My wife and I are now seperated after being together for 20 years. Most of the blame can be laid at my feet for not making this marriage work. But when she finally told me we had one last chance, I thought it was a real chance. Now it seems she had already decided to leave me. My attempts to understand why she felt as she does and to explain why I was behaving as I had seem to have pushed her even farther away. I hope that the efforts I am currently making to shed my old ways can one day allow her to risk another attempt on saving our marriage. Please pray for the reconsilation Of Sue and Rick and for the three children we have. May we once again be a family, together.

RicZ,<P>I don't know your situation, but I feel terrible for you as I too have become recently separated. I can't offer advice on how you can help your children, as I don't have any.<P>Just think about what I will say, and then weigh it with the other posts in the forum and try and come to some conclusions.<P>Seeing as you are asking for a prayer, you must be somewhat religious, although we all ask God for help in times of crisis.<P>I have learned, in my situation, that things do happen for a reason. I have always wanted to change things about myself, and it took some tough love from above to finally do it. You will find great comfort in letting the Lord have control of your life and believing in faith. It's sometimes hard to understand how a loving God would allow things like this to happen, but again, it's all for a reason. With His help, you will be able to reflect on what you need to change in yourself, as that's the only thing that you can change in life. You can only accept the past, it cannot be changed, and live for right now as you cannot predict the future. God did not create divorce, man did. He wants nothing more than to put your marriage back together. You cannot pray for Him to bring your wife back, He will not take away someone's choice in life. I made the mistake of praying to have my old life back, then I realized that my old life got me to this point, so why would I want it back?<P>I would go to the library and find any books that you can on marriage and relationships and educate yourself as much as possible. You will begin to realize, unless you already have, what went wrong in your marriage. Try to find anything by Dr. Gary Chapman, I've found his books to be very informative and easy to read.<P>Don't blame yourself for this, it may not be a 50/50 split, but both spouses are usually to blame, to some extent.<P>I feel that I made the mistake of pressuring her immediately after she left, and feel that in that regard I wast 6-7 weeks of our separation.<P>You might try these links: <A HREF="http://www.ratedg.com/chapman/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ratedg.com/chapman/</A> <A HREF="http://www.victorious.org/unprayer.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.victorious.org/unprayer.htm</A> <P><BR>No matter how awful you feel right now, it will get better with time.<BR>God Bless and good luck.<P>

Father God, you are the true physician, the one healer of all healers. We lay this marriage before you Father, knowing that you have instituted this covenant for all time. Fahter give this man wisdom in how to love his wife as she needs to be loved. Let him discover her in a new way and delight in her as she has desired for many years. Let him seek your face and Your word to learn how to love her in an undestanding way. Be glorified in the recovery of this marriage Father, IJN, Amen.

