I guess a real dose of reality (or is it Satan?)has hit me with a vengeance this morning...I'm sitting here at my computer for about 3 hours now, when there's so much I NEED to do today:<P>I need to get to the dump with all the garbage. <BR>I need to sweep and clean out the garage.<BR>I need to clean all the dog pens.<BR>I need to put up single cedar boards on outside of fence so it looks completed.<BR>I need to call about the dogs to the woman I spoke with in regards to getting rid of some of them (having them is a major LBer for H)<BR>I need to vacuum my house.<BR>I need to wash a load of white clothes.<BR>I need to move the racks in my closet so my clothes fit better.<BR>I need to bleach the driveway so it looks lighter, brighter, cleaner, white.<BR>I need to put away all the computer books in the computer room.<BR>I need to hook up my other printer so I can print out stuff from my computer.<BR>I need get a rod to hang the valance my sister brought over last night.<BR>I need to clean off the dining room table so I have a place to sit and eat like a human being.<BR>I need to pick up all garbage and junk from family room (only room NOT remodeled) so it doesn't still look like a construction site.<BR>I need to STOP FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF AND DO THIS [censored].<BR>Easier said than done. <P>Reality has set in. I was in a fog. I am now in reality. Is this my life? For how long? How did it get to be so bad without me even knowing it was happening? Will it ever be a happy life again? NO CONTACT for 7 weeks, and counting, maybe never again. That's how I feel today. Alone. Totally alone and HE has gone on with his life, and seems to be managing just fine, thank you very much. And my birthday is at the end of the week, and I'm expecting THAT to be total garbage, too. ALL ALONE on your birthday, how pathetic. I used to believe that if you GAVe to people then it would come back to you...I guess I really must have been some kind of selfish WITCH to be getting this now.<BR>I go back to work next week, and I really DON'T see how I'm going to function then.<BR>Lupo<P>

Hi Lupo,<BR>I'm new to posting on this site but have been reading and praying for you and others on this site. Satan is the dis-courager and loves to overwhelm us but stay strong! And don't be discouraged by the time it takes for the Lord to heal your marriage. He's very busy at work in your husband and in the OW. I have been married 26 years and my husband was having an affair for 3 years before the Lord even re-vealed the situation to me. And you know why? Because if I had known it back then, I would have divorced him because He hadn't convicted me of the Truth about marriage and how He feels about divorce. It took that long to prepare me for what He wanted me to learn and that was to trust Him this time.<BR>I know that the problems we've had over the years is because I didn't trust the Lord for His timing and will for my husband and I to marry. And my husband and I have both suffered emensely because of it. I knew this time around that I was going to trust and wait on Him for as long as it took! I have seen the destructiveness of divorce and it's consequences. The Lord allowed me to weigh everything and count the cost. I thank Him and praise Him for what He's doing in our lives now. And believe me it's a sloooow pro-cess but He constantly allows me to see little things here and there that assures me that He's still in control and that we are a work in progress.<BR>I know that He cares about you because He has allowed you to find this site! I wish I had this site when I was going through it! But I feel so blessed to know that that is just one more assurance that God is faithful to His promise to help us keep our promises!<BR>And I too struggle with whether or not I too should be getting something done aroung the house rather than spending time on this site and in devotions which I can spend a ton of time in some days, and we do have to find that balance. I hope you found yourself getting some of those things done you had hoped to accomplish and will still have the time to be encouraged by those of us who care about you!<BR>See, the reason I am here right now is because we still have a long way to recovery but God is working mightily in us but some things just take TIME unfortunalely. HIS TIME. You see the biggest issue we have is that we have a hard time agreeing on the recreational activities. His past life was Gambling at the Horse Track, Casinos, cards, sports you name it. And I just couldn't see the attraction. But the Lord since then has really taken his desire away for those things now. It rarely interests him now. However he enjoys playing Spades on the internet and is pretty much addicted to that. He spends alot of time enjoying their company rather than mine. So he gets his needs for conversation from those people and I pretty much get ignored. Like with everything, there needs to be balance. So I struggled with whether I would be doing the same thing with this so I was a bit reluctant to post until now. With the Lord's help I hope to keep it in balance. As the Lord says in Ecclesiastes<BR>chapter 3:5a There's a time to embrace and a time to refrain. I refrained for a time, but now it's time to embrace you all and to also be embraced.<BR>I have noticed the Lord's work everywhere to encourage those of us trying to keep our marriages together. I hear the ministers on Christian radio constantly addressing working through the tough times & that we don't have to choose divorce just because there has been adultery! We have the right to forgive! Divorce because of adultery is JUST the loop hole Satan has been using to destroy the family! Like Tryingtohope was saying, Satan tries to get us to buy into his lies that our spouses arn't in love with us anymore and haven't been for some time garbage! All lies!<BR>He gets our spouses to really believe that we'd be happier without them and that they would be happier without us.<BR>He convinces them that some people just can't change and that they are who they are and that sometimes people just aren't compatible! Garbage all garbage!<BR>Believe me. I had to let go of my husband too. Not to the degree you have had to but I knew I couldn't go around and check on him to see if he was with the OW or not every time he left the house or I'd been parinoid all the time. I knew if the Lord wanted me to know what he was up He'd let me know. And He has many times and in many different ways. He's much more creative than Satan. Satan is more predictable than you might believe. Well, anyways, it's my turn to accomplish something around my house. I'm off on shut down for the week at our shop, compliments of unemployment so I'm going to enjoy my time off. I hope you do too! God bless you Lupo and "Be still and know I am God." Psalm 46:10. Here's hoping that you and your husband will also be "on the mend."<BR>Love in Christ, ONTHEMEND

