Hi all. I just found this website from a search. I hope you all will pray for me, as I feel I need it. I'm a believer age 33, and I'm about to be married in 3 weeks to someone whom I love dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with. The problem is that I'm not sexually attracted to her as often as I (or she) would like. Part of the issue is that we've made a decision to not have sex until we're married (When I became a believer at age 22, I trusted God that he would bless me if I didn't have any sex until I were married); the other part (I think) is that because I haven't had relations with anyone for so long, maybe I've become "too" self-controlled. She's a very sexual person, and I'm just not. Please, I really need your guys' prayers, as I love her dearly. I'm going to be getting counseling at my church regarding this, but I'm very nervous/uptight about this whole situation, and I'd feel better knowing that believers are praying for me.<P>Thanks!

If you don't become sexually excited from other stimuli, I would think it may be a physical problem not related at all to her or your feelings for her. If this is the case, please see your doctor. There could be a physical problem or something that medication can correct. Best of luck.

It's not that I can't get excited at all, it's that it takes alot for me to get excited-even if I "please" myself. I'm sure that if I were to perform any type of sex on her, that my excitement wouldn't last nearly as long as she would like, which I'm sure would make her feel "not attractive" (By the way, I saw a link to that web site <A HREF="http://www.funinbed.com" TARGET=_blank>www.funinbed.com</A> and took their test-I scored an "8% lousy lover", so maybe that is the problem!). I think part of the problem is my "conservative" upbringing as a believer. I'm reading other posts about different things to try, and I'm actually getting encouraged. My problem may just be a lack of creativity, as I'm just very insecure (you guys know the whole problem of "I just don't know what I could do to please her in the way she wants" thinking)...<P>Anyways, enough of my babbling...

I think that your sensitivity to the issue and your willingness to pray about it means that you have half solved the problem. I do wonder if your wife is a believer since you don't mention that. If she isn't, I think that could be the real problem in your marriage because living a Christian life is really different from a worldly way of life. In my case, I was sure my husband would convert. He didn't and we grew very far apart until he left with someone.<P>I wouldn't worry what they say about lovers in any site: it's a question of communication and desire to care and to explore, not special techniques. Really.<P>God bless you ...

It sounds like God is having great mercy on you and keeping you from the temptations most have and fall into before they are married. God will honor your obedience that is so rare these days. You may also be trying to do it all on your own strenth and your full of fear from blowin it before you are married. That fear can take away your sexual desire. Ive had that fear thru most of my seperation and it has keeped me out of lots of trouble and although idid blow it once, i had no desire for that person. My wife has done enough to take away all desires for me to even talk to her let alone have sexual desire for her. But today we are in love with each other and our marriage is almost restored after 3 years of seperation. You also may fear that you cant please your fiancee, becasue you mentioned she was a sexual person, and she may have unknowingly put more fear and preasure on you. You need to openly talk with her about how you feel, and find out how she feels. If she places more emphisis on sex out of a marriage,instead of glorifying God with it, you may need to do something differently. Hope this helps.<BR>Mark

Thanks for all the encouragment guys. She is a believer, albeit a new one (~3 years), and I think what you guys are saying is right-I need to remember that the Lord is in control and that He wouldn't have us come all this way if He didn't want us together, I guess it's just too easy to get freaked out so close to the wedding!<P>Thanks and please pray for us!