I have been married for 3 years this August, and I regret being married. My husband is an alcoholic, drug abuser, thief, liar, and possibly a cheater (but I haven't yet proved it) My problem is I married my husband, because the person that I really wanted at the time, I felt would not have me. I found out that he did. This person is my ex, we were friends for years, and began going together. This person was and continues to be very spiritual, and enjoys a good conversation, as I do. He, even though moved on, in a lot of ways, still feels the way I do. We still talk to each other to vent to each other and get things off of our chest. I enjoy talking to him and vice versa. I have been praying for God to help me focus on my husband, but my husband doesn't want to focus on God, nor me. There is so much about this situation that I could take all day. I don't know what to do about this situation.

We all go thru the grass is always greener on the other side. Many will look to people or even try to find something in Gods word out of context to twist then justify the decision they have already made. sounds like you have already made your descion. I pray God gives you wisdom and His strenth to come againts the lies the devil is now feeding you. God may be testing you to see if you will do it His way or your own. we all married the wrong person , by the way. Read the book of Hosea chapters 1-3 to see the kind of wife i have. Ive been seperated as long as you have been married. Probably be twice as long before this is over. Do you want God to be glorified by your life, or do you want to be happy at the expense of Gods glory? God can give you the husband you pray for. It will be a changed one, that you have now, if you dont give up. But first, you as well as all of us need to be changed. We need to learn to trust God will it all and follow Him, no matter how hard the road looks. I dont mean to sound hard sister. Just trying to open your eyes to the lies of the devil. And yes, the devil will use your husband effectivly againts you in the scheme of things. Pray for him, and his soul. You may be the only one that will. Nothing is too great for God to handle<BR>Mark

I have to agree that I think you might be playing with fire here. You are married to this man. It doesn't matter who is in your past - you are married to your husband. I think you need to break contact with your ex and focus on your husband. As long as you talk to your ex, you are being tempted to destroy your marriage.<P>Your husband needs you. He may feel in his heart that you are cheating on him (and you sort of are, mentally) and it may cause him to behave even worse. It is so hard to be married to someone who isn't a believer (I am in that situation) but for some reason, you did marry him in front of the Lord.<P>Try to think of all the good things your husband has done. Ask God to help you to love him. Ask God to lead your husband to Him. <P>If you can't let go of your ex, then pray every day until the Lord gives you that strength. Look for a friend to pray with you (female!!) Confide in a priest or minister.<P>As long as you dwell in temptation and do nothing to stop it, the Lord will NOT listen to your prayers. At least pray that your desire for him ceases.<P>God bless you and keep you close to His Heart. You are in my prayers.<P>

Hello, lostpup, I hope that I am doing this correctly, but I am new to this. I understand about the "grass being greener", however, I have prayed, and prayed, and the more I pray, the worse my husband behaves. We've been through counseling, and I continue to give and give and give. I continue to submit and try to encourage him. He does nothing and seems to be happy and content. This does not necessarily have anything to do with my ex, but my love for my ex was there before my husband. It was before I even dated my husband. When I had the opportunity to go back to my ex, two months after we broke up, I was too afraid of telling him just how I felt because of pride, on my behalf. My ex was wonderful, he was spiritually and emotionally supportive. My husband lied his way into my life, and I mean that literally, and we began our relationship with sex (which I regret terribly) I actually ended up with him because I didn't think that anyone else would want me. I wanted to go back to my ex, long before my husband. I think about my ex even when my husband and I have our short moments of happiness. Doesn't matter what kind of day I'm having. But I have prayed that God would deal with me on this situation because I want to do the right thing. I want to be into my marriage, but I can't really guarantee that my thoughts of my ex will go away, because we have shared so much with each other. I want to thank you so much for responding. Tiffany<BR> <p>[This message has been edited by mipraer (edited May 18, 2001).]

