Hi,<BR>I'm new to this forum, but I really need some outside input. I'm 28 years old and I've been married to my husband for almost four years. We lived together for a little over a year prior to our wedding and were together as a couple a year prior to that.<P>My problem is this: I know that I love my husband, but I don't know if I'm "in love" with him. I don't have those "gushy" feelings you hear so much about, and right now, I can't remember ever having them. I'm afraid that I'm married to someone I'm not in love with which has always been one of my greatest fears.<P>On the plus side, my husband and I are best friends. I want to spend all my time with him. I never get tired of being around him. He makes me laugh and is the primary source of joy in my life. I tell him everything (including my recent struggle). I want him by my side when we get around to buying a house, and I want him to be the father of my children. I believe I can lose everyone in my life and as long as I have him, I'll be okay.<P>I will say, too, that I love to cuddle with him and there are times when I feel a swelling of love for him and just have to throw my arms around him. I just don't feel it all the time.<P>I can honestly say I adore my husband, but do I love him? Am I "in love" with him? The absence of feelings is really scaring me. Are my husband and I just friends?<P>I should mention that I have been having these fears since Thanksgiving. I had this problem once before around our first anniversary and after going to counseling, I was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-depressent medication. After awhile, the fears of not loving him went away, but I never felt "in love" feelings for him. I just felt that I loved him. I think that I'm depressed again, and it may be the cause but I'm not sure.<P>Another contributing factor to this is my parents. My mom married my father without loving him. They were married for 30 miserable years before divorcing a couple of years ago. I have always known this since she couldn't stand to be in the same room with him or talk to him or spend time with him. The other day she said she felt I may have made the same mistake after I shared my fears with her. She spent my childhood as an alcoholic because of her misery. Part of me thinks my fears about loving my husband stem from this, but I'm so confused right now that I don't know anything for sure.<P>I'm sorry that this is so long, but I already feel a bit better for having written it. <P>Please, those of you with experience in this area, please offer some advice. Am I "in love" with him or not?<P>I posted this on another thread, but I think it would be better here. My faith in God is what is getting me through right now because I believe that he wants this marriage to work. I know that a divorce is not what he wants. Please pray for me and any advice right now would also be appreciated.<P>Thanks.<P>

Most would consider themselves lucky to have what you have described. You may want to step back and evaluate your situation. A husband that is a best friend, complete comfort, security, love. All your missing is Gushy? You will be hard pressed to find a couple that stays gushy forever. With time gushy gets replaced with stability and familiarity. To most this is very satifying. We use those special occasions, anniversaries, birthdays, valentines, etc to spark gushy every once in a while to keep the flame burning.<P>Your flame is not out, it merely needs fanning. A special occasion should do the trick. What do you know, valentines day is approaching. Drop a few hints, perhaps he's a really good guy and doesn't need any, but it won't hurt.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>I'll say a prayer for you. Count your blessings <P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

Dear FS,<P>I don't post much, but I had a need to respond to you. First, like Paul said, consider yourself LUCKY :-) to have so many ++s on your side. Your relationship sounds just fine. I can see where you would be scared bec of your mom's experience, BUT you aren't her, and your H is not your dad. You enjoy eachother's company, etc. etc. your parents apparently didn't. <P>My H lost that "in-love" feeling last Oct. 1999, he though it was all over, he "Loved" me though, Low and behold, in March '00 after lots of learning and growing on my side and a little on his, he found that "in-love" feeling again I don't know if he eve really lost it, we just didn't remember how to communicate and made things worse.<P>We are happier now than ever, BUT marriage (8 yrs married 2 living together) is about work, trust and giving. It isn't just "gushy". Especially not when you have children. BUT the gushy is sometimes there, just not every minute of the day. We LOVE each other, which is so important, and yes, we are in love (now)...<P>If you read some of the Harely books, His Need Her Needs, and many others, it tells you that in love isn't something that lasts forever, it can't simply because its euphoric (?), you would be like a teenager in love all the time and unable to think straight... So that is a feeling that comes and goes, while LOVE is a true feeling...think about it, it makes sense.<P>Good luck to you and enjoy your marriage, don't worry about your parents - what happened to them won't necessarily happen to you. <P>My God bless you and your husband - I will keep you in my prayers.<BR>Pookie~ (10 months of "real" happiness now)

Hi FS. I would have to agree with paul and Pookie. Nobody stays "in love " forever. Thats a fantasy that im sure has caused many divorces. From my stand point your very blessed. After 7 years being married to my wife(seperated now for 3 years) i can honestly say me and my wife are falling in love with each other again. Ive been thru hell and would of rather of not gone thru what we have been thru(long story) to fall in love again. It still seems like we have a long ways to go before we get back together under the same roof, but im still holdin onto my hope and faith in the Lord to see this thru. I suggest you read Phillipians 4:12-13. I envy you, count your blessings. Mark