Tonight as my husband was headed to a meeting he called on his car phone and said that he had gotten another letter. This one said that "they see us sneaking around and also saw us going to lunch together" (not true). It said OM had lost his family (not true - he moved back home and is working on his marriage)and hoped my husband did not lose his. It said "we are disappointed in both of them". <P>I have had about all I can take. Someone already sent him one letter to inform him, why would they think it was necessary to keep on? Why would they send another one? Do they only want to cause me pain? This person could not be trying to do us a favor. <P>The worst part of all is that this time at my husband's office, someone opened the letter and must have realized what it was and taped it back up. I guess now I cannot hold my head up. I am sure the rumors are flying. I cannot quit crying.<P>My husband and I had begun to make progress until this past weekend. It was opening day of deer hunting season and he hunted constantly and was tired. He made the remark that it didn't seem like I wanted to spend time with him. I guess we got in a disagreement over that but I hoped we could put it behind us. Now this!!!! And because of the weekend I am sure, he says that the letters do cause him to wonder what the truth is.<P>I told him I was going to copy my Time and Attendance report at work because I do not go to lunch. He could see that I don't clock out. I am part time and I just leave work around 2:00. A girlfriend said that I should not have to do that, that if he does not believe me that is his problem. <P>When will all of this end? I can't take anymore. I cannot hold my head up. <P><p>[This message has been edited by Susan (edited November 23, 1999).]

Susan,<P>Yes, you are right, the person who is sending these letters is NOT helping. Please don't give up. You guys are trying so hard right now. If your H needs the reassurances, please don't begrudge them. Trust, like love, takes time to rebuild. Please don't let the thoughtless actions of some ANONYMOUS fool set you guys back!! There has been enough hurt for both of you.<P>Hoping you will feel better soon...<P>Roll Me Away

Susan,<BR> Don't listen to your girlfriend. Do whatever you have to do to show your H that he can trust you. What will mean more than the actual proof is the fact that you <B>willingly</B> let him know where you are and what you're doing.<P> That said, whoever is sending those letters is really trying to stir up trouble. Could there be someone who would like to move in on your H and is using the situation in hopes that he will become vulnerable to her?

Sweetpea,<P>Boy, I said the exact same thing to Susan when she told me! I agree that that could be a reason. I mean, who else has something to gain??<P>This kind of thing is so hateful, so incideous and awful... <P>Susan, <P>You know where I am... anytime... take care and let us know how things go when you talk to your H...<P>Praying for you and sending soothing and peaceful vibes to your house tonight!!<P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

Thanks for the replies. I just keep thinking it is either someone that is friends with OM and wants to see me suffer or someone that hates me. <P>I also think it could be someone that wants me to quit at work.<P>And then I also just don't know what to think anymore......what could be the motive??

Susan --<P>What about the OM's wife? Do you think that might be her way of protecting her interests? Maybe it's he way of getting you to either quit, or have your H put more pressure on you.<P>Remember the closure letter from way back? Last I recall, you had not told him about sending one to the OM. Is it time to include your H on this? It might help re-enforce your willingness to rebuild the marriage and regain his trust.<P>Remember... Chin up! <P>--keystone

Keystone -<P>Thanks. I am having a hard time holding my chin up.<P>I wondered about OM wife, but my thinking was that she would not want to take a chance on upsetting my marriage. If things did not work out, I would think she would be afraid I may show up back in the picture or try and contact her husband. Remember she is taking a chance that my husband could tell me to hit the road. What do you think?<P>Yes, husband and I will have a talk as soon as he gets home I am sure. <p>[This message has been edited by Susan (edited November 23, 1999).]