Hello Tryingtohope:<BR>I realize that I am married now,so does my ex, but we could always talk because we were friends before dating. I have always been close to his family. My best friend is his sister. I have tried not talking altogether to my ex (we hardly talk much anyway--maybe once per month if that) I've tried to focus on my husband, I am still trying, because I don't want to do the wrong thing. I understand that he needs me and I have needed him. Yes, you are correct in that his heart thinks I am cheating, but I believe that he is using it as an excuse. My husband claims that he believes in God but actions speak louder. I discussed my feelings with him, and he seems insensitive to anything I say. I extend my hand to him and he just looks at it(figuratively speaking). The only time I can get his attention is when sex is involved, that's all he wants from me. My pastor says that I should stick it out. I am sticking it out, and nothing is happening. Things just continue to worsen. I married my husband because I was pregnant and he didn't want our child to be born out of wed-lock. As far as the GOOD things he has done: the list is very, very low. Even before we were married he cheated on me. He has sold everything that was worth money in our home (my mother's home) to buy drugs, including my father's wedding band. He has taken our car(which my mother put in her name for us to have), hacked for money to buy more drugs several times. He left me last year for three months to be with his mother. But I stuck it out, and I took him back. He is constantly making my mother angry, because we live with her, and all he does is blow his paycheck on himself, pays no bills, doesn't help around the house. I told him, that he doesn't have to work, I just want him to stop drinking, smoking, doing drugs and develop a relationship with God...that's it. He tried to sleep with my sister-in-law (his brother's wife) and I have reason to believe that he has, and I'm still praying for him, and I'm still here with him. My prayers have been all you said and more, because I always try to pray for him. I am so tired, but I want him to do what God wants, I want to do what God wants, but I am hurting. I have a prayer partner, and she and I are getting together tonight after rehearsal to pray and focus on God. I'm never worried about having male prayer partner's because I don't want anyone else. My heart remains with my ex, and I want God to strengthen and help me while I go through. I have tried to do many things, to solve this problem I have, and it's the reason for my writing. Thank you so much for replying to my message. God Bless you.<P><p>[This message has been edited by mipraer (edited May 18, 2001).]

Hi Tiff, My wifes drug and gambling habits cost me about 50,000 dollars. Yes i have thought about my ex during my seperation. Anything to get out of this hell, but i stuck it out and after 3 years of hell, my wife and i are falling in love again, acually more than before, and she has turned her heart back to Jesus. As far as your husband getting worse, well you mentioned your mother lived there. If she is not supportive of your marriage and your husband, then he will grow very angry. The reason my wife hasnt had the courage to come back to me yet is because of her mother not being supportive at all, and im not saying my situation is the same, its not. My wife left with an ex con junkie to shot dope, i was a good husband although i made some mistakes, but her mother should be full of joy for me to be back in her life and isnt.anyway my point is, your husband feels like hes being double teamed and that will make even the nicest man angry. Try some marriage counciling first. Preferably thru a pastor. Keep trusting God and let Him lead you to the next step and remember, its going to be in His time, not yours.<BR>Mark

Hi Mipraer,<BR>You are something. I guess God wants so much from you. I admire you for trying to pray and to stick it out with your husband. I think these situations are the very hardest and I don't know if I would be as strong as you are if I walked in your shoes.<P>Still I think you are on the right path - not giving up hope, going forward, staying married under unbelievable stress. You are like a martyr in this situation.<P>I pray for your husband to soften. I pray for you not to be tempted by your ex. This is a messy situation and very difficult. Just the type that will bring many sinners back to God. That's why you are having so much trouble and your husband gets worse the more you pray. The enemy doesn't want any victory for the Lord so he keeps pulling on your husband.<P>I understand that your ex is sort of your lifeline - the glimmer in your difficult days. But I do think it's actually a temptation and your husband feels your heart is not with him. Try to get your mind focused only on God. Ask God to show you if He wants you to stay married to your husband and how he wants you to love your husband. He will show you the way. Listen to your minister. He is an authority over you in the Lord. <P>If you can't love your husband, don't worry. I think God can understand why. But do pray to forgive him, at least. Pray not to be angry at him. Pray to know how to reach him. He's hiding behind drugs and bad deeds. He's scared. He might even be scared of losing you so he treats you badly. Then when he has chased you off, he can feel sorry for himself and blame you for his problems.<P>Lord, this is a heart-breaking situation. Help Mipraer to overcome all the temptation in her life. Bless her and lift her up to Your Sacred Heart. Allow her to feel Your peace. Remind her that only You can fill her heart. I ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. Amen.<P>

