I am so glad you found Marriage Builders! It is not too late! I am praying for you, and for God to heal & restore your marriage. With God all things are possible!

Thank you, LuvBug,<BR> It's good to hear you say those things. You know, so many people on these discussion groups have been through all this, and they sometimes advise me to "throw in the towel" admit the marriage is over, and "get on with my life" - excuse me, but it's only been 2 weeks. I think that's "pulling the plug" a little prematurely? Maybe they DO know things I don't - like how this thing ends, but I'm sure I've got to go through all the same experiences everyone else does, all the same emotions and steps...like it or not.<BR> I appreciate your prayers. But this is not exactly my prayer, but close! I want to be obedient to God. I am praying God will make me the person He is trying to make me through this. I am praying He will speak to me, and help me do His will through this. I am praying my husband hears God's voice through this. Although I don't believe God wants us divorced, I am willing to give him up if that is God's will for us. I know I did not act as a proper wife for him. I have confessed those things.<BR> I would like God to heal our marriage and give us both another chance, too. But I haven't been able to pray for that leap yet!! I just know that my husband is wandering in the wilderness listening to the many voices of people who do not have his best interests at heart, the way God does. So I am praying for Intercession for him - that his heart will be able to hear God through the roar of the world, and its worldly attractions.<BR> Make no mistake, we weren't "holy rollers" or anything, in fact hadn't been to church in waaaay too long before this happened. But we (me AND he) knew God wanted us there. In fact, the week-end before he left, he said to me (out of the blue one Friday or Saturday) - we really have to start going back to church. I agreed, but then we didn't. :-(<BR> Lupo<BR> P.S. I LOVE Marriage Builders!

Dear Lupolady, welcome and this is a good place to be. Many of us have been standing for a long time and God has been faithful to bring about changes thru faith and prayer. If i had a nickle for everytime i heard someone tell me to learn to be unforgiving, bitter and angry and just get on with my life and divorce like they did i would be rich. Im on 3 years seperation and have been seeing my wife and we are falling in love with each other again for the last 8 months. She has manic depression and was a junkie, so this has been a very hard road, and at times seemingly without a shread of hope. when my wife finally got clean and sober and started taking her meds, she realized that i still loved her and forgave her and it broke her down and amazed her, and she feel in love with me again. The Lord really helped me thru this all and helped me to forgive and healed my broken heart in a way that amazes me. I still dont understand it. Most tell me that im just setting myself up for another broken heart as i have many times during my seperation, but ya know i dont care. I dont worry about that anymore, i have learned to Trust God with it all and not all the voices of discouragment that you will hear in this situation. Faith is believing in things not yet seen. I believe the Lord will honor someone standing for their marriage and will heal wonderfully , but in His time, of course. God can be slow, by our perception and i still dont like it though. Oh well. May the Lord give you strenth to see this thru to victory in Christ Jesus.<BR>Mark

Thanks, Lostpup.<BR> It means a lot to hear someone else's story, and know it's been a hard road, but there IS a light at the end of the tunnel...I know God is faithful to his children. I know God hates divorce. I know God answers prayers. I'm clinging to these beliefs.<BR> You know, I came on this forum this morning to get off it! I was going to tell all who were giving me "advice" that I didn't accept their advice to "throw in the towel and get on with it" and I wasn't going to post any more, and just slug it out in isolation. I see that even without praying to God, He sent me an inspiration in the form of your post to me, and I will hang in there, and here, and post from time to time to stay strong.<BR> You do the same. It sounds like God is getting ready to give you something very wonderful. Your wonderful wife back the way she should be! Praise Him.<BR> Lupo<P>

Amen Lupo, good to hear youve been encouraged. I believe there was at least a time or two when i wanted to do the same thing and throwm in the towel and tell everybody to kiss my you know what. But praise God He alsways knows when to encourage us at the right times. Usually for me, it from someone whos been there or is like us still there. My situation isnt over, but at least now i can see Gods hand in it all and im moving in the direction of restoration. The enemy is workin overtime also and has set my entire family againts me. Their in Gods hands and i do pray He has mercy on them for there unholy agenda's. I pray the Lord keeps you under His wing and gives you the strenth and courage to believe He can work a miracle in your marriage. In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark

lupolady, I'm what many call an "old timer" on this forum. When the forum started, the principals of marriage builders were more of the focus than they are now. The purpose of marriage builders isn't to throw in the towel and give up - but to save the marriage through long term (and life long) change in attitude towards one another and meeting each others' needs. The marriage didn't go sour in two weeks, so it surely won't be fixed in two weeks. My journey towards reconciliation was two years, and we are one year into recovery. I was very impatient and wanted a "quick fix" to everything. I truly feel had I not found this site I would not be back with my husband, because of my impatience. Take care and keep posting!

