Hello to all. <BR>I can't figure this one out on my own so have to ask for my strength from above, please help me to pray for what God wants me to do. This is more than I am able to bare on my own so any input is greatly appreciated also with prayers.<P>My situation, we have been married for 18 yrs next month. Hubby has just left me, again. I'm hurting so bad and so confused. I love him with all my heart and soul and want him and my marriage. Our conflict starts with his spells as I call them. He has bouts of telling me untrue things, even some so minor and senseless then some with davastating effects. A few for example, he claims to have been in the service, was never. Claims to have got his CDL license, didn't. Now this one DID effect our finances by NOT being truthful. When I confront him about them he feels just ignore what he said and go on, no explaination, nothing, kind of a denial state and I am expected to ignore it or drop the issue. I have told him he seems to me to be an extremest, from a couch potato of saying gonn'as then all directions but still without accomplishments. Never a steady medium. Just recently he had a job (self employed) sold a couple of unused vehicles we had and then no money(?) he tells me it just isn't there! Only bills paid was our rent and utilites, fortunately we own our vehicles or we'd be walking! Is still claiming to be expecting a refund check, truth is we already recived it via rapid refund. This doesn't hardly touch the iceberg on "his stories". <P>Drugs? I would say No, we are almost together 24/7 due to his type of work. Alcohol?, another No, we don't drink. Another woman?, No, not even a hint of one. He is 57 and I am 45. I know I am going through the change right now so I try extremly hard at NOT being judgement about anything and try to avoid decisions. Our kids are grown and not living at home.<P>I started refering to him as having spells, seems he goes great for a while then, whamo he is like this with repeated actions back to back lasting usually a month. Life is bad while he is like this too. Eventually we get to an almost split up then we sit down and talk and he tells me he loves me and sure doesn't want us to be apart. The issues, the untruths remain ignored and we just go on. Always having a next time.<P>I have reached a point and in large may be due to mother nature or is it the years of it accumulaitons? I can't just ignore his last set of happenings, selling the autos and telling me he was to pick up the money a few days later then just seems to forget about it, well that lead to 3 day seperation after me confronting him over this. Then entered into a pool tournament and didn't come home that night. He didn't drink and did stay in his truck that night, alone I am aware of this as a fact. When I confronted him for where he went and what he done and how it hurts me, he defends himself claiming he did the right thing because we needed the money. Not in this fashion NO WAY! Next I can see he is ashamed, knows he hurt me but will not approach me as such. He has a way of telling you a negative and positive in the same sentence to where it can't be figured what he meant. Times I've asked him if he understood his own words?<BR>I'm hurting inside for answers on what and how to deal with him. Part of me wonders if he is having mental problems and I sure couldn't leave him sick. When he isn't having his spells he is a good person and loving hubby. The other part of me is, let him go- get on some how. Even in the tear of my emotions I love him dearly. Am I the crazy one here?<P>I need God's power and His will. I need all the prayers I can get, please! I will have to leave my life in God's hands now and see where this goes.<BR>I'm so lost, hurt, emotionally drained, empty and confused.<BR>Wonder should I post for prayer help, mental help, am I venting? or do I give-up and need help to move? I really feel we both want our marriage. <P>Thanks to All for any thing. <BR>Harmony

