H and I have been living together again since last September. Eight months!! Can't believe it. This after two years of miserable times. I've posted before about the strain our youngest child is placing on our relationship. We have vowed not to let it, but H was very upset with me yesterday.<P>Our son was always a good student/athlete in H.S. Always seemed to show responsibility until our relationship started to falter his senior year. That's when subtle changes started. Went to college and did great first semester. Second semester was not good. He really got depressed and in with the wrong crowd. Got into drugs. Almost flunked out. Went to summer school and pulled up grades enough to stay in for fall. This fall/spring same story. He then informed us he only went back to school in the spring to "get us off his back". I gave him the letter stating he had tomake the deficiency up in summer school and he threw it in the trash.<P>He called me at work two weeks ago very upset and said he "had to talk to someone". I gave him the 800 number for our mental healthcare provider, as my boss was here and I had customers. He arranged his first counseling session and goes back tomorrow. He told me he told counselor about pot use, etc. and said he told counselor if he told him he had to quit, he wouldn't go back. Said counselor told him they'd "work on it". <P>He has been ignoring some bills, i.e., credit card and cell phone. The cell phone he got for this girl who has been nothing but bad news to this family since she entered his life in H.S. She followed him here to where we live now and all they do is fight. He has the phone back, but there is an o/s bill of around $200.00. He told me he knows the bills are there, but why open them when you don't have any money to pay them with. He is working and he told me how much he makes, what $$goes for -- gas, food and few items he buys (does pot come into the picture? I think so). He did say he was getting another job with more hours/pay, so that is progress. He asked me to cash in some of his investment account just to get caught up on the bills. I did a trade and we paid his o/s bills. <P>My H is furious about me doing that. He also is mad because we talked and it undermined anything he wanted to say. I didn't mean to do that. I just caught him when he was home and the conversation just got started.<P>Bottom line is son gets belligerant with both of us, especially his dad about ANYTHING we confront him with. I have written aletter to the counselor he is seeing with background and asking that he suggest joint family counseling when son begins not to feel threatened by us. All I can hope is that son will continue going.<P>I had the talk with s about the importance of good credit, etc. I also told him there would be no more sales out of investment account because some day he will want to go back to school and we aren't borrowing anymore $$ for that. <P>I know I need to make him be responsible and suffer the consequences of bad credit, etc. and I believe I am now at the point where I will let him. I also have to pray daily about the feelings (or lack thereof) I have for my son. I did feel sorry for him when I asked what made him happy and when was the last time he was happy. His response was "for more than a day or two at a time? Junior year of H.S." That's pretty bad. As the old saying goes, he has depleted my love tank with all his lies, deceptions and attitude of hate towards us. Yes, he is living at home now and I wish I could pay his rent somewhere. I would if I could afford it, believe me. He says he wants out but can't afford to move right now. I told him if he continued to smoke pot everyday he would never be able to. Big argument.<P>I'm to the point now I miss my family so much, as they were my support. I can't let the stress of this child make me resentful towards H because I moved to be here with him and left my family. <P>Please pray for the Lord to touch my son's heart in order to let him see he will never be happy without Christ in his heart. Pray for my heart to be healed and give me the strength to love him with tough love. <P>Thanks for your prayers.<P>

Dear Janie, im coming from a perspective of that i was once where your son is at. Real close and at 19 i finally talked my mom into cashing me out my savings that she had a joint account with me. I went and bought a pound of Pot and sold some and smoked the rest with my Girl friend, whom i also fought with most of the time. yeah Mom keeped helping me out when i was in trouble and at least i was honest and told her i need rent money cause i was doin the right thing and not dealing dope anymore and i spent my money on dope for myself. Sad story , but true. Their came that day when i was let go, like the prodigal son, and i did some serious growin up and always remembered the Lord. Im 38 now and have a wife that was a lot like i was when i was younger. Go figure. Im very close to the Lord now and its my poor mother who is backsliden now, after the divorce from my dad. Anyway my point is, let your son go, and allow God to finish healing your marriage. Always continue to pray for your son and trust God to turn his heart to the Lord someday, and He will, God is faithful. You and your husband need to be strong to show your son how to persevere in a marriage, cause someday he will be married and he will no doubt have many problems. I pray the Lord continues to watch over your son and that He gives you the strenth to let go and rest in knowing its all in Gods hands.In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark

Hi Janie,<P>I agree that you have to put your husband first and your marriage first and your son is interfering. Is it possible to go talk to the counselor with just you and your husband? If you have a common defense against him, a common way of handling him, a common way of punishing him and a common way of loving him that your husband agrees to (let him think it's his idea), I think your son can actually pull you together.<P>Jesus, Janie has been so faithful, so trusting of You and has prayed for so many of us. Please take her in Your arms and hold her close. Allow her to have peace so she can handle the difficulties with her son and draw closer to You and to her husband. Help her husband to appreciate her and to love her more and more each day, as You asked husbands to do. Praise and glory to You for all You have already done in Janie's life. You are the Lord and nothing is impossible for You. Amen.<P><BR>

Hi Janie I have been reading your words of encouragement to the others in this section and I thank God for you. Life gets so hard especailly when you have felt betrayed and isolated for so long. It is too bad that time doesn't stand still when life gets like this. I am afraid of what the future holds we're not getting any younger. I have been implementing Plan A and I will continue implementing Plan A. Somedays are okay, others are pure hell. I Pray that God gives us all strength and foritude to carry on. Father help us to think scripturally and be positive throughout the day. Help us to realize that we are not responsible for our mates behavior. Help us to remain in your will. Thank you God for all your blessings that you bestow upon us. Thank you for your grace and your son, Jesus and thank you for Janie. Father, Please help us! <BR>

Hi Janie-<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. No matter what happens, keep those prayers going up for your son. There's nothing like the prayer of a parent for a child. The devil is a liar and he only comes to kill, steal, and destroy. He's using your son to get to you and your husband. The devil knows if he can break up families, he can break up neiborhoods, churches, and communities, but thank God that greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. As long as we have God on our side, the devil is a defeated foe. What the devil meant for evil, God will use for good.<P><BR>Hugs,<BR>Roxy