"The marriage didn't go sour in two weeks, so it surely won't be fixed in two weeks." <BR>Thank you, Janie, for your uplifting words. These are the kinds of things I thought I would hear in this forum, NOT people telling me, "It's over, time to move on, get on with your life, don't waste your time..." I was VERY discouraged when I read those things. I cried. I went back the MB Home Page and RE-read all the concepts that I had found SO enlightening and encouraging when I first found this site. I was honestly going to quit posting and reading on line, until I read the sweet words of "Lostpup" and realized not everyone felt as that one poster to me did.<P>"I truly feel had I not found this site I would not be back with my husband, because of my impatience."<BR>This is exactly the way I feel!! I now know many, MANY things I did so wrong, things that drove my dear husband away. He fought it so hard (now I know by looking back and thinking about things that happened, and things he said). He was trying to tell me he was being lured (tempted?) away, but I didn't respond, basically thinking that because he was telling me this, he had handled it! I didn't realize he needed me to back him up, to encourage him to keep up the fight - AND TO FIGHT FOR HIM, AND SHOW HIM THE LOVE AND ENCOURAGEMENT that he evidently thinks he's now found in someone else's arms. I made A LOT of mistakes, but I have confessed them, and I know God has forgiven me. I pray for the day when I can take my husband in my arms and tell HIM how sorry I am and ask his forgiveness. <BR> Granted, he made mistakes, too! But that is a work God is doing in HIM. All I can do now is fix myself and wait on God's perfect timing. I know my husband will be back. Our marriage was NOT "Irretrievably Broken" like it says on the divorce paper. He is just hurt, and lonely, and depressed and confused (and a lot of that IS my fault).<BR> Thanks for your support and encouragement. <BR> Lupo<P>

It is too bad that time doesn't stand still when life gets like this. I am afraid of what the future holds we're not getting any younger. I have been implementing Plan A and I will continue implementing Plan A. Somedays are okay, others are pure hell. I Pray that God gives us all strength and foritude to carry on. Help us to think scripturally and be positive throughout the day. Help us to realize that we are not responsible for our mates behavior. Help us to remain in your will. Thank you God for your blessings that you bestow upon us. Thank you for your grace and your son, Jesus. Father, Please help us! <BR>

Lupo, i can relate to getting so discouraged when people told me to get on with my life. Move on, forget her, etc etc. It acually angered me at times, especially when i heard it from my friends from church whom i akse to pray that God would restore.(left that church)I believe when you feel offended by those who tell ya to do as they did and move on, thats Gods Holy Spirit in you being greived and the Lords telling you to follow Him and not the way of the world. Ive tried giving up a few times and i lost my peace and had a hard time facing the Lord, cause i knew deep in my spirit that God wants me to trust Him to heal my marriage and wife, and yes even me, and thru all this i realized how much i myself needed healing in many different areas. Im on 3 years of seperation, and my wife is getting the help she needs for manic depression and drug addiction and we have been seeing each other intimatly and as best friends for 7 months now and our relationship is just growing. I can now say God has started to put our marriage back together. I can see it now! Its not finished yet, but the Lord always finishe's what He has started. Now the enemy will tell ya differently along the way, but I am learning to ignore the devils lies and keep my focus on Jesus. Lord i lift up my sister Lupo, that you would make it very clear to her that its all in your hands Lord and that she is to fully trust you Lord to heal her marriage and wait upon you Lord in your time. Give her rest and strenth in you Lord and may you bless her Lord with a close relationship with you that no troubles could ever compare to the Glory of you Lord. In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.<BR>David was in a cave for years wanted dead or alive. There were time's when you read the psalms that you can see David had a hard time believing he would some day become a King. Yet David made it thru his trials and Trusted God with all he had and eventually became King. One of Davids greatest charecters to the Lord was he wanted to know the very heart of God and that Gods name was glorified. I pray all of us do the same with our marriages, instead of going the way of the world and glorifying the bad guy from below. Let us trust in God to be God. Nothing is to great for the Lord to handle. <BR>Mark

