Well I think I'm gonna tell her bye. not go to plan B, but just take agiant step back.<P>I'm not duing any thing for Thanks giving and she knows it. She keeps trying to get me to get both the kids around noon on thrus. I dont know why she is doing this. She says she has some other things to do.<P>She is probably going to OM house or somthing. hell I dont know, I do know I wont watch the kids for her to go out with him. <P>She has been taking the kids to her aunts house more and more on her weekends. this makes me mad.<P>So I'm gonna say my good byes and just step out of the pitcure for a while. THis is what she wants any way. I still havent turned in the D papers though. they are signed but not returned to her atty.<P>what do yall think<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Brownphd,<P>Bad move! You are not in the right frame of mind to making such a major discition. Just to to Plan B if you wish to break all contact. It is way too early in your journey to call it quits. <P>Take a few days to think this over. Hey, I'm only going to be stuck in an ambulance on T day. We will both survive.<P>Don't make the same mistake I did.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

DAMN. I know, but it is hard to sit and watch all this happen. she definetly show that she wont come back. At least not now she has even a newer man now. I dont know what is the rigjt thing any more.<P>She just keeps telling me that I will eventually find the one thats right for me. She says that she is not the one and I will see that some day.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

just let my husband go, I really couldn't stop him though. I have to now just take care of myself and my kids. This is really painful for me especially after I thought we were doing so good. Anyway when you had enough you will know.

hi brown, agree with medic, you are not in a good frame of mind right now to be making this kind of decision. Not even close. Just mho! <BR>I understand that it is soooo frustrating, it is so hard. Never knowing form one day to the next or one moment to the next what they are up to. She is not sure either...her line is too canned for that? I think some others here have heard that one before, like me! <BR>Go to plan b if you need to-save any remaining good feelings that you have. But I agree that it is too early to call it quits. Hang on a bit longer and see how you feel? Are you taking antidepressants? Have you thought about it? Maybe the wort or SAM-e would help? Spend some time with the kids, play with them and try to have some fun with them this weekend.

Brownphd,<P>You don't have to sit back and watch it happen. Take care of yourself. Look at your shortcomings and work on improving them. Take care of Brownphd. <P>Early on after discovery, I used to think about the affair every waking hour. I was driving myself nuts. There is nothing you can do to make her come out of Fantasyland.<P>I heard the same retorick from Val. Part of the denial stage that makes them feel less guilt for what they are doing. She used to tell me that I could find someone better. Yeah I will as soon as she comes out of the fog.<P>Hang tough Brother.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

brownphd -- Listen to Medic. You're not hink here, you're reacting to your W's attempts to get to you. Don't let her.<P>Relax a little.<P>God Bless

Thats why I'm stepping back, to relax.<BR>She sends the e-mails and then I send one back and she tells me to use those thought in futre relation ships. Common if she is doing it to get to me its working.<P>CL no i'm not on antideppresants I dont need them. I'm not so down I cant function just frustrated and feelings hurt,cause she acts like this is nothing to her.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

brownphd -- <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>she acts like this is nothing to her.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I think we need to put the emphasis here on the word <B>ACTS</B>.<P>She's trying to get you, and she's suceeding. Don't let her my friend.<P>God Bless

ES I have to laugh. cause tis sound so easy. I know that it is not. BELIEVE ME. today I asked for ideas for our sons party tomorrow(b-bay 4yrs)she says just get him what he wants. (rubber worms and lizards for fishing), her family and her are all getting him the stuff I wanted to get him, like his first fishing pole. I said I wanted to get this for him. she said my aunt already did. I said well then I will get him a tackle box. she said they got him that too. <P>Yall are right I'm not thinking right either caus I am MAD about this and the holidays. I was supposed to go with them to her familys, since my hunting trip was cancelled, now dhe says I can go over there to pick up the kids and then I need to leave. OK KICK ME AGAIN PLEASE. This is what I feel like she is doing.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P><p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 24, 1999).]

