Just when I thought everything was finally starting to come together for us, this has to happen . . .<P>What is "this" you ask? Just everything falling down around us that's all. . .<P>A couple weeks ago or so, I posted a thread about my D saying hurtful things. Then my W (hopeful1771) posts about feeling jealous of me. Then my W ends up getting fired from her job.<P>Well, as a result of her being fired, we are in deep doodoo. While my W was being fired, she specifically asked if the "final" check they gave her would in any way affect the paycheck she was due to receive in 5 days (direct deposit). She was told that NO, this would not affect her normal check. That it had already been processed, and would in fact be deposited as it should be.<P>Well, Saturday in the mail, we got our bank statement. The company allowed the direct deposit to take place, then turned around and cancelled the deposit. Guess what. . . We have checks outstanding that will not clear now.<P>Here's the problem with that. . .Our credit sucks badly. After all, our original break up was precipitated by my W not wanting to tell me that our finances were shot to hell (garnishments on pay and checking account, behind on every bill we had, etc.) well because of all this, when we opened this checking account, we were told that if we had so much as a single check bounce, they would immediately close the account.<P>hopeful has tried via both E-Mail and phone to contact the bank about this in an attempt to salvage things. We have not heard back from them. hopeful called HR from her "old" job to ask why they had played the games they did with her check. The response she got was that "she should have known they were going to do this."<P>We have talked about bankruptcy for a while now. We have known this was probably going to be necessary. But as it stands right now. . .We do not have a choice. We have been forced to go to my FIL to ask to borrow money to be able to file. He said that he would discuss it with us thursday when we are there for turkey.<P>hopeful is blaming all of this on herself. I have told her that it is not her fault. That she was blatantly lied to, and that this problem occured because she trusted the information the company gave, not because of something that she did.<P>IS THIS NORMAL???????? Just when things are finally starting to really settle down, when we think everything is going OK, the whole world falls apart.<P>Then . . . to make matters worse, I have wanted to E-Mail a couple of friends about this situation, and I haven't been able to get into my E-Mail account for the past two days.<P>Why can't something go right right for a change. Why do we always have to be kicked when we are down and vulnerable.<P>WHY WHY WHY<BR>

ES-<P>Been away for awhile but wanted to respond to you. <P>In my experience, I found that "when it rained, it poured" Partly due to the intensity of the already emotionally-charged situation and partly due to the rebuilding process. Seems like test after test, huh?<P>Our financial situation took a beating during his affairs also. Pre-affair financial mismanagement followed by affair irresponsibility left us with one huge MESS that took years to straighten out.<P>The good part is that it changed my perspective on financial matters. There is no way that we could afford for me to NOT work for almost three years if we had NOT gone through that "cleansing" of our financial affairs.<P>We also "cleaned" up some other things that needed attention. So, as a part of the rebuilding, it seems like we are sometimes forced to look at a number of things in our marriage/life that need attention. All these "extra" things seem to be a nuisance to deal with when so many other issues are at hand, but once you get through it and look back...you will feel good about having done it. <P>You two are cleaning up your house, in more ways than one. God uses the bad for good.<P>God Bless!<P>Enlightened

Hi ES and Hopeful,<P>Been there, lived that one too!<P>I could write pages about our finances, and yes, when it rains it pours. We have lost everything in a backruptcy from 2.5 yrs. ago, I even had to walk to work for almost a year because I had no car (it was repo'd)! We both were paid only once a month, so I routinely wrote a hot check during the last week of the month for food. (I worked part time for 7 yrs. because I had to be home for our disabled son. I didn't make too much money, but it helped a little.) Three yrs. ago, right before the BK, I wrote the usual check at Albertson's, but this time the store didn't give me the opportunity to pay it and instead turned me in to the District Attorney. Long story short, if I ever write another bad check, for any reason, I go to jail: do not pass go, do not collect $200.<P>Isn't it sad that so many of us have shared experiences, and they aren't good ones!<P>I feel for you guys... and I know the embarrassment of this type of thing. Please feel free to ask me questions or email me, if you'd rather... fortunately (or rather unfortunately), I think I might be able to help... ick, I know!!!<P>Hang in there...<P>~Sheryl<P><P>------------------<BR>Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you are among the stars!!

