Sidney I am worried about you! Is everthing alright? What is happening? Has H come back? Please answer!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Sorry, guys, I didn't purposely go into hiding. It's just that I have been hanging on for dear life through more loops & turns. This is the first chance I have had to post since Sunday. Here's the status:<P>- H did, in fact return, Sunday night around 09:30 (he says). I was already fast asleep, & he slept on the couch.<P>- Monday morning, I got up to go to work. He sat down with me while I was having breakfast. He was giving me this soulful look, then stroked my cheek. I mustered up all the courage I had, and asked him if he had resolved the problem. He said, "I think so", & as he stared at me, he just himmed & hawed. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore, & I said "you're moving down there". He replied, "Yes". I asked, "When". He said, "First of next month". I said, "Why not now?" He replied, "I don't know." Then he said, "This wouldn't be so hard if I wasn't still emotionally attached to you." Then he started to cry. He lead me to the livingroom, had me sit on his lap, & we talked for awhile. He hugged me, & told me he loved me, that I was his best friend, then muttered something about always running away from his problems. We discussed his rotten childhood & the effect his mother had on him. By this time, I was so emotionally wrought that I called work & told them I wouldn't be in. He insisted that I go to work so "he could think", and then disuss the situation that evening. I just couldn't. He asked me to lay down with him as he said he hadn't slept well. He clung to me, as if for dear life. We slept about an hour, then got up. We talked a great deal that day, & I found out that he intended to rent an apartment, although he has no job. When I expressed concern about the financial viability, he said that he "just had to do something, as he couldn't keep hurting me". (I wanted to scream, "Why don't you leave OW", but I didn't.) He told me he had quit taking the anti-deps as they were preventing him from resolving the problem (like he was doing that during the four months before he started them!) I pointed out that he had all the classic signs of depression, including occasional comments about suicide. He agreed that he was depressed. I told him I thought he should see the doctor again. He agreed.<P>- I arranged for him to meet with the doctor on Tuesday afternoon. The doctor, who is in his late 60's is down to earth, crusty, & doesn't mince words, spent an hour talking with H. Among other things, he told him to "**** or get off the pot", & to get a job as he has way too much time on his hands. What a guy!! That evening, H voluntarily (for the first time in months) relayed everything he & the doctor had discussed that afternoon. We talked a great deal about the problems we had that lead up to the affair. H seemed to be more relaxed & at peace than I have seen him in months.<P>- Yesterday(Wednesday), I drove home from work with trepidation, half expecting to see that H had taken off again. He was still here. He told me he had again become depressed during the day, but was coming around. He was very self absorbed.<P>- Today (Thanksgiving Day), when we awoke I asked H to spend the day with me. He said he couldn't. I asked, "Why". He said because he had made a commitment. (I wanted to scream, "You also made a commitment 21 years ago!" but I didn't.) We sat and had coffee. I asked him to name 5 things he is thankful for. He said, "That you have your health". Then, he had a very difficult time naming four others. He asked me to name my 5 things. My first one was, "That I still have a husband". I explained that a lady that works for me just lost her husband two weeks ago to cancer. I had no difficulty naming four others which included the many friends I have made since this crisis hit us.<P>He hugged me, left around 08:30, and said he would be back tonight.<P>One other thing I told him when he again mentioned that he is a failure, has not lived up to his potential & has so many regrets for things he has done or not done in the past is:<P>One thing we need to remember is <P>"We are all writing our history, TODAY".<P>"Perhaps, if we considered their implications more, we would make our choices much more carefully. For once today is over, it is indelibly etched in our past. And in our final days on earth, it is our precious memories which will comfort us."<BR> Sidney, 1999<P>He was quite impressed with the validity of this thought. And, I amazed myself to be so profoundly philosophical so early in the morning!!<P>HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL MY FRIENDS!!

Sidney,<P>Hello. I don't think I have ever posted to you before. <P>I just got finished reading your post and it brought tears to my eyes. Matter of fact I am still fighting them back.<P>Your deep love and devotion show through with every word. <P>I am not very good with advise but, somehow I have a feeling that your husband is going to come back to you. He seems to be doing some deep soul searching or realizing?<P>What ever you have been doing seems to be the right thing. (I really am not remembering your previous posts, so I am not sure what that it?) Keep up the good work. <P>You have really touched me with my post and make me realize even more how blessed I am to have my husband home with me even though we aren't healed.<P>I will be thinking of you as I say grace before dinner at my sisters and for your husband.<P>I wish I could put into words how much you have touched me but, alas I haven't the skill.<P>Happy Thanksgiving to You!<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sidney}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Samantha-MI (edited November 25, 1999).]

Dear Sammy,<P>Now, I'm starting to cry. This is getting way too sappy! Thanks so much for your reply, and I will include you, & your H too, in my Thanksgiving prayer today.

Diana,<P>Happy Thanksgiving! Where is your H going today??<P>Sidney,<P>You have COURAGE and FORTITUDE! I loved your philosophy - very deep! Hope you have a good day despite this morning.<P>Roll Me Away

Sidney - I, too, think you're amazing. Have a good Thanksgiving.<P>Lori

RMA,<P>Thanks for the compliment! I must admit that some days I feel like I have a sign plastered on my back that says, "Kick Me". I know this situation cannot go on forever. But for now, I am really trying to exert some patience, which has never been one of my strong suits. Ever week that this drags on, feels like a year.<P>Lori,<P>I have never thought of myself as amazing, but thank you! I often have serious doubts that I am doing the right thing by trying to tolerate all of this. I think what is driving me right now, is that I have set a 'drop dead' date and if the situation isn't resolved by that time, then I will take action to take my life back. I pray that I will have the strength & courage to do so. <P>