Thank you for this prayer, I will keep this close to my heart always.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SueB:<BR><B>Father God, you are the true physician, the one healer of all healers. We lay this marriage before you Father, knowing that you have instituted this covenant for all time. Fahter give this man wisdom in how to love his wife as she needs to be loved. Let him discover her in a new way and delight in her as she has desired for many years. Let him seek your face and Your word to learn how to love her in an undestanding way. Be glorified in the recovery of this marriage Father, IJN, Amen.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I was always concerned that my prayers for what I wanted were selfish and could never be answered. The pages you sent me were exactly what I needed to understand were I was going wrong. As always God has sent me the answer, thank you for being the voice.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Still Praying:<BR><B>RicZ,<P>I don't know your situation, but I feel terrible for you as I too have become recently separated. I can't offer advice on how you can help your children, as I don't have any.<P>Just think about what I will say, and then weigh it with the other posts in the forum and try and come to some conclusions.<P>Seeing as you are asking for a prayer, you must be somewhat religious, although we all ask God for help in times of crisis.<P>I have learned, in my situation, that things do happen for a reason. I have always wanted to change things about myself, and it took some tough love from above to finally do it. You will find great comfort in letting the Lord have control of your life and believing in faith. It's sometimes hard to understand how a loving God would allow things like this to happen, but again, it's all for a reason. With His help, you will be able to reflect on what you need to change in yourself, as that's the only thing that you can change in life. You can only accept the past, it cannot be changed, and live for right now as you cannot predict the future. God did not create divorce, man did. He wants nothing more than to put your marriage back together. You cannot pray for Him to bring your wife back, He will not take away someone's choice in life. I made the mistake of praying to have my old life back, then I realized that my old life got me to this point, so why would I want it back?<P>I would go to the library and find any books that you can on marriage and relationships and educate yourself as much as possible. You will begin to realize, unless you already have, what went wrong in your marriage. Try to find anything by Dr. Gary Chapman, I've found his books to be very informative and easy to read.<P>Don't blame yourself for this, it may not be a 50/50 split, but both spouses are usually to blame, to some extent.<P>I feel that I made the mistake of pressuring her immediately after she left, and feel that in that regard I wast 6-7 weeks of our separation.<P>You might try these links: <A HREF="http://www.ratedg.com/chapman/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.ratedg.com/chapman/</A> <A HREF="http://www.victorious.org/unprayer.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.victorious.org/unprayer.htm</A> <P><BR>No matter how awful you feel right now, it will get better with time.<BR>God Bless and good luck.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I will keep you in my prayers

You're very welcome.<BR>I never thought of it that way, but thinking of it the way you stated it, brought me to tears.<P>I feel blessed to have Him in my life, helping to sort out the problems of my marriage and of myself.<P>God Bless and take care.

Thank you, all of you are in mine today.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tigger:<BR><B>I will keep you in my prayers</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

RicZ,<BR>I'm praying for you that you will have the eyes to see what you must change and the strength to change it, for the better.<BR>I know it is hard right now but try to do what you can to make yourself better and she will see. If she said there is a chance then there is one, it just may take time.

My prayers are with you. You will change what needs to be changed if need be. God will see to it.

Thank you all, you have no idea how much my spirits have been lifted in the past few days. I know my wife had some doubts recently, her sister's wedding vows were hard for both of us to listen to. She again seems to have entered a 'determined' stage after the difficult time it gave her, but I know now that God is in her heart and she is thinking of our situation. I still will make mistakes, but my resolve to work on me, God willing, has given me a renewed hope in my salvation. Again thank you all and please keep praying with me for us.

Hows it going?

To Tigger and all the rest.<BR>I am daily making efforts to move spiritually closer to the Lord. My time for reflection and prayer has been an amazing source of strength and calmness. I truly am not alone at these times. <P>My oldest is moving out to live with me this weekend. This had been long agreed to, but somehow she must have felt it would be much later and is now causing some concern for her. He says this is something he believes he needs to do. I know she must accept this as this is her reason for my having to leave.<BR>Not always easy when it's on the other foot.<BR>I searched long and hard in my soul to be sure that I wasn't allowing my emotions to rule, (I am lonely, and want to be with my family) and I know that is a part. But he has grown somewhat sullen and bitter. We may be no better together, but at least we will have tried and he may also achieve some clarity through the effort. He and his sister have some issues, I don't think it is anymore than teenage grumpyness and the fact they are so different in outlook. My wife had originally felt time apart would make them appreciate each other again. This I will pray for constantly as I dread this fracture of the family.<BR>I am dealing well with the anxieties that for so long had plagued my thoughts and made it difficult for her to put up with the strain of a marriage she had doubts about.<BR>I have given myself many challenges for the next while and have counseling and support groups to assist me in understanding the purpose of this journey.<BR>As streesed as I am, and with all else going on in my whole family, today I can say that I know I am on my way to being well. I will keep the faith, please keep me in your prayers as you are in mine. Thank you all

It sounds as if you are taking steps in the right direction. My prayers are with you.