ES as you know my W and I are in a fix too. Really she is in one and now I am because I helped her.<P>Those Ben Franklins cant carry you to your grave. Be thankful for what you do have and all the other things will eventually iron them selves out.<P>Main thing is dont panic or let it start arguments between yall. keep cool and it will be alright.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

ES, Have you thought about going to a credit counseling service? You make an appointment with them and take all your bills, They will look at things and see if they can reduce your payments. You then pay them once a month with a money order or cashier check, they pay your bills. The credit really like this and will work with them in reducing your payment and interest. I know thaat is what I do in fact we started this a year ago when H left I went and talked to them and took the debts that were in my name only or my name first. If they can't help you they can give you information on bankruptcy. They usually charge a small fee like $5.00 but sometime they will waive this tell you doing better. THe one I go to is Consumer Credit Counseling Service. But you. You can look them up in the yellow pages onder credit counseling. I don't remember what sate you live in but the website for Okahoma is <A HREF="http://www.cccsok.com" TARGET=_blank>www.cccsok.com</A> Just make sure the one you go to is nonprofit.It is really worth it. And it looks good on your credit report. I think most of us have had financial problems either before or during and I guess afteer (I wouldn't know about that) But I know what you mean just when you think you see the light at the end of the tunnel along comes a mack truck to run you over. You have my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

ES,<BR>I have been there in terms of having checks promised when they weren't sent.<P>I know about the debt thing because it is a large source of our problems. W had her checks as a child taken by her mother. She felt the same way because we had gotten dependent on her bringing in money particularly when she went on her independent woman spree which caught me totally off gaurd.<P>It usually gets tougher when things start going well because Satan doesn't want you to succeed.<P>Hopeful,<BR>It is not your fault. These things happen. Now is the time to assess the situation and reguop to figure out what is the best plan of attack. We had gotten to the point where our bank which I now work for told us the same thing: if we bounced another check they would close our account. We are currently working with CCCS to get out of debt. God willing we will be done come July 2000 at the earliest or December 2000 at the worst then we will have a ton of money to spend because those credit card bills won't be hanging over our heads.<P>Hang in ther both of you. MONDO HUG!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Enlightened -- Thank you. You know, I never really thought that I/WE were the only ones going through financial problems as a result of all this. It just seems as though everything and everyone is out to get us sometimes. I know I'm just over reacting.<P>I guess I just needed to vent.<P>new_beginning -- You know, we have tried so hard to keep our heads above water in the last two years, then to have all this come up too. Sometimes I really wonder if we are ever going to get a break.<P>When I can finally get back into my E-Mail, I will probably write you and let you know how were doing.<P>By the way, I'm glad you're still here.<P>brownphd -- I could be wrong, but I think this is the first time you have actually been able to me advice for a change. THANK YOU. I don't think that hopeful and I have to worry about this causing arguements or anything like that. We have already learned that lesson, the hard way. I have gone out of my way to reassure hopeful that this is not her fault. The "original" financial problems were the fault of both of us. We have figured out, I think, how to prevent the past from reoccuring. Things like what has happened recently are just so overwhelming.<P>I don't mean to make light of what I am about to say, but for those people who are devasted in natural disasters, their problems come from an act of mother nature. Our current problems come from the deliberate misleading of another, in this case the HR representative.<P>SDS -- When every thing blew up in the first place, I litterally had to scamble to work with creditors in order to even have a roof over my head. I'm not exagerating when I say this either. When hopeful left me, I found out that we have been served with 5 different eviction notices. Bottom line is, I basically used up my "grace period" when hopeful left. Our creditors are no longer willing to "work with us." We either maintain the arrangements we have with them now, or else.<P>Just once I would like to find one of my creditors on the street being beaten to death by some street gang, just so that I can show them the compassion they have shown us.<P>I know . . . BAD Empty Shell.<P>We really don't have any other option available to us. Like I said before. Having to file bankruptcy doesn't really bother me so much. It's just the fact that we are being FORCED to do it NOW. And to add insult to injury, We are having to turn to my FIL for help. No one else in the family could even come close to helping us, even if they wanted to.<P><BR>My friends, I really want to thank you for allowing me to be able to vent about this. You have shown hopeful and I so much love and compassion. . .As I write this I am crying. It feels so good to know that there really are people out there who care. I wish that I could hug each and every one of you.<P>God Bless

