Today I read a devotional that I get daily from LivePrayer.com, and it was talking about forgiveness and how the lack of it could be hindering God from blessing you. In it, it also said that God doesn't bless sin, but what else would you call it when the OW got pregnant(it turns out that it is what she really wanted all along)and has a healthy baby girl(she was convinced it was going to be a boy.) Isn't the baby God's way of blessing the sin of adultery between my H and this OW???? I have wanted to have another child very badly, but haven't been able to get pregnant, so I constantly feel like this OW flaunts this child in my face like"see what I got out of all this !" Even my friends that she her call her a she devil because she follows us around trying to cause a confrontation I guess. If she wants one she will get one from me if she continues. So far I haven't said or done anything to her because I know that vengence belongs to the Lord and I am trying to keep quiet, but it has and is getting harder to keep my mouth shut. No matter how I look at the situation, it always seems like she got the blessing and got away scot free from the sin she committed! <BR>Does anyone else see anything different that I might not be seeing. Maybe someone who has been on the other side of this scenerio?<BR>I have been battling depression constantly, and am extremely tired of all this mess. What more am I suppose to do for God in this situation, when I wasn't the one who caused the mess in the first place. I really want to give it up, but then what do I do????

hi nurse, I am of little help, but I wanted you to know that there is someone here listening! Maybe those that have more experience with the child issue can help you. Maybe tnt, proforg, fhl, nsr, chris, for bible things. I am remedial in that area too, though trying to learn. Chris has a great bible forum with some knowledgeable participants! Visit there? <BR>My first thought is for you two to move! If this ow is going to follow you around and continually put herself in your marraige, I see few alternatives. Especially with the child involved. A new outlook for your marriage? You are a strong wonderful woman and I am sure with some help, you will come up with a plan that works for you. <BR>Depression? No wonder! Of course you have been depressed....that is part of reality I am afraid. It does not mean you have to stay there! Are you getting treatment for this? Counseling? Drugs? Exercise is very helpful. I know, when depressed we sure do not want to go to the gym, bike or swim laps, but it really does help. I like yoga too. It is calming, refreshing.<BR>Ok nurse, you know all this stuff!! Here, take my hand, I will help you get a few steps out of the ditch. The idea is too work on a plan that will keep you out of the ditch and move your marriage forward!<BR>An intermediary for exchanging photos? No phone calls? There has to be a way!

nurse,<P>maybe a way to look at your situation is this - God didn't punish the baby - she was born healthy and beautiful. God is not blessing the OW, because your H is with YOU and YOUR family is intact. She will always get the leftovers. I know she is a thorn in your side, but she hasn't emerged victorious. <P>I agree with cl - get help for the depression. Don't let the OW be victorious by allowing her to continue to destroy your life.<P>Also, can you guys move? Your H owes the baby his support, but you don't have to live close by to do that. Just echoing cl's thoughts...<P>Roll Me Away

When I am unable to comprehend the "injustices" of this world, I try to remember:<P>1. God is in control<BR>2. God gives me what I NEED, not necessarily what I want.<BR>3. All things work together for good.<BR>4. Vengence is mine saith the Lord.<P>I have so much compassion for those that have to deal w/babies of OP's. I thank God that I didn't have to deal with it after our "scare" I truly don't know how I could have handled it.<P>Special prayers to all who endure this.<P>God Bless!<P>

nurse,<BR>My H also has a child by former OW and I've thought your question before, myself. I do not think God blesses adultery. My personal belief is that a child of adultery comes to teach the guilty parties things they might not otherwise learn. If my H had "gotten away with" his affair, he would not have learned how dysfunctional it is to go to such extremes to avoid conflict (with his wife). We have learned very important relationship things. He has this child, unfortunately, to thank for it, for his growth and for the pain she will endure by growing up without a father nearby, for being a child of adultery. It may be the mother's fault entirely (if she did not use her birth control), or a birth control failure (reproduction is what the system is for!), or an act of God. If you believe the latter, I hope find it comforting to see it as I do, as part of learning consequences. There is a good Bible story on this re: Abraham's child by (wife)Sarah's handmaid, Ishmael... I'll find the chapter if you like. God says Sarah is right to send the handmaid and child away.<P>I'm sorry also for your infertility loss. I know it is a painful addition to your story. Personal story there but I've rambled enough for now. Feel free to ask questions...<P>

Thanks cl, roll me away, enlightened and Jenny for responding to me plea. Your comments have helped. I agree with you Jenny that my H and the OW have to face the consequences of this child and have to respond to her questions when she gets older as to why her mother and father are not together. I wonder what story she will tell her? But that is not my concern! I just wish I could put all this in a place where I could deal more effectively with it then having to think about it every single day. My H seems to just go on with his life. Happy to have us back together and trying to rebuild our lives. Why can't I just get over it and be happy? I still hurt soooooo much over this. Is there something pschologically wrong with me? I don't know anymore. I just keep reading the word and praying that God will some day show me the answers. <BR>But thanks to you all for your listening ears and helpful advise.<BR>God bless you all!!!

nurse,<P>One of the recovery steps that Dr. Harley advocates is that there is no further contact with the OP. It sounds like both you and your husband still suffer from that contact.<P>One suggestion that I would have for you would be for you and your husband to move away from your home, and start building your marriage in a new place, away from this distraction.

Thanks for the suggestion. I desparately wanted to move but H absolutely refused!! He said he didn't feel like it was God's leading at this time. He was born and raised in this town and his mother and father live here and he really see's no reason to leave. It would be running away from our problems according to him! But I would move at the drop of the hat! The OW only lives about 3 miles from our house, and I have to see her almost every day when I go to work or go home. He just can't understand why I can't handle living here. I work at the high school where her other children go, and I have to see them at school functions and at athletic games and so on. My H always acts like he doesn't see them, but how can he not when they are practically sitting right in front of us and I know she does that deliberately.<BR>But, oh well, life does go on as my friends say. They have even seen her follow us around and have been amazed at her audacity. They call her"she devil" now. But, my H absolutely will not even think about moving.

Your situation sounds very painful!! It has been over a year for me and I still struggle with thinking of the OW sometimes; it sounds much more recent for you plus she lives right there, which I don't have to deal with.<P>Do you have a counselor? Would you consider one? It is important, esp. with her so near, to have better boundaries re: contact. I am a believer in the couple policies of joint agreement and honesty- very important. You might even be able to talk the former OW into seeing the counselor with you+H to work out a verbal agreement re: the child, and how you feel about her "being in your face" in a small town. Is H paying child support? DNA done? Very important to cover yourself legally. This sounds messy.