My wife moved everything out of the house that she wanted, with the exception of a few last minute items. She was supposed to leave me a couple of blank checks so that I could pay for the visit to the psychiatrist I am now having to see, as well as any medications I might have to purchase. I came home from work to find the refridgerator, the washer, AND the dryer gone. She took all the food in the house and all the bedding. I have little or no utensils, a couple of pots and pans. Last night she said there IS hope for us. But until there is a YOU (Jim) There can be no US..... Then she listened and actually sounded like she was willing to give us one final try. Then she looked at me and said "I don't know WHAT the future holds." I have lost everything and everyone I have ever truly loved, and even in the face of this defeat, GOD is STILL telling me to hold on..... Hold on to what? My wife won't even talk to me, unless it's to yell at me for something. I give her cards that tell her how I feel, she gets mad and throws them away. I was supposed to be allowed to watch our daughter tonight, but they never came home. Well, to my new single home anyway. They are all having the time of their lives in the new house. I'm sitting here in the dark praying to save my family and my marriage, and she doesn't care in the least about what happens to me. How am I supposed to believe and have faith that GOD will help me save this marriage when she seems to be mocking me at every turn? The funny thing is, I still love this woman with all my heart and would take ber back instantly if she ever decided that I was her soulmate as we always told each other we were. All I want to do right now is crawl into a deep, deep hole, and pull the dirt over me and never come out again. Why would GOD tell me to be strong and that the marriage will be saved, while she continues to try to get me to jump through hoops and then roll over and play dead? I'm actually happy I am seeing a counselor for my depression and now even happier I am seeing a psychiatrist as well.... I think I'm going to need them both after I go completely insane.

Lone Knight,<P>At a few different times in our marriage everyone I knew told me it wouldn't work, and to give up - except God.<P>I don't know how many nights I cried myself to sleep - wore out my knees - praying all night long for my marriage. <P>I went to every prayer meeting I could find and found people that would agree with me in prayer to restore our marriage. I got in the word, and studied studied studied.<P>The Lord moved our marriage back together. Just keep loving your wife and praying, and remember - there may be tears all night, but joy in the morning.<P>It is just plain evil, this attack on your marriage, but remember - it isn't God that is trying to destroy it, there is another force involved, and it is the opposite of God. Your wife is not motivated by God to leave you.<P>This is a spiritual war - the war between Good and Evil. God will win the war. This is just a battle, but you need to keep your faith and believe.<P>You are hearing the right thing here - stay strong and believe - and hold on to your marriage.<P>Call your Salvation Army and they will help you get a food basket, and other things that you may need. Don't let pride get in your way from progress.<P>God Bless.<BR>TNT

