I have been married for 27 years to a very abusive man. We have two grown daughters that realize I'm in a terrible situation. I'm over weight and is trying to do something about it. My husband calls me terrible names to the point where I lost all my self esteem. I met a wonderful guy who talks to me and tries to convince me that I'm a loving, caring, and beautiful person. Of course I do not believe a word of it because of the many years that I have been emotionally abused by my spouse. He tells me he loves me but I do not believe him, I think he cares for me a little because we been together so long but he can't love me, because if he did he would never say the cruel things that he says to me. This past friend of mine talks to me about his problems with his wife and I talk about my relationship. I think I love this man but I'm worried and afraid. My husband has had TONS of affairs on me and each time I forgave him, but I'm tired now. I want to move on. Not to this man because he's married and assures me he does not love his wife because like my husband she's abusive and has had affairs. WHAT SHOULD I DO?????? I even thought about suicide. My husband does nothing for me. He just abuse me.

I'm glad that you see the solution to your situation isn't with this other man. I feel you should take whatever steps you need to take in order to protect yourself from your H if he is physically abusing you. You need to distance yourself from this OM. If you are being physically abused, if you can't afford to do it on your own, call your local United Way agency, Salvation Army or other agency to get some help in getting you out of the house. Your husband needs counseling. He very well may love you, but he needs to resolve whatever issues that are causing him to treat you as he does. Please take care and know that YOU are not the problem.

Well, you're on the Prayer Request forum, so I assume that you are a spiritual person... yes, pray... but until you are safe you need to <B>GET OUT</B>... distance yourself from your abusive H.<P>I'm not telling you to divorce him, esp. if it goes against your religious beliefs. Pray that he is healed from the demon that is abuse, but in the meantime, you need to be <B>SAFE</B>.<P>Please... get <B>HELP</B>...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited May 08, 2001).]

I don't know why some people are mean and hurtful. Usually they are the ones who need love the most but they are like porcupines - it hurts to get close to them.<P>I didn't get the impression that your husband is physically abusive from your post. <P>Please go to Restorem.org for a great book.<P>I think that you are being tempted very strongly to have an affair with this other man. Be wary of men who talk to you about problems with their wives. Stay away from them because they encourage you to see only the dark side, to complain and to destroy your marriage.<P>The fact that you have even considered suicide means that you need to get some help for depression and talk to a professional or a clergyman about your problems right away. You deserve a break and you deserve help. Don't put this off.<P>Being overweight is a terrible merry-go-round. You think too much about food because you're trying not to eat which only makes you hungry. It is really difficult and messes with your self-esteem. I have been down that road and I remember how I hated myself. But the Bible tells us to "love thy neighbor as thy self" which means we have to love ourselves. It's pretty much an order. You are having a tough time loving yourself and accepting your husband's love. You are denying what he tells you because you don't feel worthy of his love, but he does love you. Just believe it. His abuse is indicative of how he feels about HIMSELF, not you. He has a bad relationship with HIMSELF.<P>Ask God to take over and to allow you to feel love or at least no pain when your husband says terrible things. Respond with kindness. Don't defend yourself. He will come around according to how you react. It won't happen overnight but he will come around.<P>Please take care of yourself and stay away from your temptation. It is a sure path to destruction.<P>We do care about you and we have just met through a forum. I'm sure that people who know you in person find you to be sweet and very interesting. You are rich inside. <P>Please don't give up on yourself or your marriage. The best is yet to come. Keep us posted and let us know when you have the appointment with a doctor or a pastor or priest.

Hi Certain One,<P>Just adding to the helpful information you already have been given. Please consider checking into the phone counseling session with the Harley's, Steve and Jennifer. They may be able to reference you to someone closer to your area for direct assistance. <P>You are welcome to come here and share your feelings, vent and scream (with all caps and in bold) as you need. While we are not professionals in this field, many of us are living through these rough times on a day to day basis. Some of our experiences may benefit you, others may just service as informational support. <P>You life is valuable. No one deserves to be mistreated. Abuse comes in many forms and often the abused does not know the way out. Help can be very close but being so involved may hide the assistance. <P>Check into your area's local women's chapter and see if there are centers for abuse that provide counseling and support also. <P>You can find out how to contact Steve or Jennifer Harley by going to the top of this screen and clicking on Counsel. You will be given direction on how to setup an appointment for a phone counseling session. <P>Please stay in contact with us. We will be here for your support. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>