Please pray for me and my husband. We have been married 20 years and have had a rough time for most of it. We went through "His Needs, Her Needs" and it literally saved our marriage! However, we are both really backsliding and I'm starting to get that "I can't stand you" feeling again. I know this is not how God wants me to be, but he can be such a jerk when he is not trying and I just have no desire to even be near him! Please pray for my attitude and him to be open minded. Thanks

Smileyface,<P>Marriage is hard. I hope no hope of having a good marriage until I realized Gods plan for women, men and maraige.MY husband is not home right now but, I know he will be home. I have seen many changes since I let God work in me and my marriage. The world had taught me all the wrong things about marriage. God spoke to me through this site <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org." TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org.</A> Please go there and read the testimonies.<BR>Most of the material is about God bring spouses home but there is alot to be learned about what God plans are for marriage. You both could learn so much about how God wants to bless your marriage. I will be praying for you. Please go to this site if you haven't been before. I have nothing to gain except helping one of Gods marriage survive. <P>Bless you and your marriage,<BR>gentle

It's very hard. I am tired too. Try to let go of anger if you can. I think frustration is what leads to anger. You feel like you have no control of the other person - they are just inconsiderate and selfish. <BR>Check if your responses to him driving you crazy are "Love Busters" and if you can't love him that much right now, at least avoid angering him or making him withdraw further. Don't try to pay him back although that is the greatest temptation (I have to fight it every minute I see him.) It's hard not to try to inflict pain or at least discomfort when you're hurt. This site and the Bible tell you not to but I know how hard it is. I'll pray for you.

Sorry it took me so long to get back. Thanks for the words of wisdom. Things are a little bit better. I guess it goes in stages. I hope things are going o.k. for you also. It is just so hard. I would never consider divorce because I just know it is not what God wants of us...but sometimes, man it is really hard to stay happy. I have to boys that are 14 and 10 and sometimes I feel like I live in a house with Way to much manhood in it!!!! haha I am trying to teach the boys not to treat women with disrespect but that too is hard. Did you go through "His Needs, Her Needs"? and if so, did it help? That really did help up alot. We have very good friends going through a divorce right now and that has helped keep us focused also. I will pray for you and your marriage also. Thanks again and hang in there. smileyface<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Tryingtohope:<BR><B>It's very hard. I am tired too. Try to let go of anger if you can. I think frustration is what leads to anger. You feel like you have no control of the other person - they are just inconsiderate and selfish. <BR>Check if your responses to him driving you crazy are "Love Busters" and if you can't love him that much right now, at least avoid angering him or making him withdraw further. Don't try to pay him back although that is the greatest temptation (I have to fight it every minute I see him.) It's hard not to try to inflict pain or at least discomfort when you're hurt. This site and the Bible tell you not to but I know how hard it is. I'll pray for you.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I just found your post so it took me a while to reply too!<P>Things are going slightly better but not well. He is out right now with the OW and called to say he's not coming home tonight so it hasn't been a great evening.<P>On the other hand, I have found a lot of peace through this forum and sharing the hardships. <P>My husband has no desire to reconcile with me although he lives here so I am just waiting and praying that things will change soon and that God will grant me the steadfastness to hang in there (I am very impulsive by nature.) I am trying to change and be calmer, less judgmental and above all to not get angry about anything. This has made our conversations more pleasant and I think it is setting us up for a better relationship in the future. But there are going to be a lot of ups and downs until then so I am trying to look ahead and not at the current circumstances. Mostly, I am worried about my daughter who is very sensitive and only 6. I want to protect her as much as possible - she is very vulnerable. I have to trust God to protect her through this.<P>It is really hard to make plans about anything as you can imagine - I have no idea what he is going to do and at any moment everything could change. I am doing my best to give this over to the Lord because it is clearly out of my control. So far, I feel like He has really lifted me up and allowed me to continue living but I can't expect Him to hold me forever when He has shown me how to walk... I feel like a three year-old who doesn't want to be put down - you know what I mean? It's so cozy in His arms.<P>I am glad to hear you're doing better. Remember that love is an action word. Don't worry too much about the feelings which are unstable. I think the needs analysis is really interesting and helpful in understanding each other. I think it also helps to have a common direction. I hope your husband shares your faith. I wish you all the best.