I've been posting on the "divorcing" category. H & I fought like cats & dogs on & off but I did not realize the serious implications. The last 4 months have gone from him telling me "We're incompatible & I need time" to "What's done is done & you need to let me go". When I told him I wasnt going to talk about politics at work anymore, he started confiding in a female coworker about that AND personal stuff. She was becoming our friend outside of work. But when she started telling me personal things I got worried. He was more withdrawn from me. I confronted her at work & told her the path was not harmless & its how mistakes are made. <P>I told her to "wean him off". She said she's an adult & just one of the guys. She went & told my H everything. I question what she's wanting out of this. He is vulnerable because I told him his worries about work were consuming him & I didnt want to hear it anymore. So he started talking to her. He told her I didnt love him & only married him for the comfort & our house!! He never told me this. Its not true. I love him deeply just was never any good at displaying it I guess.<P>So we've been riding the rollercoaster since. Though we remain under the same roof so far, We barely speak except to ask if the other 'checked the mailbox". Sleep in differant rooms, eat separately, are never together in anything anymore. He started talking about selling the house, & dividing our $$. He may have convinced himself its been this way 9 yrs, but for me its only been ~1 month.<P>Please pray for fast reconsiliation, for our marriage to be saved & repaired. That our hearts will be turned toward each other; & that he will allow me, his wife, to comfort him in his time of need (I learned too late I fear, from my mistakes). <P>Please pray that he was only testing me, that he will NOT divorce me & is willing to give our marriage the chance for renewal. I am willing to say & do whatever God wants me to do if he will only show me the way. <P>I desperately want our marriage to be saved. I feel desperately alone & want affection from my H so much. I think deep down he is insecure, needy & frightened. I think he feels rejected by me. I did realize this til now. I will never reject him ever again, if only he will let me back into his heart & mind. <P>I am in tears 24hrs. I want not to be selfish, mistrustful, angry or vengeful. I think I am starting to forgive. I blame myself for some of our problems. I beg God to save this marriage. For ~4 months its been going downhill. Please pray for us both. He is not willing to change right now. But I've learned from reading that my changing my reactions might lessen his reactions also. Its a start. I dont want to sell our home, split our finances or get seperated/divorced. I need all the prayers I can get!! <p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited June 04, 2001).]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you have made some changes in yourself which is the best place to begin. If you aren't ready or able to forgive or to love, the best way to start is to at least not hate! You don't hate and it sounds like you do love your husband and value your marriage.<P>I have always overdefended myself with my husband (and everyone) and that contentiousness has gotten me in a lot of trouble. Only now am I able to even see how my reactions made things so much worse. You have learned the same thing and that is a huge lesson in life that most people never really learn.<P>It's great that you're turning to God. Maybe that is part of the reason He allowed this to happen. He has a plan for you and until you tuned in to His "station", you couldn't understand it.<P>If you haven't been there yet, go to <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> which has a lot of good Bible verses to look up.<P>If you don't have a Bible yet, go buy one. If you don't have a church yet, start looking... The road is SO much easier to handle when you feel the love of God with you. He will give you the strength. Pray for faith first and remember that when you put Him first, everything else will follow. (Not necessarily according to your idea of a proper schedule ;-) )<P>I will keep you in my prayers.<P>Lord, please help this sweet woman to feel Your presence. Increase her faith day by day until she can't reasonably doubt Your existence and Your love. Strengthen her with your Holy Spirit so that she is able to give You control of her life. Help her understand that the ONLY true, profound joy is doing Your will. Grant her the discernment to follow Your will and let her feel that joy so she recognizes Your path. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

Thank you TryingToHope. Its been a few weeks since my other prayer request. I still want to ask for the same prayer. <P>I am still riding this rollercoaster. I still want this marriage to be saved & repaired very much. I cant do it on my own though & my H is very confused & believes he would be better off divorced from me & living alone. I need the intercession of heaven! Then I ask to be shown what I should say or do in order to help accomplish this enormous request. How do I recognize the signs? <p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited June 12, 2001).]