<B>I'm new to posting on this site but have been reading and praying for you and others on this site. Satan is the dis-courager and loves to overwhelm us but stay strong! And don't be discouraged by the time it takes for the Lord to heal your marriage. He's very busy at work in your husband and in the OW ... I know that He cares about you because He has allowed you to find this site! I wish I had this site when I was going through it! But I feel so blessed to know that that is just one more assurance that God is faithful to His promise to help us keep our promises!</B><BR>Thank you, On... I DO know these things. I'm just having a really BAD day. Some things have happened...my H is apparently moving stuff around, bank accounts and such, and I used to be able to "check up on him" this way. Now I guess I can't, and it's hurting me. It was a way to feel some kind of "connection" - know what I mean? At least then I didn't feel like there was NOTHING to keep us bonded. I know that sounds stupid, somehow. Of course we are bonded by WAAAY more than an account # on a phone or such, but with him gone and not wanting to talk to me at all, it's the only way I have assurance that he's even still functioning!<P><B>some things just take TIME unfortunalely. HIS TIME. </B><BR>I'm afraid I dont' wait on God's timing very well. I never have. <P><B> As the Lord says in Ecclesiastes<BR>chapter 3:5a There's a time to embrace and a time to refrain. I refrained for a time, but now it's time to embrace you all and to also be embraced.</B><BR>Unfortunately, this is part of the problem! My UNembracing him for too long....<BR>I'm fearful because my H is a VERY deep thinker. He thinks things through 14 ways from Sunday. I fear that if he thought this through in his mind to REALLY, REALLY do this, (and I know this was a BIG deal for him to go through with it) he must mean it! He doesn't just blindly leap into stuff, usually, it takes a lot to move him at all. <P><B>I have noticed the Lord's work everywhere to encourage those of us trying to keep our marriages together. I hear the ministers on Christian radio constantly addressing working through the tough times & that we don't have to choose divorce just because there has been adultery! We have the right to forgive! Divorce because of adultery is JUST the loop hole Satan has been using to destroy the family! Like Tryingtohope was saying, Satan tries to get us to buy into his lies that our spouses arn't in love with us anymore and haven't been for some time garbage! All lies!<BR>He gets our spouses to really believe that we'd be happier without them and that they would be happier without us.<BR></B><BR>I have to smile at this, because this is EXACTLY what my H said to me!! "You'll be better off without me, and I know you'll be fine. I didn't think you'd mind at all if I left." HELLLLLOOOOO?????<BR><B>Satan is more predictable than you might believe</B><BR>I know we can see through Satan's lies if we just stay close to God, but I guess today, I let go of God's hand, and I'm trying to walk through this on my own, and it overwhelmed me!! I guess I'd better go spend some time in my prayer closet....BTW - I DID get to the dump, and I DID vacuum my house and sweep the garage! Small victories, I guess I got something done today after all!!<BR><B>God bless you Lupo and "Be still and know I am God." Psalm 46:10. Here's hoping that you and your husband will also be "on the mend."</B><BR>It's amazing that you send me that verse....that's exactly the verse that God has given me time and time again during this whole ordeal....that's the first verse that came into my mind when I got the letter from my H telling me he was gone....I was numb, I didn't know what to say or do....then, I heard the Lord say, "Do nothing. Be still, and know that I am God."<P>Thank you so much for replying.<BR>Lupo<BR>

Dear Lupo, im not ready to face reality yet. My place is a mess and i need to get a color cartrige for my printer on top of it all. My bday is also in 2 weeks. Right now and probably for the rest of my life, i curse the day i was born. I feel like a prisoner of war, i cant get out. I want to give up, but i cant, i want to stand, but all its done is destroyed my life, I want to trust God, but am having a hard time right now of it, and i want to walk away from Him for allowing so much pain and suffering that doesnt seem to end. Your not alone, lupo. This has got to be hell for all of us who stand and trust God to restore destroyed marriages and families. The Lord must reign in my heart, cause i dont even understand why im still standing. 3 years so far, and it still looks hopeless. My wife is confused and slipping again. She cant handle the mental abuse my sister is doing to her. I pray the Lord would soon show those of us that just want to throw in the towel some mercy. <BR>Mark

