Hello, My H told me about the OW at the beginning of the year. We have a daughter who is in elementary school. He continues to sleep here about 3 nights a week but makes no secret with me that he sleeps with her the other nights(we are in separate bedrooms now.) I have been very nice to him and stopped pretty much all arguing. He says he doesn't love me and hasn't loved me for 10 years. He wants to be a good father so he comes back for my daughter. He has told me many times he cares about me but doesn't love me and has no interest at all in getting back together.<P>At this point, I am wondering what is best for me and my daughter. It is unsettling to never be sure when he is coming home. Every time he leaves, it hurts me. I am depressed about the situation and trying to deal with it. (Taking anti-d's and praying.)<P>I would like to have him just leave and visit my daughter on a schedule because I am not sure it's good for any of us. On the other hand, I don't want to kick him out, either, and I most of all don't want to traumatize my daughter.<P>He is not a believer at all and has no desire to know God. I am not interested in meeting anyone or getting married again. I don't mind waiting to see if he comes back but I would also like to be able to make plans and have some rules. The stress is getting to me and I want to be good and strong for my daughter who needs me. I would appreciate anyone's point of view, and particularly, any prayers. We are going to a lawyer tomorrow at my husband's request, to see what the law says.<P>Thanks for any advice you can give.

Hello Trying, my best advice is to give it all to God. Under the circumstances, if H is still seeing other woman he needs to stay out of your life except for spending time with your daughter. I would continue to pray for his salvation, that may be all you can do right now for him. The Holy Spirit will let you know the direction you need to go in. You loose your peace when you go in the wrong direction. The enemy will try to confuse you by giving you circumstances that will affect your peace. I pray God gives you wisdom as he will graciously give to those who ask. may the Lord save your husbands soul thru all this and may God get great glory from the destrution the enemy meant to cause. Hosea 1-3 would be good to read. His wife was unsaved and unfaithful. God restored that marriage. I now believe my wife never acually knew the Lord and accepted Him until 2 months ago. God still answers prayer and still does miracles. My prayers and love are with you dear sister. In Jesus Name, Amen<BR>Mark

Thank you Mark.It was an emotional time at the lawyer's but my husband cried too and I think it was good for both of us. I pray constantly for his soul and I have faith God won't let me be alone without him in Heaven. He will find a way to reach him.<P>Thank you again - it means everything to me to have someone care.

Trying, I can tell you love your husband dearly. You are a wonderful example of the Love of the Lord to him. The Lords hand is on this, Trust in Jesus. He will see you thru all of this, and His name will be glorified by your life. Sometimes you have to let it All go to God without giving up on a miracle. I pray that the Lord shows you the balence in all this and that He gives you all the encouragement along the way to have hope and Joy. It is Gods will to restore your marriage, and save your husbands soul. The devil is a lier. He can do nothing to you that God wont allow. Trust the Lord, and not the circumstances. Lord Jesus, Hear tryings cry for her husband Lord. Her heart is broken not only in her marriage, but her husbands very soul. Lord, you say in your word that you will not give us more than we could handle and Lord i know deep in my spirit Trying could not handle her husband not makin it to heaven. Give her reasurrence Lord that you are still in control, and always will be. Lord i ask that you would speak encouragment to her heart, and give her your rest. Comfort your daughter Lord. Direct her paths. You are a God of great Love and mercy. In Jesus name, Amen

Trying,<P>sorry I didn't post sooner, was going to but, my H showed up with the girls about that time. I have also been trying to find a place to live and pack, my heart is not really wanting to do either. I know what you mean abut the giving up part. I am so tired through all of this and it just seems to get worse at times. But, I don't beileve we can give up. God has put such a strong love in our hearts for or husbands that giving up is not something we really can do.If you know what I mean? <P>My husband is ot living with me and when he comes to see or get the girls and then brings them back, it hurts all over again. So him moving out will not help. You will still miss him and long for him to come "home".<P>You do have the restore bookks, don't you? Reread them. This always helps me. I know it is hard to give it all to God. I work at it everyday. I too will be glad when I get through this fire. Things are pretty scarey right now. I have no idea where we will be in two weeks. I do believe God will provide for us. My heart is being ripped out little by little. I have to keep my eyes on the Lord or I will loose my mind. I pray for you all here and I believe if we hold on and wait on the Lord, He will deliver us. He <BR>doesn't want us to feel depressed. This too shall pass. <P>In Him,<BR>gentle