Lone_Knight,<P>I've been following your posts for a while now. I intended to respond to them sooner but have been dealing with my dad deciding to have a heart attack on father's day and other issues for several weeks.<P>First, take a deep breath and relax for a moment. You are not alone. I am only a husband and father. There are many of us out here, both husbands and wives, in similar situations. I have been married to my wife for 24 years now. I don't even remember what sex is. It has been about six years since my wife hugged or kissed me. I had to file an assualt complaint against my wife in November 1999 after a violent attack by her. When she decided to file divorce papers in December 1999, she tried to file a false police report against me and gained control of our younger daughter, the house and everything in it. Our older daughter was there and told the police that her mother was lying and had gone after me, and I had refused to respond to her violence. As a result of this and my wife sending her lady-friend to harrass me when she found where I had gone, I have spent most of the last six months at friends houses and motels, moving around to avoid harassment and stalking by her friend. So here I sit with everything I could get out of the house in 10 minutes fitting in the back seat of my van. I have not seen or talked with my wife or younger daughter since December, and no end is in sight. These are some of the circumstances of my situation at the moment. But it is important to remember they are only circumstances, nothing more.<P>Please do not be offended by what I am saying here. I am not trying to suggest that you follow a similar course to the one I have chosen. I am only relating some of my personal experiences in the hope it might help you decide what is right for you. I am seeing several things in your posts that stand out for me.<P>One is that you are allowing your circumstances to overwhelm you. This is normal I believe, but you have to work past that point. It required about two months of reading, prayer and fasting for 2-3 days at a time for me to do it, everyone has their own way and time. When I started I had read some of Dr. Harley's materials, but my wife rejected using them. I had never heard of standing for God to heal and restore your marriage, and had no idea what it involved. At the end of this time I knew that my marriage covenant was still intact and valid, circumstances could not change it. I knew that I was to remain faithful to my marriage covenant regardless of circumstances, my wife's actions and choices, other people's opinions, or even divorce. Again, I am not trying to say this is what you must do, I am only relating what I have chosen for myself. Each person must arrive at their own decision and choices on this.<P>The other area I see is that you are focusing on your wife's words, actions and choices rather than on God and His word. Again, I made this mistake myself. Remember, your wife is not your enemy, neither are you her's. Satan seeks to take control of and destroy every marriage he can. We are in a spiritual battle for our families. In my case, I tried to work on the relationship on my own, no longer seeking God or his will. I became so afraid of my wife that I was focusing only on her words and actions, unable to work on the marriage relationship and the actual problems behind the circumstances.<P>What I am trying to say as I ramble on here is that you need to remember the fact that God is above the circumstances and will get you through them if you focus on Him rather than the circumstances or your wife's actions.<P>On your questions about faith and God's will today and few weeks ago I would like to offer this. Is it not possible that both you and your wife are hearing God correctly? I don't know, but I do know that God hates divorce. Therefore, if you are asking for God's will and guidance as you pray, it seems quite probable to me that God would let you know He wants to restore your marriage for His glory. At the same time I can understand Him allowing your wife a time of separation and healing while He works with you before the marriage can be restored. I don't know, but this is the first thought that came to me reading your post about it.<P>As far as the questions about faith, that's a hard one for me. The best I can offer you is to read your Bible and pray every day. I aim for about an hour a day, more-or-less. When I started in December, I had no hope, little faith, and no support. Now I have two of my sisters and their husbands, plus two church prayer groups praying for God's healing and restoration of our marriage. My faith is growing stronger and I am filling more every day with the hope and knowledge that God is restoring our marriage. In my case, the closer I try to get to God's will and the more I seek Him, the stronger my faith becomes. Circumstances that would have had me sitting crying for hours a few months ago now only leave me shaken and weak for a short time, because I know that regardless of the circumstances God is in control of the situation.<P>I hope some part of what I have tried to say here might be of help to you.<P>Father, I ask that you come to Lone_Knight as he is sleeping tonight. Touch his heart, Father, fill him with your love and peace. Speak to him with your quite voice as he sleeps, Father, show him Your will for his life and marriage. Touch his eyes, Father, and open them to the little miracles you are placing in his life to heal and restore both him and his marriage. Let him see the changes You want to make in him to bring him closer to you, Father, while you are healing him. <P>Father, I ask that you give him the faith he needs to rise above the circumstances that he sees, so that he may follow your path for his life. Surround Lone_Knight and his wife, Father, with Your people to pray for them and support them in this difficult time. Touch his wife, Father, give her the love, faith and hope she needs also to get through this time of healing and restoration. Bring the people into their lives, Father, that can help them and guide them through the difficulties they face.<P>I ask these of You in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Dear Trustntruth and RonS;<BR>I thank both of you for your encouraging words and comments. I also thank you for your prayers not only for me, but for my wife also. I am seeminly fighting a losing battle and she seems to be mocking me at every turn. I have not heard from her since Wednesday night. I was supposed to be able to watch our daughter last night, but they never came back after moving everything. There are still a few large items that she wants from the house. I will ask her not to move them if I am here, I really don't want to watch her leave. She is supposed to go to the counselor with me on Monday, but if it's anything like last week, she won't show up for that one either. She plans to file for divorce in the county where I live which is actually a good thing because the judge that hears all the divorce cases here MAKES every couple go through marriage counseling, so maybe that in itself is a blessing and a miracle. Maybe then she will be willing to fight for our marriage. But as it stands now, I don't even know where she lives, I have no phone number to contact her, or a way to get messages or her mail to her. I still love this woman with all my heart and soul and she won't even talk to me.<BR>Ron, I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation. My wife nor I have ever hit the other person. We have never really even screamed at one another. I thank you for your prayers, and I will pray for you and your family tonight as well. You had some valid points that I agree with, I just haven't learned how to let go and let GOD take care of it. I have always been a fighter, ever since I can remember. GOD may tell someone to leave for a while, but he will NEVER tell ANY person to file for divorce. Malachi and Deuteronomy Both tell us how GOD HATES divorce. There may be hope and light at the end of this long dark tunnel, but at the moment all I can see is total darkness and fear overwhelms me to the point that I have even considered ending my own life. But GOD will put a picture of our daughter in my mind, and then out a picture of my wife in my mind and I can't go through with the attempt at ending my life. GOD tells me to hold on and to fight, but also, my wife is fighting me AND GOD at every turn. it's difficult to hold to faith and belief when she is running so very hard away from GOD rather than TO Him and our marriage. Your prayers as well as the prayers of all the wonderful people here is a tremendous comfort for which I am extremely grateful. I also enjoy praying for all the requests here as well. It takes my mind from my troubles even if it's only for a few moments, that is a few moments of peace where I am not worrying about all the "what ifs" that could or couldn't happen in my attempts to find a way to reconcile and restore this marriage.<BR>Thank you, all of you for everything, and GOD bless you all.<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>