Lostpup,<BR>I knew you hurting because I read your last entry and my heart aches to hear what you're going through. I know why you're having such a hard time. You have been so faithful and encouraging to others that Satan wants to keep you down. I remarked to my husband how bad I felt for what you were going through because you have been so strong for everyone here and have had such faith and so full of God's Truth. It's our turn to lift you up in prayer.<BR>Father God, you are our hope, our refuge in times of trouble. I know Satan is trying to beat him down. I pray in the power and strength of Jesus' name Lord, rebuke Satan's attempts to discourage him and cause him to doubt. <BR>Lord may these not be idle words but be filled with hope and power that a miracle will happen to intercede on his behalf and give him hope and encouragment. He's fought long and hard Lord, continue to give him the strength to keep the faith and run the race set out for him. I thank Lord for all that you've done through him to encourage so many on this site and many more that have read his posts but haven't responded before. I pray that they reach out to him now. And I thank you Lord for what you're going to do in him and in his wife as they hold onto their faith. Help them Jesus, it's in the power of your name we pray, Amen<BR>Love in Christ, ONTHEMEND

Ditto for me....<P>Hey, I started a new book by Stormie Omartain. .It's called Just Enough Light for the Step I am On. hmmmm... have you seen it? I hadn't - it was there in the bookstore just for ME (and you too I think). In the introduction she explains... God provides us with enought light for what we are going through at the moment - the step we're on. Sometimes we can't see behind us, and we sure can't see in front of us in these situations we're in. But look where you are. If you can't see, reach up, like a toddler learning to walk reaches up for a hand.. reach up for God's hand and he will take you to the next step. We don't know where that is. That illustration was beautiful to me - I picture walking up a dark stairwell, we don't know where the top is - or the bottom - but we take one step at a time and we can either see it or not.<P>But stand strong where you are becuase God knows you are there. He will not forsake you. Faith and perserverance is ALL he asks of us. <P>I not only have to keep giving my WH to God, I have to give my lack of strength to God. "God, I cannot get on with my life without you. I cannot wake up happy without your help. I cannot unload my dishwasher, get out of depression, do my work, smile, trust you. Lord I can't even trust you right now - please help me." He wants us to reach out to Him. He wants to hold your hand and tell you it's O.K. - just wait for Me. Just keep doing that Lupo. Satan will try to make you stop. Ignore him and look up. Keep doing it - even when you don't feel like it. And feel proud of yourself for achiving those small tasks! Look at your list and pick one or two things to do and do them.<P><BR>P.S. I know you know all this - you've told me and others the same. You are just venting - please do. Come to us anytime and share your frustrations! <BR>------------------<BR>Faith1<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 09, 2001).]

That phrase about being still really hit home with me. I feel so blessed that I was given this faith and I don't know what God wants from me. I have been searching for my "mission" since I was 15 and now I'm 37. <P>But maybe the mission is just to live life justly, and to be glad for the snow, the rain, the fog, the sun. For summer, for winter, for spring and fall. For children, for old people, for the sick, for the hurting. For the fact that the flowers are pretty and smell good too. For the garlic, onions, salt, spices that make eating a pleasure. For laughter, for tears that keeps us alive.<P>I thank God for all of that. For the leaves on the trees. For the smell of grass. For the mountains. The hills. The beaches.<P>Mark, I tell you today: be glad. For no other reason than that you are alive and the Lord has given you to us, be glad. We love you and we are your far away friends who do care and thank you for all your posts which lift us up.<P>And by the way, nobody is evil. Nobody. They may be under the influence of someone we know of - so we just have to pray and pray for them. Don't judge. And don't you ever curse the day you were born because you are inadvertently cursing the Holy Spirit who breathed life into you.<P>I bless the day you were born and I bless your love. You hang in there and don't give up. (That is an order!!! ;-) )<P>Relax and let God be God. He has the situation under control - don't be a backseat driver!!<P>Take care - You know I say these words because I care about you so you're not allowed to take offense, okay?<P>

Lupo, Thanks for all your help to the others which helps me too.<P>I know how you feel about getting things done - I have to go to work right now! And I am much more interested in all the love on this forum.<P>I will be with you - do a bit at a time and find ways to make it attractive. Put Christian music on and dance as you do it. Smile and you will feel better.