"It acually angered me at times, especially when i heard it from my friends from church whom i akse to pray that God would restore."<BR>Yes! Yes! Lostpup, this is exactly what I am talking about! It grieves and angers me to hear people tell me this stuff. Trouble is - it was people from this forum! I expected more. I expected people who had "been there..." I expected compassion and understanding, NOT "throw in the towel..."<P>I now know that WAS the devil's hand trying to get me to take my eyes off the Lord, and trust in myself or the world. As you notice, I don't post as much now. I'm trying to stay focused on the Lord, and walk in His will, and do the work He needs me to finish, to create in me the Godly woman my husband will WANT to come home, will find when he DOES come home. I know God has not abandoned me. I know God has not broken up this marriage. I know all that. I just need to hear others tell me they know it too, once in a while!<P>Goodness, Lostpup, THREE YEARS??? I don't think I could last that long!! I think I might lose my faith and beliefs if I have to endure that long. I guess I'd better pray that God gives me more patience!<P>Thanks, Hopefulone, for feeling the same fears I feel, and sharing them with me. I wish time would stand still. Things are starting to crowd around now. I don't know how to deal with them. I mean, how do you "Plan A" someone who WILL NOT talk to you? Just wait until they do? <P>How do you "Plan A" someone who is about to have all their charge cards sent to collection agencies, cause he RAN AWAY and I don't know what to tell the charge cos.? They are calling ME and I don't want the calls, but I have to tell them SOMETHING...any suggestions? ANyone?<P>Thanks, all, for your compassionate answers and prayers in lifting me up at this oh-so-lonely time of trials in my life.<P>Lupo

Dear Lupo, ive checked out other parts of this sight breifly and dont see many into restoration. It seems many just want to vent there anger and justify there divorce's and lead others to do the same. I dont know anything about plan A or B. I just come to the prayer request forum because we are here to encourage each other to stand and i think your in the right place now. You can do plan A or B or Z. It doesnt matter what plan you do. If you do it without the Lord, it will surely fail and thats what many im sure do at other places on this sight. My only plan is plan "P" PRAYER... Proverbs 16: 9 "We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps".<P> Proverbs 16: 3 "Commit your plans to the LORD, and then your plans will succeed". <BR>Mark<BR>

Hi Lupo,<P>You aren't the only one standing! Don't worry. I have been waiting for this A to end for 6 months now and I have to say I just pray it ends by Christmas. I am living alone now with my daughter and just enjoying the peace, her love and God's love, plus new friendships and the restoration of old ones. There is always work to be done, people to help, people to lift up, people to simply welcome in your home. God won't let you stand around doing nothing while He works on your husband. He needs workers like you in all sorts of ways. <P>Mark's story has to be one of the most incredible yet bit by bit he's achieving his goals. In the meantime, I am sorry for his situation but grateful to him that in the midst of his stand he takes time out to help me and you and lots of others. The support I have gotten here has absolutely gotten me through so far. Now if Mark were already happily restored, he wouldn't be here, in all probability. But he has helped at least twenty other people stand for their marriages - maybe fifty, I don't know. God told us we had to die in order to live, and sometimes we have to die to ourselves in order to help others to live. <P>I am sure his marriage will be restored and I pray for him every day now, but you see that his wait was not in vain. He isn't standing "still"!!<P>And I think that's the point for all of us. We have to be super active Christians: pray, help those in need, comfort, visit the sick and prisoners, etc. God needs the workers. We who are suffering know how it feels and can help others. So then we don't feel so lonely, so useless, so sad.<P>These are the blessings we have from our trials. Just keep planting and watering and the Lord will take care of the harvest. Whoever is unemployed has more time to pray - maybe the Lord needs those prayers and that faith to grow so that He can work more and more miracles amongst us.<P>May Jesus lead you ever closer to Him in this trial and restore your marriage in Him. Amen.

Thank you for such kind words trying, but i would have to say the same for you. You have encouraged me and many others immensly. I know the dying to yourself thing. To stand for a marriage is like laying your life down for another, and sometime's that other used to be your mate but may have become your enemy for a time. But they are not the real enemy, the devil is and has deceived them and hurts them, not to mention us. Then thru this kind of pain we die a lot more to ourselve's than most. God has a special plan for us. He has counted us worthy. In the mean time we serve the Lord by serving others and encouraging others in similar situations, cause quite frankly we cant realte to anyone else. But I know God honors that greatly and in turn we are able to get on with our lives according to Gods way, instead of the worlds way. We stand we serve others in love and we get out of bed everyday. So when someone tells ya to get on with your life, tell them, do i really have a choice? We get on with our live's when we choose to get out of bed that day, and by the way there was a few weeks when i didnt get out of bed. Serving and praying for others has blessed me so much, during my time of sorrow. It give's me strenth, and joy in the Lord. I Pray God give's us standers a servents heart and lets His love shine thru us to others that so desperatly need Gods peace and assurance that He is still there and its all still in His hands. May Gods name be glorified and our hearts purified. In Jesus name, Amen

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lostpup:<BR>[B]Dear Lupo, ive checked out other parts of this sight breifly and dont see many into restoration. It seems many just want to vent there anger and justify there divorce's and lead others to do the same. <P>amen to that brother, It was not long after I found this site that I saw that too. I am just thankful that I checked out this prayer request section of the message board before I left. <BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by lupolady:<BR>[B<BR>How do you "Plan A" someone who is about to have all their charge cards sent to collection agencies, cause he RAN AWAY <P>Lupo[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>yea, how do "plan A" with someone who does not want to participate? I could not implement any of the marriage builder suggestions cuz my wife just laughed at the material I showed her and refused to particiate or stop seeing the other man. I have figured out it will take two of us working together to fix our marriage, I just had the wrong two people in mind.

