i recently got engaged on christmas eve. i have been with my fiance for almost 4yrs in june. i love him very much, he is my best friend. he does everything for me, house work, errands, emotional support, lots of cuddling and love. BUT, he has this one flaw. he works as a waiter, he is turning 30 this month. he has no motivation or desire to better himself financially or emotionally. i work 2 jobs, i like to work, sort of. i enjoy being able to have a savings account and buying clothes and other things when i need to, ect.. we split our rent and other costs. he pays the household bills though. but he has NO savings & bad credit! i want to buy a house in a year or 2, and have a baby in a year or 2, and so does he. but he doesn't do anything to get those goals. he's lazy! and i am freaked out! we're getting married march of 2002! he says he will start going back to school or get a different job soon as long as i stop nagging him! then i stop, he still does nothing! any advice?

First of all no one can nag anyone into doing anything. You must love him as he is not as you want him to be. I too had the ideal plan for marriage. My husband left and I would do anything to get him back. God has shown me that all my nagging to get what I thought was important ran him off. We cannot change anyone. No one will ever love us enough to change for us. God is the only one that can change someone and it takes a lot of pray and sometimes a lot of brokeness. I am now working on God's plan for marriage. I had no idea what to do either until I found this web site. <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> The site is for marriage restoration but, churches are using the principles here for couples planning on marriage. If you want a good marriage, stop looking for your partner to give you your ideal marriage and look to God for the best marriage posssible. I wish someone had given me this advise when I was planning on getting married.<BR>But you know what, I knew so much then I would not have listen. Besides my brokeness has brought me to the Lord. I would not be the person I am today or have the relationship with the Lord I now have if my marriage hadn't gotten to the places it has been. <P>I pray you take this advise. Seek wisdom.<P>gentle<p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited May 06, 2001).]