Thank you Trying, im better today. I was reading Job, and if Job can curse the day he was born, why cant I? Anyway, we all have those days and im thankful some are blessed by the day i was born. And that is a gift from God. I have finally forgiven my sister and have been thinking back when we were kids and how close we were. It really helped me to remember the blessed times with her. Im just going to keep praying for her. My wife and i are spending a lot of time together and it has been a great blessing this week. We really are growing closer together and that gives me a lot of hope. We are truly best friends again and she talks to me and shares her thoughts when she wants to go manic. So far the Lord has really helped me to encourage her and give her peace. Trying, your going to make it and be blessed. Its all in the hands of the living God. You always in my prayers.<BR>Onethemend, thank you for your prayers and encouragment. They really lifted me up and touched my heart.God bless you.<BR>Lupo, i hope and pray you are finding peace in the Lord thru your trials. Ive had some bad days recently, but Gods peace has finally settled on me again. I pray He does the same for us all here and just in time as always.<BR>Mark<p>[This message has been edited by Lostpup (edited July 12, 2001).]

Oh Mark, I am so happy to hear from you. I kept checking the forum to see if you were around. I was about to go thru all the old messages to see if you had left an email somewhere.<P>I am glad you are doing better and thank you so much for your prayers. I feel my H has turned a corner in some way. Now we'll let God do His thing.<P>Going back to cursing the day you were born, Job didn't have the Holy Spirit and Jesus like we do. But anyway, most of all, I want you to understand how important you are and you can't let go of that. You are a key to your wife, your son, your sister, your mom... and all of us who care about you here and who thank you for your faithfulness to us and to the Lord and who need your prayers very much. I want to give you back some of the love which you have spread so deep and wide here. Don't reject it now!! :-) Not accepting love is like not loving so be sure to accept all the love that comes your way, okay? If the pressure is too much, I still believe that it is right to take anti-depressants until you stabilize (God gave us doctors and we accept His gift). Your wife and your son need you stable and so does the Lord so you can do His will.<P>Lupo, I hope you are having a better day today. Wish I could help you with your laundry... ;-)<P>

<B>Im just going to keep praying for her. My wife and i are spending a lot of time together and it has been a great blessing this week. We really are growing closer together and that gives me a lot of hope. <P>Lupo, i hope and pray you are finding peace in the Lord thru your trials. Ive had some bad days recently, but Gods peace has finally settled on me again. I pray He does the same for us all here and just in time as always.<BR></B><P>Mark, I'm glad you are feeling better. I am too! I still haven't gotten the laundry done, but a lot of the other stuff is off me, and I am feeling closer to the Lord. I just really had a MAJOR attack by Satan. Seems a lot of us did on Monday, but I let mine take over through Tuesday and into Wednesday morning until I finally slapped myself up-side the head and stopped listening!<BR>I'm sure forgiving your sister is the first step toward healing your family and getting everyone back together (meaning with your son and W).<P>I have felt God's peace, in fact, I have felt better the last day or two than for a long time during this "thing". I pray it will last.<P>Trying, thanks for the kind thoughts and words. They truly did help. Sometimes I just want to WAKE up and have this all be a terrible, terrible dream. I am getting stuff done, altho I am working a bit slower these days, like the laundry isn't done, yet, but you know what? WHO CARES??? If I need clean clothes, I'LL DO IT!! In the meantime, there's plenty of time for me and God to just "hang" together and enjoy each other. I am learning to pray without ceasing and not have it be a chore. Praying doesn't have to be a CHORE, and big to-do thingy that we have to "prepare" for before we do it. Just do it! I'm learning this....it's becoming more and more natural and just like breathing. I am enjoying praying for my H, too. Just praying. Like asking God to watch over his faith, his health, his emotions, his decisions, give him protection. You know, all "little things" I should have been praying about all along! Now I am. I know he will feel this, and God will bless him, and me for being obedient to God and a good W to my H - even in his absence.<BR>In fact, Mark, you remember? A few weeks ago, when I said I tried to call my H about an important money matter, and his phone was turned off? Well, apparently he had it off so I COULDN'T call him!! Well, last night, my friend mentioned that she thought my H had an important paper of hers in his wallet, and she was hoping she could contact him and get it back...well, I dialed his cell phone, and it rang!! He doesn't have it turned off anymore.....could it be that he's secretly hoping i WILL phone him? He can talk to me without HIM making the first move? Well, it was funny, cause here all I've wanted for a month was to hear his voice. But when I heard the phone ring, I HUNG UP!!!! I mean, yes, it might be turned on now, but guess what??? I HAVE NOTHING TO CALL HIM ABOUT RIGHT NOW, so I won't call him. As much as I *want* to talk to him, now isn't the time, and I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE FIRST CALL> HE HAS TO CALL ME!! i'm positive about that. I feel God told me so. So I just hung up!!!! And had peace about it!!!!! pretty neat, huh?<P>Thanks again, you all, for your faith, and your prayers for me....it did make the difference, and pulled me out of the slump (or attack?).<BR>Be sure I will continue to pray for you guys, too. We WILL be victorious in this, God has promised.<BR>Lupo