X<p>[This message has been edited by RJHope (edited July 16, 2001).]

It sounds as if you are ready for Plan B. First off, though, you need to set up formal visitation for your children and find a third party to go through to pick them up, etc. From the title of your post, the love you have for your wife is dwindling and Plan B protects what is left of that love. It also gives her the opportunity to find out what life will be like without you at all in the picture. Sometimes no contact at all is impossible with children involved, you do not have to meet any of HER needs, only those of the children.<P>If you decide to go to Plan B, post your letter on this site before delivering it to your wife. Many times our Plan B letters strike out at our spouses, and a third party critique really helps that Plan B letter say what it needs to say in the right way.<P>Sorry you are going through such a hard time right now.

Dear RJ i do understand how your feeling. During times like the ones your having, i read 1 corinthians 13 and constantly asked the Lord to love my wife thru my heart. It brought about a miraculas change in my heart. My wife hit me and i spit up blood and i calmly told her i loved her and left. She stole my car, my money, put a restraining order on me with lies that made me break down and cry. Broke the window out of my car with a baseball bat, the list is endless. Now i used to be kind of an angry person, but not in the extream sense. So God did do a mighty work in my heart cause i got angry at God for all she did to me that i didnt even come close to deserving. The Lord just said, ive been unfaithful and hurt the Lord many many times in my life, yet the Lord still loved and forgave me. That wasnt the answer i wanted, but i heard it, accepted it and was humbled. In the process it changed my heart. Right now, RJ , you need to allow the Lord to change your own heart and grow in the Love of Jesus. That is whats going to break down your wife. She will test it also to see if it is genuine. She is operating by the enemies rules right now, until the Lord humbles her. Its going to have to be genuine and it isnt going to happen overnight. Nor after a few church services, a promise keeper conference, or a few biblical verses tha you may have read in reguards to her sin. Thsi is your time to draw near to the Lord and have a real close and intimate relationship with Him. Draw near to the Lord and He will draw near to you. Humble yourself to the Lord and let the pain and tears go and cry all you can. There is eace and healing in it and it brings you close to the Lord. Psalm 34 :18 The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Hang in there brother. You will make it thru this and will shine.<BR>Mark

X<p>[This message has been edited by RJHope (edited July 16, 2001).]

RJ:<P> You must pray that God will love your children for you while you cannot be with them. What is a few months in all of eternity? Get your eyes off your little time-frame and put on God's time.<P>Settle down, nothing is getting settled this way, You MUST Plan B your wife. NO contact. Period. For any reason. She says she "likes it this way" but I don't believe it. I think she likes it now because of the new freedom. Well, freedom has some scary things attached too. Like when the washing machine leaks water all over the floor, or a window gets broken compromising the home security (I'm just making stuff up here, to show you that she probably hasn't had to deal with MAJOR catastrophes yet!), but she will. And when she does, and her new-found friends don't come running to her rescue (which they seem to be doing now) then she will see you ARE the man! You Are stable, and have always been there to pick up the slack.<P>You are allowing yourself to be "used" and kicked around. Stop it. Stop pursuing her. Just turn and walk away. Let GOD deal with her. Let him have her. He'll probably have to "beat up on her" a little bit. In fact, that's exactly what I'm praying God is doing to my H!! "Beat him up, Lord. Let him see that he's been very nasty to me!!!" LOL I know God is doing that - for his own good....just like you'd discipline your child for their own good, if they were going astray. But it won't be easy to watch, and it won't be painless (for her OR for you). Let her go. Just pray God will watch over and protect your dear little ones during your W's "trials".<P>Please DON'T begin hating her, or that will surely end your marriage. It is summer time now, so the 'school pick-up thing is not an issue right now. Pray it is resolved before school starts up again. Stay calm, and stay in God's plan!<P>I'll be praying for you. <P>Lupo

X<p>[This message has been edited by RJHope (edited July 16, 2001).]

RJ, first your own efforts at restoring your marriage will fail. Fear doesnt come from God, it comes from the devil. Right now your wife has you were she wants you, and she knows it. She has no reason to change her behaviour. She has control of your heart,mind and soul. You need to take that away and give God the control. It is best that you let her go like the prodigal father did with his son. the father also gave his son his inheritance before he left. Thats what you must do. Then pray and trust in God. The Lord will bring her to her knees and she will turn back. In the mean time grow close to God and learn to trust in him, cause life isnt going to get any easier for us here on earth. This is a blessing in desguise, in that you will become strong in the Lord and nothing will shake you. Your wife has a way out at this point in if all else fails she can still come back to you, right? So i dont advocate rejection, but you need to be firm with her and tell her that if this is how she wants to live then so be it. You are still to trust in God to restore your marriage His way. You need to find a balance to let go of her yet trust God to restore. That comes with a close relationship with the Lord. Im not giving you any advice when i say this , but when i got mad at my wife a few years ago, cause she was cold and calculating towards me and she hated me at the time, then i told her fine if she didnt file for divorce the next week, i would, then i hung up the phone. She broke down and cried for the rest of the day i later found out. She has never filed in our 3 years of seperation and she recently told me she was thankful that she didnt. When i walked away from her and compleatly let go and let God for 7 months she was brought to her knees finally and she contacted me from a treatment facility. We have been seeing each other ever since for the last 8 months and have grown closer than ever before. When they loose control of you, they start to think about the consequenses. They start to hate themselves and what they are doing. They have to face themselves. It was the most painful descion i ever made in my life to let her go and not try to convince her that she should come back home or turn back to God. She had to find that out on her own. Be as inocent as a dove, but as shrewd as a snake. This is the Lords fight. Rest in Him.<BR>Mark

X<p>[This message has been edited by RJHope (edited July 16, 2001).]

<BR><B><P>I'm beginning to HATE her.... I'm truly beginning to hate her!!!!!!!!!!<P>RJ----- NO Hope</B><P>STOP IT!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!<BR>If you don't stop acting this way, there really WILL be no hope. You've got to ask God to love her now, cause you CAN't. That's not unreasonable. I understand. I get these feelings about 12 times a day. And then I just have to get away and tellthe Lord that I can't do this anymore, and I'm not sure I'm ever going to again....then the Lord has to take over. That's what He wants, anyway, so just LET HIM!<P>God can change her heart in an instant if He wants to. Just ask Him to change her heart about the visitation issue, nothing else, JUST THAT. You've got to have access to your children. You're right, it's isn't fair that you can't see your children, but don't, please DON'T start hating your W over it. That would be counter-productive in the long run. Even if your M is over, and cannot be reconciled, think of your girls in the future and their hurt knowing their father hates their mother. Don't do that to them.<P>Mark is right, you are still trying to do this all on your own. Your efforts will fail. Only God has the power to change your wife, or her decisions. Don't keep harping on her about the girls. She is seeing you fall to pieces again, and it's convincing her even more that you are unstable, and therefore a threat to be around, especially for children. Stop yourself, calm down, breathe, and PRAY. Please read all the MB materials. Get their books. I know I learned a LOT from this website before I purchased 2 books (HN/HN and SAA). You've got to start looking to the Lord. You keep harping on your W "is supposed to be a Christian..." implying "but look how she's acting. Well, brother, I don't want to sound harsh here, but look how YOU'RE acting! Get right with God, and GET IN HIS WILL. This is not it.<P>We are all praying for you, too. Know that. I know I am, I know Mark is, he has been a faithful prayer brother to me, and to all who post here. Please calm down. I know it's hard. I know. We all are there with you.<P>In all God's love and faith,<BR>Lupo