professorg -- Thank you for your kind words. Especially to hopeful.<P>You know, just once, I really wish that Satan would just give up and admit when he has lost. Kicking you when your down really sucks.<P>God Bless

Hi ES (and you too, Hopeful) -<P>I am so sorry that all this garbage keeps dumping on you guys....UGH!!<P>I have no clue why it always seems to hit at once or one thing after another!<P>Maybe God is figuring on a whole new way of life for you two and D and this is a "cleansing" of the old stuff....<P>Maybe Hopeful will find a job that she loves and is destined for....<P>Maybe the bankruptcy is to get all the debt out of your lives and to enable you to start anew..... having no credit can be a good thing nowadays - it only gets us in trouble anyway and is a good way for people to track you (did you know that?)<P>Maybe without the burden of all the past debt - you two will actually have a big weight lifted off your backs.....<P>You are good people and God (nor any of us) wouldn't abandon good people!!!!<P>Hang in there you guys, life WILL get better - I promise!!!!<P>BIG HUGS, <P>Sheba<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited November 24, 1999).]

<BR>This "one thing after another" is exactly what's happened to me. Nearly had to file for bankruptcy this year, found out my wife was having an affair, etc. etc.<P>One thing after another, KABAM! KABAM! KABAM! But this is, I suspect, par for the course. It's actually an opportunity to clear out a whole $h1tload of negative karma in one swell foop.<P>

Hi Enlighented,<P>I have a couple of suggestions. IF you file for bancrupcy I really really suggest you file for Chapter 13 reorganiztaion. If you do this the intrest rates and the like are frozen so you are paying princple only. Another added benifit is it will not hurt you as much as Chapter 11.<P>Second if you want to go to credit counclor I suggest one that is free. Hence, non profit. They can work out a pay scale and even better intrest rate on credit cards.<P>Third, report her place of employment. They can in now way pay you and then take back the money which they owe your wife for work she has done. In NO way can they legially do this. Look into legal aid in your area. Talk to Lone Star he will know more because I am not a lawyer only taking business law.<P>Fourth if you like give me a ring on my email and I will forward you some links. onni54@hotmail.com<P>Really this is nothing. If you are being bothered by collection agencies you have a right to stop that as well. Hang in there this happens to everyone. Even Donald Trump had financial issues at one time.

ES. I just got back and check your thread. The deal with the credit counseling is that you don't have to deal with the creditors. Tthe counseling service will take care of it and your creditors like to deal with them better then with you. It really does help your credit record. Please check with them first before you file. They will tell you if you really need to file or if they can help you. It does help a lot. Please check it out first.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

SDS -- Thanks for the adve. Read my thread from yesterday for an update on how this weekend went.<P>God Bless

ES & Hopefull,<P>Let me throw a bit of religioun in here.<P>When life seems to be going just fine & you are not looking towards God, then Satan is working his magic. He doesn't have to trouble your life for you are already his. Now, when you start looking towards God (as you probably are) such as in renewing your marriage, then Satan gets really pissed off. He throws things at us to get us off balance and to take our focus off God. When we get right with God, then the bad things will not affect us and there will probably be less to deal with.<P>So resist Satan and turn your eyes & heart towards God & each other.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

ES...WE've talked about this situation before. If there is anything I can do e-mail me when you can and let me know.<P>R