I hope this will help. One book I recently began reading, purchased long ago by my wife though she had not read it, called "Trust" by Ira Tanner.<BR>The growth and understanding, like you are going through, became more "organized" for me. As I attempted, just before she left, to look within myself to figure out the "why" of my behavior, it seemed to threaten my wife...that I would find change easy to do. She, too, didn't like that I could see and share this even though it was mainly just criticism of myself for choosing incorrect responses.<BR>You should be surprised and lifted up when you are able to accept your part. It is a great feeling!<P>If you haven't looked, check into Plan A, and realize the prayers here ARE for your family.<BR>RRunRR<BR><P>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.<P>Never take trust for granted.

It has been a while since I have come back to my own post. So many of us are here together seeking councel and prayer. I usually look at the other posts. But for those of you who have been there for me I thought an update was in order.<P>I made my commitment to be better late in August, but I stumbled since then. I confessed to my W. because I felt she had given me trust and I had not fullfilled my part of the bargain. <BR>Apparently she was expecting me to anyway, so as yet I haven't re-earned her trust.<BR>I still want to rebuild the myself into the best man I can possibly be, so I have not given up on myself. <BR>My son and I are together, but we will not have a place of our own until january, so for now we are guests of my parents. This has proven to be a source of frustration for me, and an opportunity to work on myself as well. So many lessons to learn. <BR>Prayer has helped to bring me peace when I'm at my lowest, Also I must work on the depression that has been a part of me for so long. But I do know there will be a day when I will not resent myself anymore.

I am praying for you, sounds like God is doing alot of the same stuff in your life as he is in mine. Isn't is great! Just sorry it has to be something like this to make us pay attention to God's will for us instead of our own will. I pray God's peace for you and your family.<P>With God's Love, A sister in Christ,<P>------------------<BR>Scared and lonely

I've not been posting very much, mostly reading and praying. But Now it time for an update. No news as far my W. and I. I have not had much opportunity to speak with her at lenght and we do not discuss us at all.<BR>The Kids are doing Ok, but it is obvious to everyone that there is a strain, and it saddens me so much that they have to go through this. The more new people I meet the more seperated people I get to know. I'm starting to think it must be coming through the water taps, there are so many unhappy marriages around me at the moment. I'm finding it hard to be social and the reminders are as bad as the lonelyness.<BR>Long time friends have become noticably absent from my contacts, and causual friends I never thought of as being close are sending me support and encouragement. It is so confusing, don't know who I can turn to.<BR>Have had at least one person stop picking up my calls and hasn't bothered to return any messages since august. I've been told this will happen as some cannot deal with me in my 'new' state. <BR>I'm lending support to three others who are going through this process at the same time as me. It helped to have someone to listen to me so I do this for them and I know we all need this, but it keeps wounds so open for me that I feel saddness almost all the time. Not healthy.<BR>Even the support groups I have joined are about us discussing the sad feelings and the hurts, To sit with a stranger and cry, well I do not have the words......<P>As I'm way to emotional to continue here I will sign off, Thank you to all those who have prayed for me in the past, My thoughts are with all of you each day, God Bless.

RicZ, just to let you know that the loneliness and sad feelings have been my experience too. I don't really have a support group, but have found the support and encouragement from my church friends. I have one (same sex) friend who has been a great crutch for me, she tells me to quit dwelling on the things I cannot change and work on changing the things I can. Mainly, I continue to work on my relationship with God and that has given me a peace and I think a grace that I did not have before. I too am concerned for my children. I try to be honest with them and guide them to the scriptures as well. I will pray for you and I will also pray for your family. I appreciate your pain and applaud your efforts. With God you CAN do anything, just rely on Him. IJN L

I too am glad to have rediscoverd the Lord in my life. Too long I had been on my own road , now on this detour I have been shown somethings I was missing. Last night I searched the web for Sants and Angels, Prayer and anything else I could think of.<BR>Faith strengthens me and will remake me whole, thank you for your post, God Bless