Hello Mark,<BR>You know, it's funny that you should mention my mother, and actually, my mother has been the best mom to him since the beginning of this. She took my husband in before we were dating, because he got put out of his girlfriend's mother's house. My mother got very attached to him, in that, she felt that he was a sweet person. My mother paid him to do work around the house, because my husband is a Jack-of-All- Trades handyman. My mother is a very sweet person, and she has taken so much from my husband. He has taken money hidden in my mother's drawers. Hidden drug stuff and bottles in her house and she never asks him for money towards bills, he doesn't help out around the house too often and she still loves him regardless. My mother supports our marriage, she wants him to get his life together, stop lying and take care of his family. Believe it or not she doesn't want to see us separate. Actually, my husband's mother doesn't like ME, and supported him (paid his way)leaving me to stay with her in Florda. When she got tired of him, she asked him why was he living with her, and finally encouraged him to go home back to his family, and get his life straight. She is an alcoholic also. We were going through counseling with our pastor, and my husband has been making every excuse not to go. There are so many men at our church who have been through exactly what he is going through and have been calling him, encouraging him to come to fellowship with them, but he doesn't seem to want to. I realize that God has the final say but I don't know where to go next, which is what I praying for. Tiffany<P>

Hi Tryingtohope:<BR>Thank you so much for your prayer. My prayer partner says that I need deliverance from self-guilt. I'm learning that when you harbor feelings of guilt, anger, and bitterness, it can block us from receiving blessings from God. My relationship with Christ is staggering because of this situation. I have been feeling guilty about not telling my ex how I really felt when I had the opportunity, and that when I had the chance to mend things with him, I backed out because of fear. I believe that my whole thing was, I broke up with my ex because of petty things. Now I am dealing with something that I have never dealt with, which is drugs and alcohol abuse. My ex, actually has been praying with me for my marriage and for my husband in particular. For a short time, my husband was living with my ex and his parents. My ex is a very sweet, godly person, and he doesn't want to see me unhappy, but he is not the kind of person who would interfere with my marriage or any marriage. We talk because we always enjoyed it, and we could always pray together when we were dating. I do still love him very much, and I believe that he still loves me, but we know our boundaries. It was one of the things I loved about him. He is trustworthy.<p>[This message has been edited by mipraer (edited May 21, 2001).]

Hi Tiff, yes it is very hard to deal with a drug addict. I know all to well. It turns them into chronic liers. They get to the point where they believe the lies and you get to the point where every word from there mouths are lies. He is gripped by the devil, with the dope. He is going to have to hit bottom, and my dear He will. Thats the good thing about drug addicts, they hit bottom sooner than most people. Bottom meaning you turn your life back to the Lord. All else follows after that. I wish i had his mother in law. <BR>Dear Lord i lift Tiffeny up to you that you would give her strenth to make it thru these trials and that she would grow close to you Lord and trust in you with it all. Nothing is to great or too hard for you Lord to handle. Lord, have mercy but be firm with her husband when you turn his life back to you. Lord, take away the fun with his drugs. May Tiffany be full of the Love of Jesus and make her husband ashamed and repent for what he has done. Lord , we commit this marriage to you. Its yours Lord, you build it now upon your Rock, Jesus Christ, so the enemy cant come and destroy no more. Give Tiffany your rest as she patiently waits on you Lord to heal and restore. In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark

