I am feeling like I am wits end. Things are starting to snowball and I feel like giving up. I bumped into my xh (it absolutely kills me, divorce is final 4/30/01). He looked at me so smuggly and why is he so happy. I owe alot in taxes because of him (he told me early on that he would help anytime I needed it) yet when I told him of the $ owed he treated me like a person off the street-oh well handle it. I am a self sufficient woman, but I feel like there is too much to handle right now---it is because of my emotional well being. I want him back, I want my marriage back, I want forever to be forever. He made me a promise.<P>I really want and need some peace. I feel that my husband has destroyed a piece of me-and I don't know if I'll ever find it again. <P>My exh is very happy right now with the OW and I believe they are making future plans together. No way I can say or do anything to fix it.<P><p>[This message has been edited by REJECTED (edited April 17, 2001).]

Do you have any legal recourse on the tax situation? I know how you can feel like everything is closing in. You are in my prayers.

I don't have any fight left in me, although I do try and be smart. He is easily enraged so I try to choose my battles. He owes me a settlement, and I don't want to do anything to jeapordize that. It is so odd, because this man has always been such an upstanding person and completely trustworthy-I can still see him in that light.... but I have to wonder, as now he isn't who I thought he was at all. AT ALL.<P>I have been signing my married name and I want to wear my wedding ring-like I am trying to hold on to my marriage for just a little longer.......<BR>

Janie is right check with your accountant or attourney about the taxes owed. It has been a year since your divorce, maybe it is time to pick yourself up dust yourself off and start all over again. Do you have kids? I pray that you find peace.

Petrie,<P>Your husband is not happy. Another woman can't make him any happier than you can. Happiness is of this world and it doesn't last. Joy comes from the Lord. Please don't fall for Satan's lies. Your husband is lost and confused. Have compassion for him because he is in Satan's prison and we all know no one is happy there for long. The money doesn't matter ,and this is coming from someone who is about to lose her home and owes everyone. Your husband's soul matters and it is dead. Never give up always, stand firm, and wait on the Lord. <P>Thanks for your prayers. Maybe this cup will not be removed from me but God's ways are higher than mine. If losing our home is what it will take to bring my husband to humble himself before the Lord, then the house must go. This doesn't mean there will not be a lot of tears shed during the process. I have so much to praise God for already.<P>Things do great better, Petrie, God does hear and answer our prayers.Keep looking up and not at your circumstances.<BR>You are in my prayers.<BR>gentle<p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited April 17, 2001).]

I noticed I put the wrong year as to when my divorce is final, it is this year not last. <P>Thank you all<P>I know it is not the money gentle. It is the fact that we are no longer working together as the "team" we once were and accomplishing and overcoming obstacles and adversity like we did before. I believe that when he told me, Petrie, if you need anything-I'll be there for you-it was just his way of cleansing himself and easing any guilt. Ever since I've been gone, he has shown me nothing by way of emotions, support, or $. Like I was thrown to the wolves and he certainly isn't looking back to check to see if I've been bitten (I have many times). He just wants to think everything is aok!!!!! <BR>Is it really satan who has a hold on him-or he just a cruel sick individual? I don't normally say anything like that about him. He was such man of integrity and a devote Christian. When he sees the light again, how will I look to him then? How does his pride fit into the picture???<P>

Petrie,<BR>I'm sorry that he has left you with the impression that he is acting in such negative ways. I have to say that Patty says I act the same way and I don't understand it. After everything I have posted in here, do I give that impression of acting so smug? I don't know. I pray for my eyes to be opened to see as God sees. <BR>Pray Ps 88:18 He will remove the lover and the aquaintence. Also pray II Chron 7:14 It is up to you to be so close to Jesus that it is as if you are walking around with Him physically beside you. He is your best and most influential friend. As you grow closer to Him and understand Him more, you can ask anything in His name and He will do it to glorify God.<BR>Gentle is right, he is not happy. He cannot be knowing he is sinning. He is in denial and God will scourge him. Pray for this. There are 3 levels of discipline. 1. rebuke- a word or frustration in our life. 2. chastening- God takes something away from us. He does something to get our attention. 3. scouraging- Jesus was scouraged befor being crucified. I have been scouraged because I didn't listen when God was gently calling me last year. Pray for God to deal with your husband to break him. Then LET HIM GO!!! Petrie, Until you are willing to totally walk away from him and put God first in every area of your life.... all you will have is the same (now insecure) relationship you had before. You don't really want that do you? You want something stronger and more open for God to use. Mt 6:33, Seek first His kingdom and His rightousness and ALL these things will be added to you.<BR>Go to the Christian bookstore and get the new book by Wilkinson called The Vine. I read most of it last night as I was struggling because Patty didn't call me yesterday at all and after all of the calls everyday, I felt really scared again. <BR>I'm sorry for all you are going through. I will be praying. let us know what you think. Ted ><>

