We are with you. God is working through you. You are NOT alone. Please do find some extra support. Back in Job's time, there wasn't a church like today. Find a good minister to talk to.<P>I am so happy that you are doing better - I am praying for you.

Mark, we hear your pain. Funny you should mention Elijah because the first moment I read your post Elijah being fed by the ravens and ministered to by angels came to mind.<P>It feels like God hasn't lifted a finger, dear Mark, but I believe He is working in your life. I am in a total different circumstance than you and yet at the same point of having to rely on God the hardest. He is really dealing with me about not trusting Him. <P>God corrected me with a verse from Proverbs this week--I have been treasuring my anger at my church leaders (I am a minister and a WS now forgiven) and have even allowed hatred into my heart. Proverbs 18:12 If your heart is proud, you will be destroyed. So don't be proud if you want to be honoured. OUCH!!!! I am not saying this verse as a judgement on you--just sharing what God said to me and it hurt but it helped.<P>Then I found some awesome verses..You are so on the right track by crying out to God even when His presence seems withdrawn. God will honor that for sure. <P>This verse is so cool--PROVERBS 19:21 YOU MAY HAVE MANY PLANS IN YOUR HEART. BUT THE LORD'S PURPOSE WINS OUT IN THE END.<P>PSALM 86:11+ LORD, TEACH ME HOW YOU WANT ME TO LIVE. THEN I WILL FOLLOW YOUR TRUTH. GIVE ME A HEART THAT DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING MORE THAN TO WORSHIP YOU.LORD, MY GOD, I WILL PRAISE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. I WILL BRING GLORY TO YOU FOREVER. GREAT IS YOUR LOVE FOR ME.<P>I wish you could have been at my church today...the pastor's wife received a song from God in which He spoke His love over the congregation. He advised, Lose yourself-find me. He said the angels weep over us singing sweetly I love you. The last couple lines were His saying: I love you--I am here.<P>don't let the devil rob you, Mark. Jesus came to give you abundant life. Receive it..even in bite-size pieces for now. The person who said to look for the sunlight behind the cloud is right...find Him in the nooks and crannies.<P>Mark, people told me that maybe God allowed all the stuff to happen to me (not blaming Him or implying He planned it) to bring me to a whole new place. I thought that was disgusting because I couldn't forgive myself. But now only 3 months later I have found the courage to pursue my lifelong dream. It's gonna be a long tough road but Jesus is with me. <P>Sorry..the preacher girl in me got a little carried away. <P>Oh, Jesus, wrap Your arms of love around your precious son, Mark. Restore him to hope and health and thank You that he can cry out to you even in the most hopeless helpless moments. Release him from the hell he is going through. Miraculously cause his wife's family to be merciful to him. Restore, Lord, oh , restore. Infuse Mark with your joy. Take away the pain and fill him up with You. And yes, Lord, Jehovah-Jireh, our Provider,minister to his physical needs for shelter, food, clothing, work...give him the sound mind You promise us all.<P>Mark, as my Aussie pastor (up here in northwest Canada) would say, "bless ya heaps"!!!! Big hug!!!! <P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

Amen Fresh start, i do receive what you have said and much is from the Lord. I too have had a hard time forgiving some brothers and sisters in my last church because they told me to divorce and find a godly wife.(they were divorced) It was like, God healed my heart of unforgiveness in such a big way with my wife, for she has done more to me than all my worst enemies combined and God gave me such a love for her. The enemy was angry and came at me in another direction. My own family is persecuting me now. I have to forgive so many people now, its overwealming. Hatred has risen from my heart just last week and asked God to take it and He was faithful. I believe God allowed all this to happen in my life, cause i needed to be humbled and thrown into His arms as i in fact was. Nothing else could of done it quite like this trial. Yes God does work out all things for the good of those who love Him. God has dealt with so many things in my heart thru this all. I had no idea of all the junk that was in there. I still pray for God to expose it all. He has been faithful so far. There are still areas that i dont fully trust God in, like finances. He just took them away so now i have to learn the hard way like usual. It has been very painful at times also. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. <BR>P.S. I live in Corvallis , Oregon , not far from you.<BR>Mark

My brother is always telling me that the worst sin is pride, because that's the one that even the best Christians can fall into. Well - I agree with you Mark that God wants to talk to us through these trials. I hope my pride is going to disappear. (It sure has taken a beating lately...) I do think this trial was the one thing to get me to get very real with God. I feel closer to Him, to my family and to my husband's family now. It upsets me that you're going through family trouble because that's what we all need to rely on. I don't understand what it is. I just pray everyone's eyes will open and accept the love you want to give them and they are shutting out.<P>Lord, continue to draw Mark to you. Help him to love his whole family, to turn the other cheek. Lord, none of us are good at that. Only You can change us and purify us to be a reflection of Your glory. Please help his family to support him in every way and help his wife to heal with him in You.

