I don't really know where to begin this letter, but I will try to make enough sense of it to write it all down and ask for any and all help I can get. <P>My husband is from England and I am from the US. We met online, and spoke via the telephone and internet for nine months before we decided to meet. He gave up his job and apartment and family to come here and be with me and my children. We married a couple of months after he got here and our marriage has been very rocky since the get go. Most of the arguements we had were my doing, I had alot of hurt, anger and resentment inside of me that I didn't know how to deal with and my husband ended up getting the brunt of all of that. I admit that most all our arguements were my doing, but I felt that I had right to be so difficult because my husband had been so aloof and distant since we met. I needed so much more from him emotionally than he was willing or able to give me. The more I argued, the more he would withdraw, the more he withdrew, the more I argued. Somehow in the whole big ugly mess of it all we were blessed with a beauitful child who is now nearly 6 months old. He is just like his father and we both love him dearly and want only the best for him. During the our marriage which has lasted 2 1/2 years despite everything we have done to each other, I realized that my actions were hurting the people that I love the most and that I had to change. This did not happen overnight, but took some time. I asked him to go to marriage therapy and we went together for several sessions, but he now refuses to return. He also just recently turned 30 years old and has said that he feels his life is half over and he wants the rest of his years to be happy ones. He has been so very distant for so long, and I have been focused only on trying to be a better wife and mother for the past couple of months that I didn't see coming what has just happened. Tonight he packed his things and left me, our child and my two older children with all of us begging him to please stay and to please give our lives together another chance. I am devastated. He says now that he doesn't love me the way a man should love a wife, that he is still suffering from a breakup with a girlfriend five years ago, that she was his only true love and he the biggest mistake he has ever made was leaving her. How can that be the biggest mistake he has ever made when he has just walked out on an entire family that loves, needs and cares so much for him ? I know that I have hurt him with my actions and I have asked for him to forgive me, and he says he has and that he loves me and he is sorry, but he can't be here anymore. I feel like this is truly the first time in our marriage that we could make a new start together and have a loving family and I don't know why he can't see this or doesn't want it. How can a man give up everything to be with a person, have a child with that person, then stand in front of them and say that he did indeed want a child but not with me. That he loves me but not like a wife... I am so confused. I love him so much, we all do. Please pray for us and hope that there is at least some hope in our future. Tonight he called shortly after leaving and taking all of his belongings and told me that he had checked into a hotel and will be getting an apartment tomorrow and that he thinks that he has made a mistake, why can't he just come home ? I love him so much, just pray for me that he knows this and will come home to those of us who love him so much. thank you so much