Please pray for me. I have reached the point in my 3 1/2 year marriage where I just can't take anymore. I stopped loving my husband months ago, and stopped expecting our relationship to ever improve as well. Now I've realized that I don't want to live this way for the rest of my life, or subject my children to this either. I am only 32, they are 2 and 10 months old, and I know that there is still time for us to have happy lives, but not with this man in them. Today his selfishness and uncaring attitude was so frustrating, and provoked so much anger in me that after he left I went out to the garage and smashed his favorite acoustic guitar to pieces. I was so angry with him I was shaking, and it took me over an hour to calm down. I'm tired of being a "married single parent". I receive no support from him, no emotional connection, nothing. We separated a year ago for 3 months and I came back to him (against all my family's advice) because he'd been in an accident and needed me. Now things are worse than they ever were; if we were in the same situation today I would leave him to suffer alone. I've begged him to go to counseling with me, but he refuses because they are only out to make money, and besides HE's not doing anything wrong, I'm the one with all the problems in his eyes. I'm a Christian and don't believe I have the right to divorce him, but I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life and I'm afraid of the effects this situation and my anger and bitterness will have on our children. I thought I could just live with it but after today I know I cant' and have to do something before something terrible happens. I know there's no point in trying to talk to him because he will either ignore me or just walk out like he always does. It's so hard to let go of the dream of a good marriage and deep within I know that if God wanted he could work miracles in our lives, but I don't even like him anymore. Please, please pray for me to be able to do what is right for myself and my children, to find God's will in this and to have the strength to follow through.

Jcsellors, You don't have to give up your dream. You have hope, there is light in your life because you have Jesus in your heart. God loves you so much and He wants your marriage to be harmonious and loving. The <B>only</B> way it will ever be that way is if Christ is at the center of your marriage. Give it to Him.<P>If you have not read the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian, please get a copy just as soon as you can and read it. It can be read in just a couple evenings as it is easy reading and very profound. If money is tight, send me a message at jlsr100199@yahoo.com and I will get you one. I'm serious this book will change your life and your marriage. <P>Some one has to take that first step towards harmony in the home, so why not take that step now by asking Jesus to show you what to do to save your marriage. You do not have to be miserable in your marriage. Let go of the anger and bitterness first by asking the Lord to fill you to overflowing with His forgiveness, peace and love. Let Him be the "fixer". That is what He does best. I will be praying for you.<P>Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for Jcsellors desire to save her marriage. Lord I praise You for all the work You are doing in her life right now. Father, please open her heart and fill her with the love she needs for her husband, likewise please open her husband's heart and fill him with love and desire for his wife, and for You. Help them dear Lord to put You first in everything, especially their marriage. Turn their marriage down the path of harmony and restoration. Heavenly Father please pour out Your Holy Spirit upon them. Thank You Father for your insight and wisdom. I praise You for the blessings Jcsellors is about to receive. Lord You deserve all praise and glory! Thank You Lord for this miracle!!! In the name of our precious Savior, Jesus Christ, AMEN

Thank you for your response and your prayers, unfortunately I think it's way too late. That night after I posted this I went to bed and prayed to God to show me his will and help me to make the right decisions. The next day while playing with my son I found drugs my husband had stashed in our bedroom. It wasn't the first time I've found drugs, but it had been a long time and I hoped it would never happen again. I have to put my children and their safety first, because he doesn't, and allowing him to live in this house with us is not helping them. I have already taken steps to file for a legal separation, although he has no idea yet what is about to happen. I hope you will continue to pray for us; our marriage is definitely in the Lord's hands now, because it would take divine intervention to save it at this point. Thanks again.