I'm new to this web site, and I read so many comments about how this forum has saved their life.<P>I have mixed feelings whenever I log on, wondering if it will help or become an addiction for me that will actually bring me down. Before I offend anyone, let me explain.<P>We are in counseling with Jennifer Harley in the last 3 weeks since I learned of the affairs. During our last session she required both of us to commit ourselves to controlling our thoughts. Every time I start thinking about all this, I am supposed to distract myself and think about his good qualities. He has to do the same thing, except that his thought life continually drifts to the OW.<P>I guess even though these have been the saddest weeks in my life, (since I never thought my h capable of doing any of this, he never missed a beat in church, prayer meetings, etc.) I'm now in the best possible position since he has ended the affair and is doing everything to reconcile. He even read some of the posts and called himself an exemplary betrayer.<P>So, what do you dear people say? Should I stick around, or should I stay away since the sad stories seem mostly to trigger the thoughts and depression I am supposed to be avoiding. Even if I do come around, I have to be careful that I don't spend too much time since I end up neglecting other things and then his needs are not met. Isn't it hard? Not only do I need to control my anger, but I need to go full out in meeting his emotional needs while he is still in love with the OW (but trying very hard here). It seems so unfair, but I know it is the only way I can get where I want to go, to a great marriage with him. I still love him very much, and I have a 2 and almost 5 year old.

Schiz,<P>I am not in a position to over rule Jenn and will not give you any advice to come back or stay away from here. I will only offer you my opinion that if I would not have stumbled upon this site I would have seriously lost what little of my mind I have left. The folks here have helped me more than they will ever know. I envy you that you are in counseling with you S.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Love your screen name!!!!!!!<BR>It is great that you are in counseling with the harleys. Nice to have you join us too. <BR>Does the board help or ??? I guess both? My h is gone right now so I read and answer more. When he is home, I tend to drop in less. It is hard to balance all the responsbilities of work, kids, house, and H! The marriage is number one, keep the goal foremost in your mind. <BR>If the sad posts are bothering you, look at the little icons and do not read those with the frown.

schizzo:<P>I'm a long-time poster here, but I completely understand your dilemma. I showed up here only after we were well on our way to recovery (I counseled with Jennifer's brother Steve).<P>If you find this forum bringing you down (and that can be an issue), then my advice would be to stick to solely the counseling. This forum can help, but direct counseling with one of the Harley's is probably the better way to go.

Thank-you. I did go looking for the happy face, how do you get it in the message? As a result, I found some success stories. That was really good!

Hey there Scizzo,<P>Another long-time poster, here. Does this forum help? Uhhhhh...yayah!<P>My wife Suse and I are wayyyy down the road of Recovery. And, I'll tell you, it STILL makes me feel good to be here. <P>I don't in any way see the potential for addiction here. Unless you could get addicted to being part of an essentially charitable community.<P>Good luck on your travels down the road.

I am relatively new here, and I sometimes feel that I can't keep coming back. <P>Let me explain that. EVERYONE here is soooo supportive and helpful. I feel like close family with these people, however, I do get soooo depressed when I read some of the posts. The icons do help some, but not always. I have to pick and choose the posts I can read, given the precise moment and the state of my emotions. Then sometimes later, I can come back and read others. The advice here is awesome and very helpful. I sometimes go through withdrawal from MB. <P>Don't know if my opinion will help any, but I can definitely understand what you are saying.<BR><P>------------------<BR>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.<BR>