Well Sorry I have not written in a while, everything was going okay thing it crashed. H is back to OW so I have once again distanced myself. H is 1800 behind in child support. What gives them the right to be behind on support and still have visitation rights, maybe if it was no pay no son I would get my money. Its not the issue of the money either, D and I have my folks and H folks who are very willing to help us, Thank God he gave us them. H forgot to shut off cell phone and I over heard a conversation about how he needs to come and bet the H-ll out of me. Why its beyond me. Exept H is mad because I will not just roll over and play died. He has caused me to loose my position at work because he will not leave me alone. Even when i just hang up on him. He told me he was happy because of this. He once agin is full of anger. When he is this way I do not want S around him. Well it been real hard the last 2 weeks here so your prayers are greatly needed.<P>Thanks Michelle

Michelle;<BR>I will certainly be praying for you. I know how you feel. I lost my job yesterday because of my own difficulties dealing with everything. I needed money, so I took a second full time job which started Wednesday night. I got off work at 6:00 a.m. and came home, planning to make coffee, sit and watch the news until time to get ready, and then go to my regular day job. Well when I sat down, I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 10:00 a.m. I had already gotten reprimanded for being late because I had been taking medication for my depression, that really knocked me out. I stopped taking them and saved my job, but I was given the warning that if I were late again, I would be fired. I got the termination letter in the mail today (Friday). I have also lost my car and house insurance. And in Kentucky when you lose your car insurance, the state suspends your drivers license. I can't drive to my other job, unless I am really really carefull not to have a wreck, or get pulled over for speeding. If I do, I go to jail for driving on a suspended license, AND a 500.00 fine for not having car insurance. But I HAVE to work, and I managed to keep the 3rd shift job for now. But I don't know anyone I can ride with, so I HAVE to drive. I am trying to get insurance as I type, just waiting on the phone to ring with the quotes I have asked for. I'm still about to lose my house and my wife is still not talking to me at all. I know GOD doesn't forsake anyone or leave them alone, but I can't help feeling like HE doesn't WANT to help me. That HE HAS left me to fall into nothingness. It is hard to have faith and believe HE will help me through when it seems like the more I pray, the worse things become. I truly hope GOD changes your husband and brings him back to his family where he belongs, just as I Plead with GOD daily to help me find the ways I must go to return to my family as well. I praise HIM as much as my improperly operating brain will let me, but it is so difficult to be thankful for failure.<BR>I pray GOD's Blessings on you, your life, and your family and you will stay in my prayers.<BR>GOD Bless you.<BR>Lone_Knight<BR>Jim<BR>

Hi Jom Glad to here from you. It is so hard sometimes. Part of me wants H back so bad, But God also tells me that I can not have him back the way he is. There is times that Iam really scared of him and I have never felt that way before. I can not believe that that man he is now is the same one that cried big tears when our son was born a little over a year ago. So much has changed. I think the reason he is so mad is because he cant control me. The only thing that he can control is giving me money for S which is court ordered and his visitation rights. He can control me that way. I pray for me every day, I even have had dreams that we are back together, but I can not let that control me either. I have to protect myself and S. Jim I wish you the best of luck and please know my prayers are with you always. What kind of person says he is glad that I lost my job one SICK person<P>Thanks so much Michelle

I know just what you mean. E-mail me sometime. kd4orz@spis.net we can type there too if you wish. take care.<BR>Jim

Hello Tigger and Lone_knight, just wanted to let you know my prayers are with both of you.<BR>

My prayers are with you as well. Don't forsake God, he can and will heal all wounds. It's just hard to see through the tears, but whatever happens it is his will. He will makes us stronger people through all of this. <BR>