Those of you that have been following my posts, know the story, well short version I am a recovering drunk, stuffed feelingd felt that I was not good eneough, became verbally abusive lied a lot lost wife and family. I am now how ever working harder than I have ever worked on anything in my life to break this viscous cycle for ME! But I am so scared and feel so lonely right now that it is all I can do each day to not stuff all this and run into my emotional hole. I pray to God every morning for the stregnth. But it is still a very real struggle everyday. Part of it that I am so in love with my wife yet we have no contact. I am now able to feel the pain that I have caused and I was told the other night that she spent an hour crying on a good friends shoulder, part was I am so hurt that I made her cry still, and part was it wasnt my shoulder. I WILL NOT GIVE UP!! I WILL TRUST IN GOD!!

Ridensober, you are so great. Don't you ever give up because you are making the most amazing turnaround. Your wife isn't ready for you yet. You keep polishing yourself as you have been, staying away from situations that lead you to sin, telling the truth even when it hurts, loving and forgiving and your cup is just going to overflow.<P>In my struggle, I have realized I need anti-depressants or I get so down I can't get out of bed. This is not because of a lack of faith - it's just a bad situation and my body needs help to handle it. I feel so much lighter and can face my situation with determination and even joy for the changes I see in my own heart. If you need help, don't feel bad about seeing a doctor. The Lord has given us other people to help us. We are not meant to suffer alone. I would suggest you really see a doctor because it will help you face the battle.<P>Remember that Mary Magdalene had 7 demons in her, yet according to the gospel, she was the first one that Jesus appeared to after the Resurrection. There is a message here: the Lord forgives EVERYTHING. <P>You are like the prodigal son to him, the lost sheep. All of Heaven is celebrating your turnaround. Don't be sad - rejoice. Your life is about to be beautiful.<P>Take care and God bless you.

Ridensober,<P>God is working in you, don't lose faith. It doesn't matter what you did in the past. You are a new creation in Christ Jesus. God will restore your marriage but it will take time for healing to take place. Your pain is molding you. I know it is easy to become discouraged. I am discouraged a lot. I get back to God's words and promises and it helps me. Remember God is in CHARGE and He can do ANYTHING. <BR>Praise Him,<P>gentle