It seems as though my husband is going to leave. The lawyer will make up a written agreement that is not a separation but just between us regarding the house, visitation, splitting up the bank accounts, etc. I am really sad about it, although I think maybe this is the only way to start repairing our lives. My husband needs to see that I can do things on my own. He needs to feel what the absence of family means. He has had his cake for a long time now.<P>Mark, thank you again for your prayers and help. You lift me up every time and this is a really bad time.<P>Gentle, I am so glad to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing. My heart is very heavy although I still know how to have fun with my daughter. You're right; I am going to miss him every single time. Every time he left the house I felt "left". I guess both my daughter and I are going to feel that way every weekend... I pray for you and I'm sure something will turn up but I can imagine how difficult this is for you. You are not going to go lose control - you are very resourceful and you will figure it out with the help of Jesus. Is your husband turning a little? My husband did cry at the lawyer's and the other night so his heart is not totally stone toward me and particularly not toward our daughter.<P>What do you all think about the Plan B idea? Is it anti-Christian or a good way to have someone miss you? I am a little torn about it and not so convinced from a spiritual point of view. So far I have just been extra nice. "Disappearing" (breaking all contact) seems a little difficult when you have a child and seems like sort of a bad example to her. On the other hand, it is kind of appealing because it's logical. I'm sure he would miss me if I really left but I don't know if he would harden or soften. I guess I feel I have a lot of defensiveness and feistiness to make up for so I'd better stick to being nice.<BR>

Plan B or "disappearing" is only when you feel the love you have for your H disappearing. As long as you can Plan A or "be nice" his love bank will continue to grow towards you. The fact his heart is not stone, evidenced by his emotion at the lawyer's office, is a wonderful sign. Continue on your course of Plan A until you feel you need Plan B to protect what love you have left. You will know when that time comes. It sounds as if you are going about this the right way.

Thank you, Janie. Today was a horrible day unfortunately. I think I am physically wiped out by all the emotions and my job is keeping me away till late at night. I miss my daughter, I feel terrible about being away from her, especially now and I don't know what to do. I have to trust God and maybe look closer to home for a job but it won't be easy. I am upset and mad today plus feeling guilty - an emotional cocktail. I appreciate your reply and I'll try to remember it. Today my love for my H was disappearing quick...but it was me that was just off.

Hello Trying, ive been on that emotional rolercoaster myself lately. My emotions switch gear rapidly. I go from crying and sadness to anger. Im angry at my family. They are cold cruel selfish people. My sister is ignoring me, and hasnt let me see my son, cause i told her im taking him away from her now. Sometimes i want to just throw in the towel on it all. Thats what the enemy wants, so i wont. Although i want to give up at times, when i think about doing that i get even more depressed. Oh Lord i lift my sister and all of us struggling with this battle between heaven and hell. I pray Lord that you would give us all strenth to make it all the way in our fights for restoration of our broken homes. God i know nothing is too great for you to handle and that you will never leave us or forsake us. Your word says you hate divorce Lord, so i stand with you on this. I will have faith Lord , that if you hate divorce, than you will answer our prayers and heal. Hurry up Lord, many of us grow weary. In Jesus name, Amen

Thank you so much.<P>I will keep trying the Plan A. Now we have been to this lawyer and we are going to make a plan about visitation. He will get my daughter every two weekends plus once during the week. I am very sad but you have all lifted me up to keep trying and not give up. I needed this help - so thank you.

I am supposed to go back to the lawyer tomorrow but I don't want to. I just can't do it. I am going to call and cancel. I am going on a pilgrimage and prayer retreat to Medjugorje (in Croatia.) I will pray for everybody on the forum. IF anyone wants a special prayer, email me at: mediaesports@libero.it.<P>I need to get some more strength and feel the presence of the Lord and His mother. A lot of people I know come back totally renewed and recommited. I am going to ask for restoration and conversion and for the gift of prayer. (It is so hard to get the concentration I need to pray sometimes.)<P>I am so happy to go...

YOU WROTE:" Sometimes i want to just throw in the towel on it all. Thats what the enemy wants, so i wont"<P>Mark! You KNOW this is Satan's plan!! You KNOW you are SOOOO close to victory now. That's why the attacks are getting more fierce. Hang in there!! DON'T give up now....you are SOOO close to victory...I know it's true. God will show you. God will give you the strength to hold on, just a little while longer. Please. Lean on Him harder. You can do it. You are so close to victory.<P>This is true to all of us....when the attacks are stepped up, when things seems to get good, and then go downhill in a steep decline, it's because we are making headway. Stay the course. Keep the faith. Believe. Pray. Stand your ground.<P>Praise Him in all things........<P>Lupo

I agree totally with Mark and do not feel I need to add anything except say a prayer<P>Carol<BR>