X<p>[This message has been edited by RJHope (edited July 16, 2001).]

When I read your post, it reminds me of my life. I suffered from depression for about ten yr. I was taking all kinds of meds. and my w got tired of me being depressed all the time. Anyway I feel that you need to get yourself right with God. He can change your life and your W will see the change in you and she will be willing to reconcille. God wants marriages to stay together, but He want you to lean on Him.

Your situation is very sad, especially when it comes to the children. All you can do is continue to pull yourself together not only for your wife, but for yourself and your children. Above all, you must be patient. If I've learned anything through all this, it is the fact we must be patient and let the changes we've made sink in to the other person. I will pray for you and your family.

Dear RJ, i do understand depression all to well. I slipped into a major depression before my wife left and when i compleatly collapsed, she left that day. My story is a little different however. My wife was growing more and more irrational and psycotic and destroying the family finance's and i couldnt stop it anymore. I shut down. It turns out she had severe manic depression and the combination of her being manic and me being depressed wasnt good. she went off into doing meth and living compleatly opposite of what she believed. I knew there was something seriously wrong with her, seeing as she thought she could take te kids with her into the drug world. I eventually got them away from her, and she became suicidal and it wasnt to get attention, she attemted suicide 4 or 5 time's and ended up in detox centers dna emergency rooms. well finally a doctor tested her after she was court ordered into a treatment facility under house arrest, and she tested for being Manic depression. During this time i had to admit i had a severe depression problem and i was also suicidal and eneded up in a looney farm myself for a few days on suicide watch, cause they took away my xanax and gave me paxil instead and paxil didnt do me any justice at all. It acually made me worse. The irony is they asked me why i was suicidal, and i told them that my wife disapeard with the kids and she is seriously mentally messed up and child services and the rest of the world wouldnt listen or help. I reached my wits end. Its a long story, but my point is, get your self help, and your heart right with the Lord and let the Lord worry about reaching your wife. Worrying about where she is at will only drag you down. You both need to heal of whatever the Lord is doing in your lives. When your wife starts to acually see a change in you thats what will wake her up. Allow the Lord to do the work and draw close to Him. The Lord will lead you in the direction you need to go and will give you the strenth to make it thru this. My depression started going away when i started to seek God with all my heart and read my bible and cry and pray to Him as much as i could. It will take some time, as God is never in much of a hurry. Learn to trust Him with it all. I pray the Lord give's you strenth to make it thru these heartbreaking trials and that He heals your depression and turns your wife;s heart back to not only you but the Lord Himself. The Lord is on your side, reach out to Him with it all. In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark

X<p>[This message has been edited by RJHope (edited July 16, 2001).]

Have you considered telephone counseling on this site in between visits? I have heard nothing but wonderful things about it and it may take the edge off during the 4-5 weeks you aren't seeing your therapist. You guys have had a lot on your plates to say the least. I believe 4-5 weeks is too long in between visits. Just my opinion.

I feel for you and will be praying for the Lord to turn the heart of your wife. Please check out <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> <A HREF="http://www.rejoiceministries.org" TARGET=_blank>www.rejoiceministries.org</A> <BR>They have been very good to me during my stand.<P>morriggs@yahoo.com<P>------------------<BR>

I think your wife needs to see changes in you so 4-5 weeks is okay. You can't change in a week or two. You can see or speak to your own counselor (I talked to Steve by phone and he's great, if you want to try him) in the meantime.<P>I agree with everyone that first you have to get yourself squared away. Your daughters will NEVER forget you. It is painful and horrible to be away from them but they will never forget you and they know you love them very much.<P>Your wife needs to feel that you are self-sufficient, that you are stable, rational, that she can trust you, that most of all you won't damage your children in any way (psychologically.)<P>After she is convinced of that, she will come around as long as you keep praying.<P>God wants you, it appears. This means you would do well to answer Him!! :-)<P>He seems to have great plans for you, giving you a big trial like this. Remember it is an adventure and you are NOT the one that controls it. You have to trust Him and this is the hardest act for anyone, and particularly for men. <P>If you don't already have a Bible, go get one and read it every night, even just a line or two. Go to Psalms, Proverbs or the Gospel of John and ask God to lead you to increase your faith. He will - don't give up.<P>Your life is just beginning. Thursday, I pray that you have a little breakthrough, that you speak in a very rational way, that you state your case convincingly and that your wife begins to trust you again. God bless you.<BR>

X<p>[This message has been edited by RJHope (edited July 16, 2001).]

dear RJ ive heard those words from my wife more than once. She even told me a few times she would never ever come back to me. A year and a half ago, i told my wife fine, im now going to file for divorce the next day. She started crying hard, even though she had told me she was divorcing me. She recently told me she was thankful we never divorced. She wants to come home when she is ready. She is in a mental treatment home right now, and she wants to be the best wife and mother she can, and she doesnt want to blow it this time. That is quite a change in heart from 3 yers ago, when she left me, and blamed me for everything. he enemy is attacking your wifes mind with lies. There is a place in her eart that doesnt want a divorce, but she wont listen right now to that. She is listening to the devil, and it has torn her inside. Be patient with her, and pray for her and forgive her. Right now, allow the Lord to heal your heart and strenthen you to become a mighty man of God. The Lord told me from the begining not to trust in my wifes words or actions, nor others advice as to get on with my life and divorce her. The Lord told me to Trust in Him only. Thats what you need to do brother. I pray God gives you the strenth to keeep your eyes on Him only and not the circumstances. IN Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark

X<p>[This message has been edited by RJHope (edited July 16, 2001).]