Yes pride is an ugly one and comes out of nowhere at times. I thought mine was compleatly shattered, and some situations just bring it back out. I came from a well off family, and when my parents divorced 12 years ago, my safty net disappeared. My mom could no longer get me any money from my dad-lol. Then one day after 5 years of marriage, my wife gambled and did drugs and left us compleatly broke. I had to find out what it was like to be poor. She didnt care, she came from a poor family, she thought it was funny,then she left. Anyway. Ive been humbled in some big ways. Being poor brought me really close to the Lord, so it wasnt so bad. I used to be such a pridful sick man. when i was younger, id sit there doing a cocaine deal and snort a big line and say, i wonder what the poor people are doing. Well, now i know, Prasin Jesus, and full of love for the lost and hurting. I am thankful to have suffered for the sake of Christ, for He suffered dearly for me. When you have been forgiven much, you will love much, and i had a huge debt. I suppose God knew i was the only person on earth that could handle the job of my wife. Its funny, but i sometimes acually consider it a privlage. That could only be the strenth of the Lord. Thank you trying for your encouragement and careing.<BR>Mark

Mark...<P>Sometimes the Lord takes from us what is in His way. He had to do something drastic to get your attention and this is what it's all about. When we are the needest, that is when He appears. Money is the root of all evil...Mark, you are growing in the Lord, but let me ask you one question. If you had all that money today, would you be walking with the Lord? He wants to make you so strong in your Christian walk, and if everything was ok today, which way would you turn? That is why we wait upon the Lord, He knows when we are ready, ready to walk in the spiritual world, that is when the pain eases. Your doing great..pray without ceasing.<BR>Kathie

Kathy, to answer your question, if i was financially well of and remained that way, i would of never walked closely to the Lord. I took His grace for granted many years. When i had financial security, i didnt need to cry out to God. I also forgot who blessed me financially. Years ago, my wife and i seperated for the first time and we were well off financially, and even was put in her grandmothers will and it was a large summ of money. That started WWIII within the family and her mother seeked to destroy us, cause she got cut out. My wife and i didnt want that to happen or the money, but her mother thought differntly. Her grandmother is a puppetmaster anyway and was bored. They think it will happen again if we get back together, yet i nor my wife will accept being put in the will again, but tell her greedy evil mother that. So its money that is destroying us still, cause they are all using it againts us now, to keep us down. My family included. Still, being so poor and having so much againts me really makes me feel helpless, cause it appears that they are succeding in there evil plans. Im just having a hard time right now understanding as to why that ive grown so close to the Lord now, that He seems to do so little to help me. I grow so weary at times. At the end of my days i rest in the Lord. I get peace and comfort. But when i awake , the enemy says let the games begin. I cant take my focus off the Lord much anymore, or i fall into despair. I would like to get out on parole. How many tears must i cry, before God answers my prayers. My life feels so worthless. Its like if God wants me to be close to Him, and i am, then why should He keep me here anymore. Why not just take me home. He who finds his life will loose it, he who looses his life for Christs sake will find it. Give me restoration or give me death. I dont want nothing inbetween. God knows my heart, i have nothing to hide. Lord, give us all strenth in our time of need. I praise Jesus for brothers and sisters that stand together in this narrower road of marital restoration that most just dont want to walk on, and sometimes i cant blame them, but The Lord said build for yourself treasures in heaven and not here on earth where moths and rust can destroy. Amen? AMEN!<BR>Mark

Lostpup, you hang in there too. Your words to me have been up-lifting and renewed some hope that I thought was gone. You also must remain steadfast in the Lord. Let God work on the stituation and just try and stay out of His way.(that is the hard part). I went to a Christian Counselor Friend who gave me some good advice. He said that God has his hand on the situation and that I should stop trying to fix it. It lighten the load that I had put on myself. I will pray for you situation and that God will ease your suffering. God truly is Good and we must trust him.

