well, this is it, I am holding on by a thread. I caught them in his car, dropping her off at work after hours, when she was supposed to be at a meeting that i found out was canceled. After our daughter fell asleep, we talked. She said she never remembered agreeing to never see him again when I found out last august that she had an affair with him, which is a bold face lie, since I was dumb enought to let her go to his house on d day because she said she could not break up a friedship over the phone that it should be done in person. I really ripped into her at this point, my emotions were flying she just continued to deny that we ever had an agreement about her seeing him, and then she clammed up and would not talk any more. At this point i want to get out, this is killing me. but i have committed to to the Lords will, and I will do what he wants me to do. I need prayers for me to get a clear picture from God of what I am to do next and not to do next, and pray that my wife will see the err of her ways and come back to Jesus. <P>

I am so sorry you had to see that. I will pray that she will see the wrong in her actions. Bless you and your family.

P & B,<BR>I'm sorry too. Well, quickly here, go to restorem.org/home/html. See if that will help. I will write back later. (and pray now) Ted ><>

I have been through your kind of Hell, and I'm very sorry, I <BR>feel for you.<BR>Father, Please send this man peace in the midst of this storm. Please give him wisdom and courage and God kind of love, for without you we can do nothing, Please Lord wrap your arms around this man and comfort him. We know you hate divorce, but on the other hand you donot make people do anything, please take the blinders off this women so she can see the pain she is causing and the pain she is causing herself and her family. I ask this in the name that is above any name the name of Jesus, amen. <BR>

P & B,<P>If you want to know God's will for your marriage please go to the site Ted suggested. The books are full of God's word and truth. I was very confused till I found the restore site. <P>You will never convict your wife of anything. That is God's job and no one elses. You will never win your wife back with anger. You will never change her with shame. We all have sinned and fell short of God's glory. I will pray for you and your wife to learn the truth about God's will for marriage.<P>From someone who has been there,<BR>gentle

thank you all for your prayers and concerns. We talked again last night and she refuses to eliminate her friendship with him, she will not get a new job, change offices, and will not stop having lunch with him. I am at a loss of what to do next. I thought I would never want a divorce, but it has been like this for years and I am wore out. I checked out that web site, what books have you read? thanks

i have read all the ladies books and have glued construction paper over the How God can and Will book so i can read it in bed when h is home. for me the tapes and videos are the best. when he is not around, it is like having Jesus right there fighting with me. scripture seems to be my best defense against defeat. it also builds up my faith. i have gotten into the idea of carrying around cards with scripture in my back pocket (my sword of truth).<P>i am sorry you had to see that. i will pray that the memory will go away and a bigger and better love will grow between you. please seek God and she will seek you.

P&B,<P>This is God's battle not yours. You must turn to Him to heal this marriage. Your are worn out because you cannot fight this battle. This is a spiritual battle. Order the How God can and Will Restore Your Marriage book for men. It is only $14 with shipping and you will have it in just a few days. Let God fight this battle and change you and your wife. You have nothing to lose by ordering the book and your mariage to gain, if you follow the principles in the book. It is all based on God's word and His will for marriage.<BR>I will pray for you to order the book. Let it begin with you. You must know God's truth about all this.<P>gentle

gentle, <P>I ordered the book today. I know it is a spiritual battle and God's battle, but it still hurts and is difficult to go through and deal with. I must say I have bought many help materials over the years and am skeptical of anything but the word of God. Hope I am wrong on this book. Am i supposed to just let her do whatever she wants when she wants, even if it is hurting our family?

P&B,<P>Praise God another answered prayer!!<P>The book is based on God's word.Remember she gets by with<BR>nothing, God knows.<P>This is a narrow path that is why we don't see more restored marraiges.We try and do it the worlds way not God's way.<P>Thank you Lord for speaking to P&B and thank you P&B for listening to God speaking through us.<P>Praise God in ALL we do.God is awesome.<P>We all know you are hurting that is why the prayers for you to go to the restore site, we know God's truth is the only way to restore your marriage.<P>gentle

P & B,<BR>I would start praying Ps 88:18 He will remove the lover and the aquaintance. Also "Boundaries" by Townsen and Cloud may help. I don't know what to say is right. This is a tough call. Why hasn't she just moved out to live with the guy? Maybe let her know that this is unacceptable behavior and she has to move out tomorrow. Let her know you love her and that you will be there for her if she changes her behavior but you will not continue to live your life the way it is now. Does the word co-dependancy ring any bells here? Something has to change. I will pray again for you. Ted ><>

I think she has not moved out because she wants her cake and eat it too. Co-dependancy sounds about right. If I told her to get out by tomorrow, I think she would just laugh at me and would make me physically remove her, and I don't think I want to go there. We also have a three year old daughter and she would want to take her, and I would not let that happen. It is a pretty ugly situation. I have thought about telling her father and my parents about the affair and her unwillingness to break off from this man, because exposure seems to be the biggest fear for her. Well, here I go again, trying to fix everything, how long before that book gets here, gentle?? <P>"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" John 14:27