LN, Satan is using your wife to attack you. Rebuke him, you have all power and authority over the enemy, given to you by the blood of the lamb, Jesus Christ. Your battle is not with your wife, it is with the enemy, and that battle is already won for you by Jesus. You have to claim your victory. God will use this time apart from your wife for His good and His glory. Trust Him. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>all I can see is total darkness and fear overwhelms me to the point that I have even considered ending my own life<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>These thoughts are from Satan. He is a liar. He will do anything and everything to drag you down, trying to get you to give up on God. Don't let him near your thoughts!! Take each thought captive, rebuke the enemy in Jesus name! Start praising the Lord and the enemy will flee!!!! Believe me I fully understand how you are feeling, I have been in the same situation as you, my husband committed adultery at least 6 times that I know of, plus my husband is drinking himself to death. But I am NOT going to let the enemy steal my joy! When I start getting down, I go to my bedroom to pray alone, I come here and pray with you all, and the ladies on the Women's Bible Study, listen to uplifting Christian music, and read my bible. The more you praise and thank Him, the faster the enemy gets out of your life. Keep praying and praising. Search through some of the old posts here, and read all you can. Do a search for posts by emani, they are SOOOO uplifting and full of hope. <P>God bless you abundantly LN. I am praying for you.<P>AW

It seems that no matter how HARD I try to keep a positive attitude and NOT believe the lies of the devil, Something happens, more damage control I have to do, and what little faith I have comes crashing back down to zero. I still hear HOLD on, it will be reconciled, but I also hear her negativity when she ways "no way in heaven, in hell, or on earth will we EVER be together again, and as soon as I (my wife) get the money, I am filing for divorce." How can I just let everything go and fight a silent fight knowing that no matter how much GOD changes me and my life, she will never see past her indifference and stubbornness? Instead of finding even MORE faith, I stumble more everyday to the point that I now feel I will live life, but never truly live, except for the moments I spend with my daughter. Yet in spite of EVERYTHING, GOD tells me to HOLD ON... to what? And HOW?<BR>Lone_Knight<P>

Dear Lone Knight: The greatest feat to be accomplished with the destruction of marriages, is the destruction of the individuals. Don't let the enemy do this....we all struggle with this, but God does love you and plans good things for you-we have HIS WORD on that. I know how hard it is to keep faith in something that seems impossible when everything in the natural says that it can not be. But, we know God is a big God and can do anything. I have heard statements of rejection as clear as the ones you are hearing. This weekend I heard my H say "I do love you like I used to." In my situation, my H truly needs help and healing...he is on a crash course with all the things in his life. I am waiting to see what God wants me to do, but when he tells us something clearly, believe it, rest and let him take care of the plan for accomplishing it all. I will be praying for you.