When all else failes its time for plan "J" Jesus. The trouble with most of us including myself is we should of started with that plan. It is the Lords job to build our marriage's. when we do the building, its built on sand then. When the Lord builds, its built on the ROCK. Amen? Amen<BR>Mark

"When the Lord builds, its built on the ROCK. Amen?"<P>AMEN And again I say "AMEN!" Thanks, Mark. I was reminded of this again this morning when I awakened at 4 am with my dear H heavy on my heart. This happens about 3 times a week. It's usually in the wee hours of the morning, about 2 or 3. This time, I awoke at 4, and by 5 I was in a full fledged "tizzy" !!<P>Anyway, what was going through my mind was that others are describing him as "normal" as he tells them about our up-coming "divorce, only contact is through attorney's". According to many he's talked to, he says it the same way every time, never altering what he says, never adding to it. I realized this morning that he's staying heavily medicated! He's probably on Prozac, or something similar, as well as pain-killers, since that was partly what was bothering him before he left, he was in a lot of pain, and docs weren't finding out what was wrong. AND he's probably now taking diet pills!!! Wanted to lose weight, blamed the weight gain on quit smoking, and he was seen at a picnic drinking Diet Coke (which he NEVER drank before).<P>I realized this morning that I've got to hold him up the Lord so that he doesn't send himself over the edge with too many mixing of pills, as well as hiding from the voice of the Lord. That is what I have been praying (that he would hear God's voice in all the confusion and go to God for help). Please help me pray these things.<P>People, it may sound like I've "lost it" sometimes, but that's because I mainly only post here when I AM losing it. Basically, I hold it together pretty good, and look to God, but every once in awhile, I come apart again, and have to come here for help! Please help me pray he'll find THE source of help, too.<P>Thanks for listening,<BR>Lupolady

Lupo, ive learned its a good thing to come apart. It shows God our humility and need for His strenth, cause ours eventually fails us, especially in these situations. Ive come undone again recently and a dear sister helped me back up and encouraged me and prayed for me and the peace of God came back to me.Psalm 51:17 the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit a broken and contrite heart, o God thou wilt not despise. Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Trust the Lord with your husband and place your husband at the cross. The Lord spared my wifes life i believe 3 times from drug overdoses. The last being the worst. She turned her heart back to the Lord over it, and she meant to kill herself. Stay close to the Lord, cause He will call on you to pray for your husband if he is on the edge of death as the Lord called on me. I knew my wife was almost dead, one night and hadent heard from her in 7 months.Gods Holy spirit had me pray real hard for her and told me she was dying. She contacted me not long after that from a treatment home and asked to see me and told me about what happened. She said she didnt hit bottom, the bottom hit her and she shot up enough dope to kill 5 people. She wanted to die, and the people she was with also wanted her to die cause she owed them a lot of money. I praise God that no matter what He is still in control inspite of ourselves. Keep praying for your husband and trusting in the Lord , and dear sister stay close to the Lord so you can hear His still small voice lead you and comfort you. Dear Lord i pray that you would give my sister your strenth and courage. Lord i pray you deliver her from the fear and lies the enemy has put in her mind and encourage her dear Lord when she beccomes discouraged by the awful pain of a lost loved one. In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark

Oh, Mark,<BR> You are a true inspiration to me! I praise God for YOU, cause you care so much for your wife and others. I praise God for your faith. I will pray for you also, to continue to be strong in the Lord, and to heal your dear wife soon, and bring an end to your "Job-like" existence. <P>The Lord needs to reward your faithfulness soon. You have been faithful so long.<P>Dear Lord, You see Mark's heart. You know he loves You with all his heart, Lord, and his wife. Please bless him, Lord, and heal his marriage and put all his heart-break behind him. Thank you, Lord for revealing yourself to him, and holding him in your Hand for all these months. Mark has shown himself to be a faithful and loyal follower of You, Lord. Please shorten his days of suffering so that he may praise You all the more, Dear Lord. Amen.