Petrie,<P>I know it is not just the money. What I am trying to say is none of the things of this world really matters. I know it hurts that he is not helping. My husband did the same thing last year that is why we are losing our home, we don't have hot water and the only heat we have is wood. All of this has humbled me greatly. I thank God for all this even though it is hard to deal with day to day.My husband has finally started helping with some things.What they say and what they do are two different things. That is part of the lies they are living in. <P>Your husband cannot cleanse himself nor remove guilt. You know he has to go to Jesus for these things. Believe me, he is not happy. I didn't get what it meant to seek first the kingdom of God for a long time. I finally realized that it meant that I had to seek God for EVERYTHING I need or desire.I must turn to His ways, word, and will in ALL things. I realized that this meant I had to learn to deal with all people, all relationships, and all situations as Jesus would. This is hard. It means putting HIS ways first in all things not my ways. It means saying I am sorry when I am not wrong. It means forgiving when I don't want to forgive. It means living in peace with all people. It means not talking about others. It means not pointing my finger at those who hurt me. I have to remind myself of all this and much more each day. Just like Jesus died on that cross when he had done NOTHING wrong to save us from our sins, we must die to self in order that our spouses and others can be saved when they see Christ in us. Stand firm with God and your testimony will bring others to Christ.<P>God does want your marriage restored. What He does for one of His children He will do for others. God doesn't play favorites. Giving it to God means you must stay out of it all the way. Ted and I are not trying to be harsh with you, we know your pain and we are offering you wisdom to restore your marriage because we love you and don't want to see any marriage fall. Don't let Satan have his way.<P>I was a very independent self sufficient woman. I now know that this was part of what ran my husband off. If we are self sufficient then what do we need a husband for? <BR>I hope this helps. Keep the faith.<BR>gentle<P>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited April 18, 2001).]<P>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited April 18, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited April 18, 2001).]

gentle & Ted<P>You both are not too harsh on me at all. You both tell me what I need to hear and keep me in a place I need to be. You both help me to stay on the path I need to take. <P>My grief is getting the best of me, I miss him so desperately, not for financial reasons, but because I love him and want him by my side. He promised me forever, not just so many years. <P>Thank you Ted for the words, I will be studying tonight, just as you wrote.<P>Thank you,<BR>I will keep the faith, and you are in my prayers<BR>Petrie<p>[This message has been edited by REJECTED (edited April 18, 2001).]

Petrie and Gentle,<BR>Thank you for your prayers also. I feel so blessed because my wife really does love me and is so willing to reconcile (even though it will take a while so she can see if the changes are real) and you both have shared such horror stories. <BR>Petrie, a thought just came to me while I was typing... are you involved with any separated and divorced groups at church anywhere? I would say that your H would really start re-thinking his position as soon as he saw you getting on with your life. He has you right where his little controlling ways want you. (It makes me mad that he would be a man and act the right way for you). Make yourself unavailable. Let him know you will be "busy" when he wants to talk next time. I don't know, it's just a thought. You have to decide if it's right or not. He is having his cake and eating it too. I will be praying for you sis. T ><>

Dear Petrie,<P> I agree with Gentle,if you think your H is happy,it is only temporary,soon the season of sin will be over.<P> I am feeling some grief also,as my divorce draws near,the next court date is May 7th.<P> love and prayers, beth

Dear Petrie,<P>I pray that you will find peace. God sees the forest and we just see the bark in front of us...You will be okay no matter what. Don't ask your husband for anything. Maybe this was your way of checking if he still loved you? I think he will give when you expect nothing.<P>It's not about the false love he's feeling and it's not about looks, or age, or weight or anything. It's a spiritual battle that you win when you give up and give it over to Jesus.<P>I know you must mourn for your husband - I don't know how many nights I cried and sobbed when he told me about the OW. But God has really protected me lately and He will protect you too. This is a BIG test for you. The hardest test of your life. Trust Jesus. He has plans for you or he wouldn't have led you here.<P>I am really sorry that you are in such great pain. There is a reason for it and you won't know all the good you have done till the last day. Think of it like labor pains - then the joy of the baby arrives and you forget it all for one minute of holding your precious child.<P>Take care and God bless you.

Thank you so much tryingtohope.<BR>Your kind words give me such comfort.<BR>Petrie<BR>