Well, LN, when she tells you she will file for divorce as soon as she gets the money, don't discuss it with her, go to your prayer closet and fervently pray that the Lord block all her attempts at getting a divorce, and keep her from obtaining the funds to obtain a divorce. Pray scripture over this, such as Malachi "God hates divorce". When you start to feel drug down and depressed, pray and ask the Lord to take the feeling away and give you His joy. Go to a Holy Spirit filled church and go to the altar for prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill every empty spot in your heart, your mind, and your soul. Make the Lord first and foremost in everything and you will feel better. I know how you are feeling, I really, really do LN. I was devastated when we separated. It was only through the grace of God that my heart healed. My husband was unfaithful and had been for 9 mos. prior. I was overwhelmed with grief, hurt, despair. I kept praying and praying and praying, and the Lord lifted the pain. Yes it still surfaces, but through prayer and praise and worship, I feel better. I still get down and need to get on my knees a lot and pray. Living with an alcoholic is a depressing life. You can do nothing to help them, you have to "shut up and pray". <P>This is my opinion, so please don't feel offended, but no amount of psychiatric care will be as effective as heartfelt, incessant prayer. Prayer is the answer, the Lord is the greatest Counselor. He will heal your broken heart, LN. Get into His word daily, study it, absorb it. Let Jesus rule your heart and mind. <P>Don't listen to her negativity. When she starts to be negative, PRAY right then, and rebuke Satan. Plead the blood of Jesus over yourself, your wife, your children, your home, your marriage. When negative thoughts creep into your mind, take them captive and rebuke Satan. The enemy lies to you, telling you "its never going to work out, my marriage is doomed, etc." All bit fat lies. You have all authority over the enemy, so kick him out of your life, don't let him deceive you. And above all, praise the Lord constantly. The Lord loves a thankful heart. Give all your thanks and praise to Him, ask Him to increase your faith. Listen for His words to you. Pray before you start reading your bible for the Lord to enlighten you. As soon as you get up each morning, ask the Lord to guide your every thought, word and deed, and to carry you through the day. He will. He LOVES YOU!<P>God bless you LN,<P>AW

I came home from work this afternoon to find my wife here with a male "friend." loading things into her car. He was outside and I walked into MY house. There she was packing things and being all friendly with him. But spiteful, silent and angry towards me. I asked her if I could speak with her privately and the guy wouldn't leave. He is a police officer from another county. He flashed his badge at me, and with all the rage, bitterness and contempt I had in me, I told him this is MY house, she is MY wife and YOU have NO jurisdiction in this city. All I want is a few minutes ALONE with my wife. He said I'm just here to help a friend move and give her some support. Bull.....<BR>My wife wanted to know how our daughter got a raw place on her behind. It was not there when I had her Saturday night, or on Sunday. But she said there were a couple of bite marks and a raw place on her butt when she changed her Sunday night. I told her I didn't know, but I would never do ANYTHING to hurt our daughter if THAT is what she meant. Then we had a HUGE argument about the house. Her sister and brother in law want to immediately rent the place and then buy it. I told her I wasn't selling it. SHE WEN'T BALLSTIC. She asked me again Are you going to sell the house or not? I told her I'm not answering ANY questions with HIM in this house. You want to talk about it, have him go outside. I don't want him here. She got mad at that too and stormed out of the house. I thought they would leave but they didn't. After a few minutes, she came back in and started getting things again. I cornered her verbally demanding to know ONE single reason why she would not think of reconciling. She said her son told her that if she and I ever get back together He will RUN AWAY from home and she will NOT let that happen. I then got stupid and asked, well what about when he moves away, she said I don't know that far ahead he's only 14. More damage control. No matter how much I pray during the day... I come home and something like this happens.... I can't hold on anymore........ It IS impossible and I just won't accept it. Fine... I accept it.. it's over, and I have to live my life. I feel like GOD has allowed a curse to fall upon me since the day I was born, and it can never be broken Sexually abused at 8 years old, and alcoholic father, a broken home, no friends in school, my own battle with alcohol that I beat that demon three years ago. A failing.. actually now failed marriage. I have my daughter to live for, one true friend that lives nearby and my mother, even though she thinks I am nuts because I still love my wife and my step-son with all my heart and I will die for my daughter if I ever had to. I am thankful for my daughter, for the people I mentioned, but the lies are so convinicing from the devil. GOD isn't doing anything to help me anymore,. I can't find peace in prayer, I can't find joy in church. I can't find hope in all this damage control.... I can't fight EVERYTHING all at once, feeling sick to my stomach, knowing my wife is getting on with her life and doesnt' care if I live or die.I'm desperately seeking GOD's love, forgiveness, strength and peace and I must be looking TOO hard. I'm not finding it at ALL, just more heartbreak, feelings of worthlessness and completely and totally defeated. I am obsessed with getting my family back, because GOD tells me to fight with everything I have to SAVE our marriage. I prayed that we wouldn't seperate, WE DID, I prayed that the marriage would be saved when she went to the counselor with me last monday, She moved out of the house. I prayed that divorce will be avoided, she almost has enough money to get the paperwork started. GOD is NOT answering ANY of my prayers anymore even if it IT in HIS time and according to HIS will...... Nothing is working AT ALL..... I'm lost in a sea of despair, trying dilligently to do what GOD truly told me to do and fight with everything I have, but she won't even talk to me at all about ANY of it. How can I see a reason to fight when all it does is DRIVE her further away? If GOD want's the marriage reconciled and She is completely happy the way things are now, happy she is filing for divorce, happy to be out of this house, HOW in the NAME of ALMIGHTY GOD can ANY prayer for reconciliation work now? She's blindly happy with the way things are. I can't fight that, and neither can GOD. SHe's got it all figured out, when the divorce is final she will file for a second bankruptcy..... All figured out. I lose every way I view it.<BR>Lone Knight

