Hi, again. <P>Our C challenged me to rethink the A as more of a victimization by a sexual predator while owning that I opened the door for this abuse to take place and made poor choices.<P>I was abused in childhood and OM even resembles Abuser somewhat. I don't have the courage or energy on my own and feel so worried I would be making excuses if I accept this and yet I know it is very true. <P>It leaves me confused and sick to my stomach...afraid of the pent-up rage at OM and self for letting it happen as an adult when I've taught my kids never to submit to it.<P>I do have tons of support and an awesome H but seek your prayers, too. If anyone has some thoughts or direction, I need help to work this through. Thanks again.<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

Freshstart,<BR>You may have "opened a door" but don't ever let anyone tell you it's your fault that someone abused you. I pray that this C is not telling you that. Sure, own up to whatever it is that you felt you were missing that made you stray. Bad decisions, that's why most of us are even writing in here. Sure, admit to them and correct them. Victims are attracted to what is familiar to them. We all are. Well, you know all of this. Please don't accept anyone who tells you abuse was your fault. From the "former abuser" Ted ><>

Hi, Ted.<P>No, I didn't mean to imply that the counselor believes I invited abuse at all. In fact, that's why he wants me to accept that OM is a sexual predator.(To help me recognize and move past self-inflicted self-it's started but long way to go yet) OM told me during A (H just said OM used a gateway he recognized in my life) that he chose me the first Sunday in December 1999, "just knew I would come to him" and saw that I was vulnerable and took advantage...I didn't even get mad at him then for that..which only shows how blind and lost I was. He kept a distant friendship but we started to e-mail a lot and by May he became very friendly and then August moved in for the...? deal..kill?<P>I am beginning to accept it. It is so painful as to me I feel it means revisiting childhood abuse (outside of family) which I went for about 7 yrs counselling for previously! When will I ever be free from this oppression? I know it will be this time but because I have been fighting/sometimes suffering from the first abuse for 30 years (approx) I wonder if there is any hope for me. I thought I was all healed from that.<P>I am learning so much and my new church is awesome. The Lord is speaking to me in new ways so I know I will get better. The human part just keeps interfering! <P>I understand why everyone here says it takes at least the first year to heal.<P>I am so concerned for you, Ted. I hope I didn't offend you by my reply to your prayer request. H was wondering if your W had problems with independence and was concerned about having her own finances. I told him I thought it sounds more like she just wants the D for whatever reason. I will not pry but keep on praying. Just want you to know you are loved by God and many others and wish you a joyful, blessed Easter. <P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

Ted, sorry, I haven't figured out how to edit after sending post..that one line should have read self-inflicted guilt (not self-inflicted self!) maybe that'r right too! :rollingeyes:<P>

Again, I have just a minute right now, I have negleted all of you terribly but I am making a commitment to sitting down this weekend and posting to everyone here that I feel I might be able to help. Just one thing, from a 10 or so year sexual abuse survivor, let me tell you, you never get past it. You may forgive, you may learn to trust again, you may even learn to find the good in it (I firmly believe that the Lord picked me to survive something someone else could not have lived with. From this experience I have learned so many positive things, that I can truly say in my heart that I am blessed. God used this experience to make me sensitive to others needs. For this I am very grateful.)but the memory never leaves you and because of that it is a constant source for the devil. More later, just know you're in my thoughts.