I need a prayer to take the anger and revenge out of my heart, my h is leaving me as soon as i find employment, unemployment ran out in sept. been out of work but in school since jan., he was out of work for 5mo year before last and i did nothing to shame him like this. he just got a great job that has gone to his head, and feels that he will be able to achieve more w/o me, he has moved down the hall and threatens to take my only form of transportation by next mo., i have to get the loan out of his name in order to keep it, we have no public trans. where we are (truly rural). i don’t know how i should feel, because he put me out when i was 4mo pregnant 6 years ago, because he didn’t like my attitude, i was asking him to make me something to eat for breakfast since he didn’t have to get ready for work, i lost it after 2 days when he did nothing to help me, because i knew that i would be helping him if the shoes changed. when i left i did a lot of damage then, he was unemployed at the time and we were at his mothers. and speaking of mothers i feel that she is behind it all, she left his dad with no explanation and now i’m realizing that she wants to be there for her sons now, she has 2 more in practically the same situation, disrespecting their mates and trying to control them, but she can’t tell them how to face situations only to run from them like she did.<P>i have already thrown out his pornos, and i want to hurt him when he goes this time, but i know it’s not right, but it felt good the first time i did it. i just started reading my Bible and know that feeling this way is not right, but i can’t help it. i have faced his mental abuse for at least 8 years, we’ve gone to counseling, and all he says is that i need it more than he does, that i am the one with issues and tells the counselor that all they do is try to tell them “him” how to think, he doesn’t see that he needs to change also. <P>I’m not good at finding the words i need to pray please help me find them,<P>thank you<P>