Hi Mark..<P>STAND FIRM!!!! AND WAIT UPON THE LORD. OUR DAYS, MONTHS AND YEARS ARE FLEETING MOMENTS IN THE LORDS EYES. IF WE WAIT ON HIM, OUR LIFE IS HIS. WHAT CHANCES DO YOU HAVE FOR PAROLE? I AM NOT UP TO SPEED ON YOUR BACKGROUND..HOW LONG OF A TIME DO YOU HAVE? MARK, EVERYTHING GOOD COMES FROM THE LORD...ASK HIM FOR HIS ARMOUR TO PUT ON TO GUARD AGAINST THE ENEMY....I TOO, HAVE TO KEEP ON EYES WIDE OPEN, AND KEEP THE ARMOUR OF GOD ON. SATAN IS ALWAYS KNOCKING ON MY DOOR. BUT THE LORD STANDS FIRM ON HIS WORD, AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF BOTH OF US. I PRAY FOR YOU EVERY DAY..<BR>IN GOD'S WAY<BR>KATHIE

.<p>[This message has been edited by Eagleheart (edited June 28, 2001).]

.<p>[This message has been edited by Eagleheart (edited June 28, 2001).]

Eagleheart...<BR>I appreciate your response. However, some people are not as far as you are in their spiritual journey. For many money CAN BE the root of all evil. Some are tempted more than others, and one can always fall from grace when it comes to money. Yes, many christians have been blessed with money, it is wonderful to see them use their gifts from God, for God. Just as long as they do not forget who blessed them with such wealth. We are human, money can get in the way of our relationship with God...when we are weak the enemy attacks from all sides, and money can be the root of all evil. Remember, anyone can fall at any time!. I rejoice that you have been blessed, and are using it for God's purpose, don't ever forget you could fall at any time. <BR>God Bless

Eagleheart, thank you for your wisdom and concern. Not to be pridful or think im anything, but i do pray for my enemies. I pray blessings upon them, i pray God will save all of their souls, and that is the greatest blessing of all. I have some enemies that have done the most hidious things to my family, especially my wife. One man took atvantage of her mental illness and drew her away from me by turning her into a junkie. He also gave her Hep C, and used my ss# to rack up major bills. Thsi man might as well be the devil himself. If i hadent learned to forgive this man,and pray for him, i would of killed him instead. He is now dying and going back to prison. I hope to see him in heaven, so God can have the last laugh at the devil. If i hadent found rest in the Lord thru my trials i would of died of a heart attack, by which i had a few minor ones, when i hadent found rest in the Lord , when my hell on earth began. Still like all of us, we have our days of disallusionment and pain that makes you wonder when God will answer my prayers. Hey, i would just like an answer, not my way but His way. My way would of been to call it quits on my wife and move on, like the rest of the world. I didnt want to believe God could restore such a mess. Its insane to believe that in the eyes of the world. But this is the direction Gods Holy Spirit lead me in, thru drawing closer to the Lord, and there were times when i said No God, you have got to be kidding. Id give up on her and i would have to walk away from the Lord, so i wouldnt hear that God would restore my marriage. When id loose my peace, i would draw near to God again, hopeing that He wouldnt bring up the fact that He wanted to restore my marriage, which by the way is about as bad as they come. He would bring it up and put such a love in my heart for my wife, and i would start praying for her again. After 3 years we are very close, she has hit bottom, but still struggles with mental illness and just when we were about to get back under the same roof, i lost my job and all provisions. At least my wife and i are close. But she still is at risk of loosing it, or going back out to shoot dope. As far as most of my brothers and sister out their that claim to know so much about the Lord, i see very little faith with actions. I love my brothers and sister here, cause we all share in our same struggles and we encourage and lift each other up. We can also be honest about how we feel inside and hopefully not be judged. I will wait on the Lord until He answers my prayers, His way. Until then, i press on. I wont always feel so blessed or be happy about my situation, but what can i do, but Trust God, even when i dont feel like it.<BR>I hope and pray all is well with you Eagleheart. May the Lord keep you under His wings and shed great grace and mercy upon your life. <BR>Mark