<<<<<<Dear Lone Knight>>>>>>>><P>Your post expresses sooooo much real pain, I can actually feel it...your despair. It is so hard to hold on to ANYTHING when you feel like the Lord is nowhere to be found. I feel very much like you....I am just having the hardest time holding on...why should I? Divorce happens to Christians all the time...why should I think I'm anyone special to have it not happen to me?<P>Well, now I'm gonna do some preaching...to myself as much as to you:<P>*Job said...."Tho He slay me, yet will I praise Him"<BR>*Habbakuk said..."Tho the fig tree withers, and there are no crops in the field, Yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in God MY SAVIOUR."<BR>*Abraham said..."He's my promised son, yet God is asking me to kill him. Yet the Lord will provide."<BR>*Daniel said...."MAN those lions are big and look really hungry! But I will trust in God."<BR>*Shadrach, Meshack & Abednego said...."We will not deny our God, even if you throw us in that fiery furnace."<BR>*Peter said...."Boy these waves are big and I'm walking on them? Trippin!!!"<BR>*Lone Knight said...."Yet in spite of EVERYTHING, GOD tells me to HOLD ON!" <P>Well then....HOLD ON, BROTHER!!! We are all right there with you!! <P><B>"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will NOT GROW WEARY AND LOOSE HEART." Hebrews 12: 1-3</B><P>We DON'T understand how....but God said...<P><B>"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is ANYTHING too hard for me?" (Jer. 32.27) </B><P>Hang in there, buddy! You're in my prayers.<BR>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P><BR>

Lone Knight,<P>What pain you are in. I know you truly feel like giving up. Remember, there is no one with more power than the Lord. So read His Word, keep paging until you find something that really speaks to you. Then memorize that. You cannot lose by spending time with God's word. He has promised us--His Word will not return to Him void. God keeps His promises. <P>Why? My son asks me that frequently. (he is 22). I don't know, except I am confident that God has my best interests at heart, and that He did give us free choice. Therefore, He gave all people free choice. HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE PEOPLES' HEARTS AND MINDS.<P>Tonight, I spent 5 hours in 2 different restaurants with my H. It was his birthday, and the OW didn't spend it with him. To me, this was a miracle. Oh, he said it would be a long time before we could get back together, but in March it was NEVER! An accident? No, GOD!<P>However, in the interim, I have had many near accidents driving because I was so upset. <P>Please, if you can't do this for your sake, do it for your children. God's word changes things, just as prayer does. Pray the scriptures. Psalm 27, 37, 55, and many more that you will find speak the feelings you have.<P>Still praying for you,<P>Committed