Hello. I've posted a couple of times, I've been all over, I'm not sure where I've posted to before. But right now, this seems like a thread similar to where I'm at. Today has been a real roller-coaster ride.<BR> I've come to the conclusion that I have met virtually NONE of my husband's emotional needs for a long time. He didn't complain, I thought that after 20 years we were just in a "middle age" stage,or something. Then, 2 weeks ago, he just left. Just left a note, divorce papers in the mailbox and left. I was desvasted, confused, sad, lonely, you fill in the emotion. <BR> I went to work searching the 'net for answers. That led me here. I see after reading everything written in MarriageBuilders that I have given him next to NOTHING he needed for a very long time. NO WONDER he ended up in another woman's arms. My prayer request, or question (or both) would be: how can I possibly ask for a second chance? He had nothing here. I feel there's nothing to come back to when this affair ends (and I've been assured it will end). I feel so lost. I'm sooo sorry for the hurt I put him through and wish I could explain this all to him, but I'm cut off entirely. He even has his cell phone turned off so I can't contact him.<BR> TOday has been the loneliest day of my life. Curious, too, since I always told him I was the strong, independent type, and now I'm feeling all the emotions I've made him feel for a long time.<BR>Thanx for listening.<BR>Lupo

I am praying for you, your marriage, and your husband's job situation. God Bless!

I still want to ask for prayers for the reconciliation of our marriage. My H is very confused. He has bottled up his feelings for so long the volcano is about to blow!! He has suffered immense stress for politics on the job. It has corroded his sense of self worth & he feels like a failure. His confiding in another woman instead of me brought all our troubles into the light in a BIG way! We fought before that like 2 fireballs but there had never been mention of separation or divorce before this last 1-2 months. <P>He stated other reasons previously, but the real source is stress. It has created terrible deep depression in him, that he refuses to recognize. I talked about counseling. At that time he was so upset he could not speak & just shook his head no. He said he doesnt love me, but I do not believe that is true. He is just trying to push me away. He thinks if he leaves me that he would no longer be hurting me. I told him he is my whole world, my family. (all parents deceased). He said he is a failure. I never complimented him in the past, so now if I try he says I am pretending. <BR>I think our crisis is approaching a turning point these days. <P>Please pray for us both. Pray that he can see things clearly and for his depression to be lifted quickly. Pray that he will allow himself to rely on and be comforted by me once more. (I rejected him by telling him not to talk about work). I love him so deeply and I have changed this last month or so. But my previous behaviour was not this way. He is afraid to believe or trust me again. We do not do anything together anymore, but he is still under our roof. Please pray that we will be reunited in our marriage ASAP. <P>I found Stormie OMartians "Power of a Praying Wife" book today. Though I am not really a religious person, I am ready to forgive him for hurting me & things I may not know about. I want to trust him again. I want to let go of my anger toward that other woman & not be afraid of her interfering or manipulating my husbands thoughts. I want to be pure of heart & desperately want my Husband to love me & for us to share our lives together again, soon!! WAAAH!

Today has been a really bad day for me too.<BR>What is amazing is how many affairs take place - I guess nobody has any moral "brakes" anymore. I also wonder if we were better off before we were all so independent. It used to be that men felt they had to take care of their families and they did have to. Now they just up and leave so easily. And women, too - they don't need help economically so they just leave. I know this sounds like a throwback but isn't it a coincidence that the more "liberated" and independent we are, the worse the divorce rate and out-of-wedlock child rate are. (This is true around the globe.)<P>Please, Lord, hear our prayers. Our faith is weak, we have lost the sense of right and wrong, we are living in a world which is quickly becoming more and more pagan - we need Your help to do the right thing. We need You to help us stand for our marriages. We are just not capable. I love You, Jesus. Please help us all gathered here, reading or participating actively. Bless each one of us that reads this and give us Your strength. I ask this in Your Holy name. Amen.<P><BR>