Please pray that God gives me patience with myself and my husband. I feel so confused right now and I am confusing my husband terribly. This past weekend he was very possessive of me and my time that when I was away from him for only a couple of hours with a friend (I even invited him to come with us for I really wanted him to but he acted pouty and said no) he yelled and screamed at me later that night. He keeps saying that he feels I do not love him and like spending time with everyone else. THis is very fustrating for me as I feel I spend all of my time with him, so much so that I often sacrifice personal things I need and want to do. <P>Anyway, it's getting doubly confusing for we've both read Boundaries in Marriage and he keeps saying that I need to set up boundaries for myself and that is why I am so unhappy but when I try to he gets upset and says he's not sure we should continue our relationship.<P>Yesterday I tried to have a conversation with him about my boundaries and that sometimes I would like a little time for friends both with and without him, and even a little time for myself once in a while. I thought I was communicating it the best way I knew how but he says all I did was confuse him. Now today he is talking about moving back to London (we live in Cambridge now..I only moved to Cambridge back from AMErica to be with him) and that maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while. <P>I am so confused...please pray that God will help me and give me some answers or make my path clearer to see for I feel lost and panicky.

From your earlier posts your husband has been abusive in the past. I think he still needs some counselng before you consider moving back in with him. He really is confused and it could be a bad situation if he doesn't address some of his issues. Take care and good luck.

All I can say is that from of some of your earlier posts your husband has been abusive in the past. And from this post it appears that escaltion is well on the way. Unless he is really ready to change for himself and break the cycle of abuse it will never end. It nmay dissapear for awhile but it will return even uglier than before. I will pray that your H is touched t`by the holy spirit and becomes willing to change himself for him<BR>

I think your husband is scared of losing you. You said that you discussed that before and that his fears and angry way of handling them drove you away.<BR>I wonder if it's too early to have serious conversations with him. Maybe you need some time to redevelop your relationship on a lighter note. I agree with the others that it seems best to be separate, if that's where you still are. <BR>Is he still looking for a job? He is probably feeling very insecure about that and subconsciously he takes that out on you. I think you have to watch getting on his roller coaster, which is FAR easier said than done (I just hopped on my husband's today - mistake.) Try to focus on a period of time in around 3 months and don't get stuck looking at the day to day because it really brings you down.<BR>The progress you made is that you came back, you have talked, you have spent time together and as far as I know, he hasn't laid a hand on you but has revealed his emotions to you. I think you are doing well. He has an anger problem but it's not your problem, if you can try to distance yourself from it. <BR>I don't believe him about moving unless he is afraid of not finding a job where you are. Don't get upset about it and don't even discuss it unless it becomes a serious house or job hunt. Otherwise, it is really just an expression of his will to escape. Try to separate the real anxieties from the extra ones like this.<BR>I know how you feel when you were doing so well and then you have a bad day - it's really a bummer. But there are very few paths that lead straight uphill: they usually twist around the mountains and sometimes you have to go down a little to take the best path to the top. The important thing is that you're on the right mountain! And you have plenty of company and a good guidebook (the Bible) to help you find the right path. Now even the best guidebooks don't tell you how to walk - they presume you know how to do that much. (Occasional tripping is okay, but try not to break an ankle... )<BR>What I mean is nobody can tell you how to behave on a daily basis and you have to trust yourself. We can all tell you that the path is full of holes so you have to watch your step, but you have to trust yourself to walk. Stop for a rest when you get weary. But don't doubt your own ability to walk. God gave you a brain, a mouth, a pair of legs, a pair of arms. The instruction book tells you to open your mouth after you've thought about it and only when necessary, pray for a pure heart so when you do use your mouth, what comes out is pure and basically to put God first, love your neighbor and everything else will follow.<P>It will.<P>God is eternal so don't try to put Him on your schedule. Climbing this mountain is very exhausting but a lot of fun and more exciting than any other adventure. God bless you and keep you on the right path. Keep us posted!<BR>