P&B,<P>I pray the book gets there soon. It takes me 2 to 3 days to gets materials. I am so glad you said you didn't want to go there about asking her to move out. Praise God she is still home. That is so much more thatn most of us have. Hang on. <BR>Believe me you are best off to not saying anything to her.<BR>Telling others will only shame her. I did this and thought I was doing the right thing. It takes longer to restore a marriage after making many mistakes like backing them in a corner or causeing them get shame. I know she has cause you shame but, that is her sin not yours. Jesus tells us to not repay evil with evil. The word is the same today, yesterday, and tommorrow.<P>I know it is hard. I am fighting bitterness right now as I watch and hear my husband hurt us more and more concerning the house and child support. Last night I told him I was sorry I fought him in court for the girls and he took me to court with a weeks notice. I told him he was right and the courts are all wrong and against men. I told him I was sorry I just didn't let him have the girls and the house. I told him I would let him have the house if he saved it from being sold. I told him I would pay what every child support he wanted. I told him not to worry about paying any more child support because I could tell it was not he wish and was making him bitter. I told him I was not going to be a woman that control or caused bitterness as I had done in the past. Was this fair?...no but, it was what God had put on my heart to do. I didn't do it for my husband, I did it because Jesus did it. It wasnt fair that he died on the cross for my sins when he had done nothing. If I have to say I am sorry for things I didn't do or agree to things that are not fair to save my husband and family that is still small compared to what the Lord did for all us sinners. <P>He did change his tune some. I believe he was so shocked that he didn't know what to say. I don't believe he will take custody of the girls. I believe he doesn't really want the responsibility right now. At least now he can stop blaming me for his troubles. He can't say I am unfair. I pray he will stop complaining about the child support. He hasn't paid any for three months because he wasn't working <BR>and now that he is working he is trying to get it lowered.<BR>This is what it is all about with our spouse that are being held prisoners of Satan. They are deceived into thinking they can run from responsibity and be "happy". They blame everything that happens to them on us. They "can't"(not want) do anything. I know because I have been there and running never made me happy. They will run out of places to run when we give them no reason to blame us. When we get out of the way that can't pick fights with us. <P>I have to stand before God with clean hands and a pure heart<BR>to be free. They will too if we don't give up or in. Stand firm on the rock.<P>I do hope this helps you and others to understand who are battle is with.<P>gentle

I think Gentle is right. Your wife can't see your changes if she's not in the house. She feels guilty or she would be open about the whole thing.<P>I agree with Gentle about those materials - hang in there and reread them a lot. The Lord is on YOUR side. If God is with you, who can be against you? <P>I am in your same situation. It is really hard. If you need extra help, try to see about anti-depressants. They help you to manage your reactions. Remember that the Lord decided to work through other humans when He created the Church and this goes for doctors and psychologists too. Pray about what is right for you, read the Bible, find a church and some support. We all support you. Maybe this trial of yours is going to reap far farther than you expect. God is really good to us. Bless Him even in this trial, as soon as you can. He is going to change your world. Don't ask her to leave - you have a daughter and you have a marriage which God wants you to keep. <P>Jesus, please give this man a sign of Your love, just for him. Let Him release this problem to You. Show Him Your Divine Mercy. Bless him and bring him closer to You so He can help others find You. Let this man be a light to the world, as Gentle is through her pain.

Gentle, I did not know your current situation, praying for you this morning. Your words seem to flow from my screen and swirl around me like a shield, I feel safe and comforted. He is working through you, keep it up.<P>Tryingtohope, thank you for your prayers. I went to a new church on palm sunday and after some research will join them this sunday. they have some great ministries, children and adults. Palm sunday was the first time I had been to church since last august after I found out about the A. I thought that after I found out she would change her ways, once I saw that was not happening, I became angry and put down my bible and tried to do it my way, well as you all know that does not work and only creates more problems. He is working on me, too. That is why I think I caught them monday evening together, He was opening my eyes to see that I can't do it, it has to be him, and for me to give my trust back to Him. So, back I go to a better church than I was at before, back to a bible study class, get to know His word, and do His will.<P>thank you.

P&B<P>You are doing great. You are beginning to give it to God. Giving it to God is a process. We are all on a journey.<BR>I pray for the Holy Spirit to lead me and speak through me when I post. Sometimes I have to go back to see what I even wrote. Praise God for using us.<P>In Him,<BR>gentle

materials arrived today.

P&B,<P>Great, I pray you keep busing reading. If you have any questions, please post. There are several of us here who can try and answer. I have a lot of Q&A's from the restore site also. Remember it is a process, but one that will bless you along the way.<P>gentle