Brownphd -- First, when you hug your son tomorrow. . .give him an extra squeeze for me.<P>As for the rest of it. . .I won't kick you. You're kicking yourself enough. Besides, I don't think it would be right kicking you while your down (you read my post).<P>I hope that my thoughts and prayers are reaching you tonight.<P>God Bless

Hi Brownphd -<P>You know that I have folowed you pretty closely and care about you and your situation.....go back and read all your posts - look at how you have changed your thoughts to match hers, look at how your heart rate goes up when she gets you going somehow.....<P>Look at the advice that we have tried to give you....<P>You need to step back - you're absolutely right!!!! Stepping back does not mean saying "bye" - it means get her out of your every thought!!!!!<P>YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT WHAT SHE IS DOING AND/OR SAYING WAAAAAY TOO MUCH!!!!<P>You need to get your own emotions together and collect yourself.....you can't do that if you follow your wife's lead!!! She is mixed up and you are allowing it to mix you up just as badly.<P>Make a set schedule to see the kids, set a fair child support amount and that's IT!!!!!!<P>Plan A her when she contacts you and treats you fairly....that does not cover to babysit while she plays!!!! You don't have to be mean when declining - just matter of fact about it.<P>Stop the unnecessary approaches to her - give her some room. <P>Don't let her pull you into her craziness......you are supposed to be the stable and safe one - remember!!!<P>YOU HAVE to change your thought patterns because you are making your own life nuttier than it has to be.<P>Why did you sign the papers? You don't want this....... Hold on to them and don't do things as a reaction to her.<P>YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!<P>So, right now, TONIGHT - start thinking about what YOU can do to IMPROVE YOU and your LIFE !!!<P>BIG HUGS, STRENGTH and PRAYERS,<P>Sheba

You guys were posting as I was....<P>I am not KICKING you - I am giving you gentle love taps to the brain!!!!<P>YOU can do this and we will all help you!!!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

ES I had to make a chang on that last reply.<P>SHEBA, I know you have been following. You and ES have been alot of help. Thing about it is she wont feel weak. she wont let anybody know what going on. the point is if I step back i dont think she will come to me. she would be weak then and she wont be that away.<P>I have been improving, I think i have at least. <P>I'm supposed to go out with some friends this week end , and boy do I ever need to.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Hi Brownphd -<P>I understand that she has some stubborn pride...but has anything that you have said or done so far changed that? NO!!<P>In fact, it may just be allowing her to hold on to it - it's easy to act that way when you have a fall guy to place blame on in your own mind....<P>YOU are not going to break that stubbornness!!!! She has to learn that it is a bad way to be and she will only learn it by it coming back to kick her in her behind somehow....you can't spare her that - she needs it!!!!<P>I am glad that you have plans with friends....that's great!!! Make sure you stay away from those female "friends" now you hear!!!! LOL!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

hi brownphd,<P>I'm so sorry about your sons bday. How disappointing that you cant buy his first fishing rod. But, there must be something else a 4yo boy would like just as much. I dont know about your son, but my daughter lists reams of things that she would love whenever I ask her. There is not just the one thing. Think real hard, show him toystore catalogues, take him to the toystore, there WILL be something else that will impress just as much.<P>I agree that you are thinking and feeling way too much. I know its so hard not to, it consumed all my waking minutes - before I went to plan B. I know I've said this to you before, but I have a sense of peace now about the situation and I can thank plan b for that. I still dont like what is happening in my life, I hate what he is doing, however I cant control what he is doing. I have stopped trying. He now needs to choose his own path in life. He knows I'm here, if and when he decides to end his crazy insane ways. <BR>Your wife knows that you are there too. Let her go. - for the minute, or the month.<P>I'm trying so hard to not focus on Christmas, to not think things like "this is the first Christmas without him as my H" but instead I'm trying to think of ways to make it extra special for me and my girls.<BR>Extra treats, extra things that THEY, not I, would like to do. You will find that if you manage to put your pain aside, and give your all to your child, that you will forget about this situation, even if only for 10 minutes. The next time, it will be 20 minutes, then 30, etc etc etc<BR>The other day I laughed, because my children laughed. We all went to bed tired and happy from a wonderful afternoon outing. It was so great. I have stopped focussing so much on him, and started focussing on my children.<BR>Somehow, you will find the strength to focus on something else, other than your W and what she is doing, your son deserves that.<P>I found something today that might help you, in a religious book that I've had for ages but have just started reading again.The short version is<P>WHEN WE FEEL THE STRESS OF THE STORM<BR>WE LEARN THE STRENGTH OF THE ANCHOR<P>you need to be that anchor. You are that anchor.<P>Hang in there, you can do it. Take time for you, go out with your friends, but somehow forget about what she is doing for a while.<BR>Just a little while. You can do it. Do it.<P>Take care of you, and a big hug is heading your way<P>Jo