Maybe he is very low on self-esteem and tries to make things better than they are as a way to cope. I'm not excusing that - it's an escape. Maybe he is afraid of losing you though. Who left when you confronted him? Did you leave or did he? Maybe he is worried sick about finances and can't face reality when he is worried. I really don't know. Is there a mental health center near you that you can get some information/advice from? <P>In the meantime, keep praying. Go to <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> for a great book (not expensive.)<P>I will keep you in my prayers. You have been very faithful to your husband with your love all these years. Don't give up.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Tryingtohope:<BR><B>Maybe he is very low on self-esteem and tries to make things better than they are as a way to cope. I'm not excusing that - it's an escape. Maybe he is afraid of losing you though. Who left when you confronted him? Did you leave or did he? Maybe he is worried sick about finances and can't face reality when he is worried. I really don't know. Is there a mental health center near you that you can get some information/advice from? <P>In the meantime, keep praying. Go to <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> for a great book (not expensive.)<P>I will keep you in my prayers. You have been very faithful to your husband with your love all these years. Don't give up.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thank-You, sincerely. I just can't give up! You brought up something I did fail to mention. Yes, when his spells of untruth starts I have become more aware of them happening during real finacial distress. <BR>He left me, we're broke now, rent and utilities due (again) and I'm left to fend for myself. Instead of feeling anger I feel sorry for him!? and for us, because through same past senerios we do NOT want this, we love each other and we need each other, as we have both told each other this many times. I try to reinforce him with I'm here for keeps, I've told him to be poor and living poor is no shame, but please to it in honesty this is about all I "expect" from him. Like I mentioned we are around each other almost 24/7's but yes he has asked me if I have some one else. First I laughed, if you only knew our lifestyle you'd understand, and No I wasn't laughing at him, only the comment. I asked him when? where? how? then seriously I told him mostly WHY would I want to when he IS my every thing and ALL I want for. Recently had to explain my hormonal feelings to him as I am going through the change and told him it's me, NOT him! Told him, this too will pass to "please" be patient with me!! (geeze, sooner the better!!) The content of this subject has always been our plus in our relationship. Think you get my drift~<BR>He has recently had surgery, now this is tough to put just have to tell it like it is, had to have a testical removed, non-malignant Thank-You- God! Cause I just couldn't imagine my life with out him in it. Yes, told him this over and over. Now this happening. He handled the surgery mentally and physically so well. (perhaps?) I told him just how proud of him and how he handled everything too that I was of him. Hasn't discussed any bad feelings towards this (surgery) not even one single hint. We both just wanted wellness as the results, we were blessed with that. He has actually improved, er, uh, well ya know. No more pain for him.<P>I do feel in tune to his feelings as I best as can be without his input. Our son is in many ways his nature so actually as my/our son grew up I felt I knew my hubby in ways better. Make sense~??<P>Will check about this book, and I will check about a mental health clinic. Unfortunately we have no health insurance or ready funds right now with no work=no money.<P>Thanks for prayers, input and responding. It nice someone cares enough to do so.<BR>Harmony

Where is he now? Can he take care of himself? If so, I wonder if it's time for you to ask God to bring him back. Ask God to work on you and to hold him very tight, to rock him and let him feel the love and protection of the Father.<P>I think you are not asking much by asking him to be honest. I also think you can love him even if he is not living in your house. Do you have a job? Can you support yourself? Is there anything you can do to make your financial situation safer? <P>I don't believe God wants you to be poor in the sense that He wants you to worry every month. He just wants you to trust Him to provide and He wants you not to love money or believe that having money is your protection from life's hardships. He wants you with Him in the end and that's the most overriding goal. <P>Jesus, please guide Harmony and her husband. Guide them to Your Sacred Heart, so full of pain which we have caused You yet so ready to forgive, to heal. Shower them with mercy and forgiveness. Give them abundant love for You and for each other. I ask this in Your Holy Name, Amen. <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Tryingtohope:<P>Jesus, please guide Harmony and her husband. Guide them to Your Sacred Heart, so full of pain which we have caused You yet so ready to forgive, to heal. Shower them with mercy and forgiveness. Give them abundant love for You and for each other. I ask this in Your Holy Name, Amen. <P>[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>THANK-YOU THANK-YOU in the name of JESUS and in the name of Jesus for your prayers and hope for us Tringtohope, here's my/our update!! Hubby returned the day after my post! We talked and belive in Miracles cause he talked more To me and WITH me than ever before! I testify that HE does do miracles! This isn't the first one in my life either, and not on a marriage issue. Truth is, He never strands us, He never will either. I felt bad after I posted and read that I should ask or tell nothing of my marriage woes. But I needed support, selfish in myself, for my wants? Yes I gave my problems to Him, He knows what I want, but have to leave my problems up to Him,God. He works such beautiful Miracles! I've experienced so many of His beautiful Miracles I feel I have more than one person should. Make sense? <BR>Hubby is working hard I see dealing with his stories to me. Love of God conquers so much doesn't it? <BR>Yes though I truely believe you hit the nail with the hammer on self-esteem. I will work harder to let hubby know just how much he does mean to me and hope and pray I can get him to understand he is signifacant without his fabricated stories. No I'm not moneitary at all. Just need a house it's up to us to make it a home. All trust goes to the Lord, he will fulfill our needs. No I don't work my hibby doesn't want me too, but two incomes are needed to just make our ends meet which are just rent, utilities required insurance and food. Because of hubbies illness and getting behind on all. I offer to do what I can, not able to do much with no working back ground, but have made several suggestions hubby might consider. Do my best, all I can do. <BR>Just had to tell ya about this. I'm so thrilled...happy and figured I needed to update ya. <BR>Thanks so much I really appreciate you for being here and listening to me and your advise and thoughts are greatly appreciated!! Not in vain here!<BR>Thanks a Zillion for caring, Tringtohope,<BR>May a Miracle happen to You, Bless You,<BR>Harmony

[removed goof up post]<p>[This message has been edited by Gater (edited June 12, 2001).]

Oh I am SO HAPPY for you. I feel the same way - that I have received so much from Him. Life really is a beautiful adventure, isn't it? God bless you!