He said "I will see you tonight and spend the week with you". At 5 a.m. he wasn't here and I became worried. Went by the OW's apartment and his bike was there. He called me at work several hours later (everything was fine, he had just got to town). I told him I knew the truth. Old tale, new day. I asked him to not contact me anymore as I can not go through this anymore. He is planning on a week's camping trip and it is her vacation this week. I have been doing my best to put in those love deposits and thought it was going pretty well. He talked remarriage, commitment, and I love you. Bottom line, he wants his cake and to eat it too. I drafted a Plan B letter and of course, I am praying. I am tired. Our 4 year old was upset as she said "Daddy told me he would'nt see Laura anymore because he loved us and wanted to be a family". I am dealing with her disappointment and that hurts. I do not understand his behavior. I do feel I need to separate myself from the roller coaster and see what God does with this situation. It hurts. I see so many people here and I know the pain they are going through. We just have to believe that God will work it out. I will continue praying for you and your family, Lone Knight.

Things are getting worse, it seems, daily. Now my wife is secretive, jumps to the phone everytime it rings. She has found a girlfriend for her son,and takes him to see her quite often. She says she goes over there with her son and our daughter and sleeps. The person she goes to see is male, a police officer and divorced. I have a terrible feeling she is having an affair. The step-son continually lies to me and tells me he wants things to work out and that my wife just wants some time to think about how to make the marriage work, while she moves out. He told me he promised her he wouldn't tell me who the person she is seeing, but that they are not "seeing each other," or "dating" My wife just goes over there and sleeps. I don't believe that for a moment. I can't trust talking to anyone at home that knows about what is happening. They all seem to be trying to keep everything stirred up in my mind to drive me insane. It seems to be working. Yet in spite of even this morning with my wife telling me she doesn't believe I will EVER change, I prayed all day today and still keep getting the same answers that GOD wants this family to work through the attacks of the devil and stay together. This morning all I could think about was completely giving up hope of ever being anything at all to any member of the family and thought they would be better off without me completely. But, then I felt the presence of GOD and his comfort and my hopes were once again uplifted and my faith in GOD and our marriage was once again restored...... My wife has agreed to go to see my counselor with me on Monday. But I don't rhink she will tell the truth, or honestly listen to anything the counselor has to say about anything. I think we will leave the counselling session and she will say that's the last straw and leave. Which she was planning to do anyway. I can't think straight, I can't perform my job like I should, and I can't sleep. I'm losing it.

Dear Lone Knight: I know how hard it is to believe in the middle of circumstances that clearly defy what we are believing for. Keep praying,(I will keep praying for you as well...gives me a break from praying for me). I pray that you will have strength and peace. I believe that restored marriages are a desire of our heavenly Father. I will pray that you will be encouraged that the Lord will work out his glorious plan for your life. I will also pray that he will give you assurance and reassurance that he is a awesome source of hope, capable of more than we can imagine. Keep seeking him, I know your pain is great and the struggle is tiring, but the outcome will over shadow all you are now going through.

My wife has found a house in another town and will begin moving out this weekend. Just a few minutes ago, she told me there is still hope for her and I, but not unless I continue my counseling and continue healing and growing up, as she puts it. She wants sole custody of our daughter, but will reconsider after six months and I will not be able to see our daughter but maybe once or twice a month until she decides I'm "safe enough" to be around my daughter. My counselor says He will testify on my behalf that I am fully capable of being a wonderful father to our daughter and will help me fight for joint custody when the divorce is brought before a judge. She will be filing for divorce at the end of next month. I don't know what to do. I will continue counseling. My wife agreed to go to the next two sessions with me. Maybe that will be a start to us reconciling our marriage and our family. She is still seeing the other man and I know who he is now. But I won't say anything to her or him that I know about it. I just want my family hack, I don't need a plan b I already forgave her and I will happily take her back if she returns. I will wait for her until I draw my last breath, because it is what GOD wants me to do. That is the answer I receive every time I pray. I have to leave now the 19 year old is here and spending the night. Please continue to pray for our family.<BR>I'm about to go insane.

continue to pray for this family. We need miracles in all aspects of our marriage. Finances, trust, love, family, Faith in GOD and several others. Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement. They are all greatly appreciated.<BR>Lone_Knight.<BR>

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for working in Lone Knight's life. I praise Your Holy Name Lord, for it is the Name above all Names, and worthy to be praised! Father, You are everything to us, we Love You and worship You and only You. Thank You for hearing our pleas, and answering our prayers. Father, your child Lone Knight is hurting so much, please send the great Comforter to him tonight to ease his pain and heal his broken heart. Lord, he seeks You diligently, please bless him, show him what You wish for him to do. Help him Lord to make the right decisions. Lord, please turn his wife's heart back to her husband, but first to You. Bring her dear Lord to a place of full repentance at the foot of the cross. I pray that You will reach down and touch her, convicting her, filling her with Your love and peace. Reveal to her the path of Your will. Father, please open her eyes to see You, and open her ears to hear Your word so that she may heed Your word and call on her life. Thank You Father for lifting up Lone Knight. I praise You Lord, and thank You from the bottom of my heart. We trust in You. IJN I pray AMEN<P>And a quote for you from NewLife Ministries:<P>"When Jesus forgave the thief who hung on the cross next to Him, He set an example for us: <B>we are never to give up on anyone.</B> Some men and women have carried a burden of wrongdoing and guilt around for decades, and they have never confronted their need for forgiveness.<P>How can we give up on each other when God never gives up on us?" <BR>

Thank you all for your prayers and support. Your encouragement means the world to me. I will always be greatful and thankful to you all and for GOD to showing me everything all of you have given to me. There will always be a desire to reconcile with my wife, but it seems I am facing an unrealistic dream at the moment. I have to live and survive. I can't do that, nor can I heal if I don't take care of the daily matters, battle my depression and learn to live all over again, rather than devote all of my time and energies to a reconciliation that seems impossible. I know all things are possible with GOD, and I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. But I must not neglect the daily life I MUST live and become as healthy as I can for my daughters sake. Please continue to pray for me as I battle a road that will be long and filled with setbacks, but I now know that when I reach the end of this road, life will be glorious and I will finally be at peace with myself and everyone around me, until the day GOD calls me home to live with HIM in heaven.<BR>May GOD bless you all!<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>