I think it's the OM's wife.<P>Remember, not everybody is familiar with Harley's principals. WE know about LB"s and the like -- SHE may not. Plus, we all know that sometimes our emotions overcome our psyche and we do stuff we'd never imagine. Like having an affair!<P>Do you know when she may have found out about the affair? If these wounds are fresh, then it's got to be her.<P>Re:the closure letter -- It such a clear message to your H that you intend to make him the focus and cut your ties to the OM. Remember in past threads we talked about sending that clear signal. About demonstrating something that showed him that your wanted to rebuild. As a betrayed H, I keep hoping that I'll get that same signal. It's SOOOOOO important to send that message loud and clear to your H. And, he must feel comfortable coming to you -- in a non-combative way -- to talk about it.<P>--keystone

Susan,<P>I haven't seen you post in awhile and then this. There are several possibilities. One is that some one in your office who strongly disapproves of affairs may be doing this. It could be someone who is interested in H, but somehow it does not seem likely. Finally, as also suggested it could be W of OM.<P>May I make several suggestions, First it seems to me it is time to make lemonade out the lemons. Second, you could check up on W of OM via you H.<P>Let me explain the first comment. You H will be very disturbed by this letter and it sounds like it is not the first. Sit down with him and have a heart to heart about what you can do to prove to him the letters are false. In some ways this provides you an opportunity to build trust with H faster than is usually the case. You made valid point about you time card. Keep records of where and when you go places. Offer you H access and use them if another letter shows up. Talk with H about how to set this up to his liking. Use POJA to do this.<P>With regard to OM and his W, does she know about the affair? If so perhaps H could contact one or both and ask if they have received such letters. If OM's W has and he can prove that he was not where the letters are claiming you were it solves both problems and may also give your H some confidence that you would even let him contact them.<P>I know these ideas seem a bit strange, but if these won't do then come up with something along these lines. THIS AN OPPORTUNITY not a CALAMITY. Make good use of it. Who ever is sending these letters could be doing you and your H a hugh favor, if think about it.<P>Got to go back to work.<P>God Bless You and Your Family

I really think it could be wife of OM but do any of you think she would take the chance on harming my marriage? Seems like any damage done to mine could do damage to hers too. She is very intelligent and has a very important job making even more $$$ than OM. Would she be too stupid to realize this?

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 01:06 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

New_beginning, <P>You know what I found to be the kind of thing that you describe as "so hateful, so incideous and awful?... .........my wife's affair! I can certainly see how the pain of being betrayed could drive most any betrayed spouse to go to extremes and do and say things they never would do or say if they were in their right mind. IMHO infidelity brings on such terrible pain for all those involved that people want to strike back somehow and get their pound of flesh. And infidelity creates enough hate that they will strike back at whoever they can, however they can and whenever they can. It is extremely difficult to turn the other cheek and just 'suck up' the betrayal and breach of the marriage covenant.

Never Again,<P>Do you know me, or my story? I am the first one to understand, have been on both sides of the fence, and have a deep understanding of the pain it causes.<P>I never said to turn the other cheek, and would never say that - ever! What I do say is that months after the affair is over, when everyone is trying desperately to heal, to have these things happen is horrifying and hurtful. <P>We're all hurting here... <P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

Susan,<P>Did you ever say what happened when you talked to your hubby last night??? I want to know!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

I don't really know how it went when I talked with my husband last night. I guess it just stirs it all up again. It is the step backwards after you make a few steps forward. He says it causes him to have doubts, and rightfully so, I don't blame him.<BR>One thing for sure, it does not help us. I told him that I would copy my time report and bring to him today (which I have, he is not home yet). I said that I didn't know what else I could do, and did he have any ideas. We also got off on the subject of our problems, and sometimes we blame the affair, but then we have to stop and realize the affair is because of the problems. He said "that it was just some of the same old stuff again". I did tell him that we had a decision to make, and that was if we wanted to let their evil doings kill us or if we wanted to continue trying to overcome it. I asked him if he had had enough and was ready to just give up. He wants to keep trying, but I can tell that he is "down" by the whole situation.<P>I cannot for the life of me see what anyone had to gain from all this.