Praise God and all his glory it is only thru and by abiding him that I have managed to make it this far. But to is the hardest day so far, I met with HR at work, last week I blew up on a friend on the floor at work very heated was I, the result was getting written up, I have been honest with my boss and HR about what I am going thru. Well today it was suggested that I take a month to get myself together. I had always thought that only weak people take time from work to deal with depression and stress. So now here I am facing that. But I guess I really need it. Yesterday I was in KMart found myself in the gilrs clothing department looking at little girls clothes and crying uncontolably. Due to the seperation with my W I have no contact with my stepdaughter. Since I cannot have kids of my own I am really attacthed to her I love her with all my heart. I have not really delt with these feelings because the pain that I caused my wife and my depression are so great. I pray daily that God moves in her heart to allow her to forgive and rebuild our marriage. I saw her agin last night she is still the most buetiful woman I have ever laid eyes on and I fell in love all over again. That hurts because I can not even speak to her or give her a hugg. I miss so much and I love her so much, But I am trying to give hert the time and space she needs and work on my issues. I gave my marriage to God and contnue to do so on a daily basis for it is only thru him that it can be restored<P>------------------<BR>If you are living in the problem then you are not part of the solution!<P>I CAN'T<BR>HE CAN<BR>I THINK I WILL LET HIM

I am so sorry about your sadness and your separation from your wife and stepdaughter. <BR>Are you getting any help for your depression? Anti-depressants have really saved me and allowed me to handle this trial on a rational basis. Before I started taking them, as much as I prayed, I couldn't get the energy or concentration to work - I would just cry or be unable to focus. Since you're a man, it is normal that you would also be angry to avoid tears - it's the same feeling of frustration that leads to both reactions.<BR>Are you sleeping? Are you having trouble eating or are you overeating? Are you able to talk to people? Is anybody helping you?<BR>Please make sure you get professional help. I'm worried about you. The Lord gave us doctors and the Lord inspires them to come up with new cures. Remember that He works THROUGH people.<BR>Don't have a false sense of pride and think that you have to go through this trial alone. You don't. Even God is a Trinity - and we are made in His image. He didn't want to be alone so He made us to love Him and to be loved by Him. We are meant to live in community with others (and not just two by two.) Part of the community is doctors. They don't have to be Christian. (Maybe you will lead them down that path. Don't judge them spiritually but give an example in all you do to the best of your ability.) But I truly believe you need to see a doctor right away because this depression has interfered with your job and your functioning in the world. God needs you healthy. So does your family. Have faith that you can restore your marriage although it will take time.<P>Make an appointment this afternoon and let me know what day it is. Tell them it is urgent.<BR>In the meantime, take care and God bless you. You are in my prayers and I care about what happens to you. Don't let yourself go - you are really worrying me. In the name of Jesus Christ I ask for you to be healed.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tryingtohope:<BR>[Oh I have done a lot of cying, never thought I could cry like this. My Pyc(MD) has me o a low level anti depresssent as I want to feel these feelings. I have an appointment with my anger counselor tomorrow and my regular therapist on Mon, I meet with my Pastor sat morning, I am attending at least two AA meetings a day. And I am talking about my feelings and doing a lot of crying

Riden, its ok to feel the hurt and pain. It will bring you closer to the Lord. I was too stubborn to take meds, cause i was on xanax and they took them away from me, and i didnt want anything else. I was a potsmoker for 20 years and xanax was like legal dope to me. I ended up in a looney farm for a few days wheen i withdrawled off of them. I would of been happy to be on them the rest of my days, and well God knew that. I dont know what God wants you to do. He deals with us on an individual basis. If youve had problems with drugs or alcohol in the past, anti-depressants may not be good. Yes i lost my job, home material things, roof over my head and sanity from depression of seperation, but i already had depression and it just shut me down compleatly. But, you know God took care of me thru it all and i grew closer to him and found great peace when i cried to God , and i cried for days on end for at least a year. Im learning now that depression can be caused or at least get out of control, if we dont Trust in God. I learned this the hard way. No matter what , God will see you through. He is faithful, even when we are not. His plans will prevail. Persevere, pray and never give up. Oh Lord, i pray you give Riden your peace and rest thru these heartbreaking trials. Lord, i would of rather been shot than to go thru this, and understand the pain. Jesus, thank you for suffering so much for us and that you do understand our pain. Lord we have all treated you as our mates have treated us and you know Lord our pain all to well. Lord have mercy on us and give Riden your strenth Lord to make it thru these trials and to Glorify your name. Lord we know that nothing is too great for you and that you rejoice in those who trust you to restore their marriages and broken families. Thank You Lord, for your Love and salvation. In Jesus name, Amen

Lostpup<P>I just read your post and it brought tears to my eyes, yes my faith has growm leapsand bounds I have been able to turn things over to GOD. That i was going hold onto forever. In doing this I know I will get thru this but it hrts now and will continue to hurt till GPD is reaady for that hurt to end. <P><P>------------------<BR>If you are living in the problem then you are not part of the solution!<P>I CAN'T<BR>HE CAN<BR>I THINK I WILL LET HIM