I have been implementing Plan A for over 6 months towards my wayward wife. Two months ago we got separate checking accts. after 12 years of sharing our money. My wife is moving in every direction to split things up. She has been having an affair with a married man for the last 9-12 months. I recieved a copy of her cell phone records that blatenly showed how involved they are with one another. I told her that I am continually praying for us and I realize that she is struggling with life. I told her that she is experiencing spiritual warfare. She said that she doesn't want to turn things over to God. She told me that she wants to be in control. These statements shocked me because I realized that she is a very lost person. She says she has no love for me and wants her independence. We have a six year old daughter. How can I fulfil any of my W's needs when she won't talk to me, do things with me, she won't even let me hold her hand. I have felt rejected and isolated for many years now. How do I go on?

Hopefulone, Your going to have to let your prodigal go and give the entire situation to God. Easier said than done , i know. Its like the guy hangin off the mountain by a branch and he cries out "GOD are you there?" Then God answers Yes, I AM here. the guy says what do i do Lord, and the Lord replies just let go. The man then cries out is anybody else there??? God will bring your wife to where she needs to be, but you have to fully trust Him. If she is one of His , she will hit bottom hard and she will find no lasting happiness doing what she's doing. God can restore her heart. Trust Him. God honors us when we humble ourselve's and admit we are helpless to do anything, and thus place it all at the foot of the cross. Seek the Lord with all your heart. He's wants your relationship to grow with Him. God will take it from there. Nothing is to hard for the Lord to handle. Lord, i pray you give my brother your strenth to make it thru this sorrowful trial he is in. Lord, i ask that you would make yourself known to Hopeful in a great way and give him your peace. Lord i thank you that your faithful, even when we are not. Help us all Lord in our doubt and unbelief at time's when we think you cant handle our situations. In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark

I agree that you have to let go, turn this over to Him and let her hit the bottom before she finally comes up for some fresh air. All you can do is be there for your child, take some time for yourself and be there for her whenever she is willing to spend time with you or talk. It takes a lot of time to get them to this point sometimes. In my case it took over two years. The Marriage Builders principles are what saved my marriage. From this site I learned I had to be patient, be quiet and let time take care of many things. However, your road to recovery will be hampered until the affair finally dies out. My prayers are with you and your child.

I am in your situation too. <P>Jesus, please help all of us to truly forgive our spouses. Remind us that we have all sinned so we do not feel superior to our wayward spouses. Remind us not to throw stones. Your grace has saved us - we don't deserve it. Please grant your grace to our spouses and keep our families together. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, Son of the Most High and Redeemer of all of us, Lord of Hosts.

Janie and Mark give such good advice, it's hard to know what to add. I can say from personal experience, when someone is in denial or feeling "lost", you can't always reach them by trying to talk to them about God. They will turn a deaf ear to you and try harder to avoid you because somewhere deep inside they know they are wrong and you are right, but they don't want to hear that. All you can do is pray and keep your relationship with God about the whole issue. Your wife and her MM are using each other to meet needs that weren't being met somewhere. Don't take that the wrong way like you are at fault. I don't mean to imply that. I'm saying, they are both in a fog right now. One of them will wise up. IF it's been a year now, it's probably safe to think the MM has NO intentions of leaving his wife and your wife is living in a fantasy world if she thinks he will. You never know how these things will turn out. Maybe they truly feel they are in love. IF that's the case, they need to get on with their lives, so you can do the same.(Sometimes when you love someone, you have to set them free before they wise up and realize what they really had.) You mentioned feeling isolated for many years. Something has been wrong in your marriage for a long time and now it seems to be surfacing.The questions you should ask yourself are: Do I truly love this woman? Do I REALLY want her back after all the years of pain in the past and the heartache now? If you say yes, then continue your faith and trust in the Lord that he will sustain you and your marriage in your time of need and continue to pray that she will see the light. You are in my prayers.<p>[This message has been edited by devotion (edited June 25, 2001).]

I've been reading your posts and praying for you. After reading your latest topic, "Wife Leaving", I went back and found this one again. You mentioned in one thread about seeing a christian counselor and I hope you are still talking to one for support and continuing your prayers. I pray you are holding up ok, (the best you can), since your wife left on Friday. You are in my prayers. Keep us posted.