To Lostpup:<BR> <BR>Hello Mark,Thank you so much, God bless you for praying for me. On yesterday, my husband took a co-worker out and got drunk, then came to pick me up from work, his reply was "Well, I didn't do DRUGS!". Today, he got paid, and I fear that he may not come to pick me up from work or our child from day care(as he has done this several times before) I have made the decision to detach myself from my husband, NOT divorce, a separation, because God is showing me that there is a hinderance in our home. My husband is not accepting of the Lord at this time. I know that cannot force God on him, nor can I make him quit smoking, drinking, and doing drugs, lying or stealing. I have been so unhappy in this situation, since the birth of our son, and while in some ways I don't want to let him go, he just seems so comfortable in his mess and doesn't want to change. So, I am going to let him go, to hit bottom, and pray that he allow God to move in his life. I know that God's hands are there to catch him. I just need to let go. I know that I am not strong enough to deal with his addiction because I fall everytime I deal with him, and I end up doing what he wants me to. I am praying that he opens his heart to Christ. That he allows God to show him, who he is, then he will desire God and want to make those changes for God, himself and his family. I would be so grateful if you would continue to pray for me. Tiffany

Dear Lord, I pray that You help Tiffany do what she needs to do. Let her know what Your will is. Help her to protect her son and herself. Give her the strength to overcome all temptation. Lord, help her husband to find strength in You to overcome his addictions. Lead him by the hand back to a straight life. He is so weak, Lord. Please give Tiffany peace in her heart when she does Your will so she can discern what it is You ask her to do. Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings in her life, especially for her son. Let him grow up to be a great Christian. I ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.

Hi Tiffany, you seem to be finding strenth from the Lord and are acting with wisdom with the situation. God bless you. Dear Lord, i pray that you would continuse to touch Tiffanys heart and give her strenth to trust and believe nothing is to great for you to handle and restore. I pray Lord that you would give her the mind and heart of Christ and draw very close to her Lord. Lord i pray that you would bring her husband to a quick bottom so he turns his life to you Jesus, and back to his wife and family. In Jesus name, Amen. Read Psalm 34 and 37, they have really helped me thru a lot of my trials when i was down and discouraged. <BR>Mark

It's amazing how things happen when we pray. My husband never came to pick me up last week. I found out the next day that he had been out drinking and drugging all night. He ended up leaving our car at our church and one of the deacons at the church took the keys and let him walk. He caught a ride from my sister in law to my house, and I had already packed his bags. I simply said to him, he needs to leave if he doesn't want to get help, and he can't get help and stay either, because we've been there before. He found the help and is now in another state in an in-patient rehab program. Thank you so much for your prayers. Tiffany<BR>

Hi Tiffany, sometimes when we stop enabling them, thats all it takes for them to finally hit bottom. It took me 2 years to learn this with my wife, but once i did, it brought us closer together than further apart. We always fear loosing them if we tell them, this is the way its is, go get help. They know we still love them, and are not rejecting them, its just now they know we will not enable them and baby them. Praise God your husband is in treatment. Its a good start, but it wont be the cure all, so be warned. Continue to trust God, even when it looks like all is well. Pray always and never stop, even wen God compleatly restoress your marriage. I pray the Lord gives you the strenth peace and encouragment along the way to make it thru this to the glory of God. In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark

I praise God that He has reached your husband so quickly. I find it very significant that he left the car at the church. God is really with you. Keep trusting Him with the situation and keep praying with your prayer partner. You are doing great!!<P>Jesus, thank You for showing him what he needs to do. Thank You for giving Tiffany the clarity of mind to know how to reach him and to get him to help himself. Help her down this road and alway let her feel Your Holy Divine Presence. Amen.

My husband has been in a rehab facility in Florida. God has really been speaking to me through my ordeal with my husband. I know what I need to do, and I have been doing it. I have been applying my faith in God, and in Him only, I am learning to let go, and not out of anger, but out of love. I don't know if he'll ever come back, because he's already made a decision to stay longer via his therapist and his own personal feelings, but I'm not upset anymore, and I'm not going to worry anymore. I am placing everything in God's hands. I'm off to church. Thank you for all your prayers. Tiffany