Wow, thank you, all of you for all your wonderful input and support. This website is fantastic. I only wish I had found it last year before and/or during when I left my husband.<P>We actually talked about the incident I wrote about above and I pressed my point with him. It took a while and lot of him pouting like a child, as well as constantly saying that I don't love him, before he finally talked like a grown up and understood what I was saying. He finally admitted that he is just so worried about money, jobs and everything else that he, again, is taking it out on me. For the past couple of days it has been going really well and I got my hopes up (like I always do) and of course, today he pops the bubble again. Not terribly but I can hear and sense the signs that its coming again. He seems to be such an angry man and I don't know how to handle it. I have been trying really hard to give it to the Lord and not worry about it, to try to not nag and leave him to it for it is not my problem. It is something he has to work out for himself.<P>He is still talking about moving but it is work related and I understand that. I was actually considering moving with him but I have to really sit still and pray about it to see if it is the right time for us to live together. A part of me feels he doesn't really want me other than to help pay half the rent because he is so worried and I don't like that. So I need to have a good think.<P>It's strange for the past couple of days we have done nothing but talk about finding different jobs and the possibility of returning to US in the future for work and moving. I thought there was no problem, yet today he acuses me letting him sort everything out by himself and that I am not interested...weird. Then he acts like he knows nothing or remembers nothing of all our conversations. It is strange as if he is another person sometimes. I always feel so shocked, like the rug is being pulled out from under my feet.<P>Anyway, I understand the path is crooked sometimes (that analogy of the mountain was great!) and I am trying to look at the big picture. I have received the book yester that you recommended How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage and have begun reading it. So I have hope.<P>Thank you for taking time to write to me, I really appreciate it for I feel better. When I am left alone with only my husband to listen to he makes me feel crazy and that I am strange or something for thinking the way I do. So it is nice to hear validation from you all.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Tryingtohope:<BR><B>I think your husband is scared of losing you. You said that you discussed that before and that his fears and angry way of handling them drove you away.<BR>I wonder if it's too early to have serious conversations with him. Maybe you need some time to redevelop your relationship on a lighter note. I agree with the others that it seems best to be separate, if that's where you still are. <BR>Is he still looking for a job? He is probably feeling very insecure about that and subconsciously he takes that out on you. I think you have to watch getting on his roller coaster, which is FAR easier said than done (I just hopped on my husband's today - mistake.) Try to focus on a period of time in around 3 months and don't get stuck looking at the day to day because it really brings you down.<BR>The progress you made is that you came back, you have talked, you have spent time together and as far as I know, he hasn't laid a hand on you but has revealed his emotions to you. I think you are doing well. He has an anger problem but it's not your problem, if you can try to distance yourself from it. <BR>I don't believe him about moving unless he is afraid of not finding a job where you are. Don't get upset about it and don't even discuss it unless it becomes a serious house or job hunt. Otherwise, it is really just an expression of his will to escape. Try to separate the real anxieties from the extra ones like this.<BR>I know how you feel when you were doing so well and then you have a bad day - it's really a bummer. But there are very few paths that lead straight uphill: they usually twist around the mountains and sometimes you have to go down a little to take the best path to the top. The important thing is that you're on the right mountain! And you have plenty of company and a good guidebook (the Bible) to help you find the right path. Now even the best guidebooks don't tell you how to walk - they presume you know how to do that much. (Occasional tripping is okay, but try not to break an ankle... )<BR>What I mean is nobody can tell you how to behave on a daily basis and you have to trust yourself. We can all tell you that the path is full of holes so you have to watch your step, but you have to trust yourself to walk. Stop for a rest when you get weary. But don't doubt your own ability to walk. God gave you a brain, a mouth, a pair of legs, a pair of arms. The instruction book tells you to open your mouth after you've thought about it and only when necessary, pray for a pure heart so when you do use your mouth, what comes out is pure and basically to put God first, love your neighbor and everything else will follow.<P>It will.<P>God is eternal so don't try to put Him on your schedule. Climbing this mountain is very exhausting but a lot of fun and more exciting than any other adventure. God bless you and keep you on the right path. Keep us posted!<BR> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>