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Prayer seems to be such a tenuous thing. If we ask for something very specific and it's not what God intends, then it appears that our prayer is not answered. If we ask for something too general, then we may never see God's hand at work.<P>I am finding that it works better when I ask for guidance in specific issues. But I'm also finding that the guidance I receive doesn't always take me in the direction I desire to go. So it's difficult to surrender my desires and let myself be taken in the direction of God's will.<P>The other day I was quite hurt. My H was refusing to forgive me, he wouldn't tell me why, and I couldn't understand why I was being so terribly hurt. I came here; I didn't know where else to go or what else I could do. <P>I didn't ask for guidance and I didn't receive the answer I hoped for, but I think I have received an answer:<P>I belong to a small church, supportive, but not much support in the area of divorce and singles. I had networked over to a neighboring church to see if there were divorced and single people there --- yes, but nothing organized. So on Monday night, with just a hunch, I took a chance and drove down to the largest Lutheran church in my area. I had heard that they might have singles activities. I figured that a church of that size must have something going on every night of the week. If nothing else, I should be able to pick up some literature to help me contact people in their singles group.<P>When I walked in the door I was greeted by two ladies. One asked, "Are you here for the singles planning meeting?" I was floored. I went ahead and went to the meeting and ending up meeting the secretary and out-going president of the area's Christian singles group (all-denominations). It was a planning meeting for a party, so I was meeting the movers and shakers in the group.<P>Now, I'm going on retreat the weekend of the party.....but all of this was enough to make me start shaking. <P>I went to a friend's house who lives nearby and we talked for a while. She said something about my H not wanting to forgive me shich finally made some sense --- he can't forgive others unless he can first forgive himself. With all the anger and bitterness that is inside my H, no wonder he can't forgive. No wonder he looks so horrible.<P>None of this is the answer that I eally wanted to hear, but it is what God has placed before me. And yet I'm still having trouble fighting it.<P>I see it as God leading me away from my H.....but I still would like to have him back.<P>So now I guess that I am asking for prayers of acceptance --- help in being able to accept God's will, even when it may differ from my own desires.<P>Thank you,<BR>~Amy

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I don't know your story, but I feel I must step in here.<P>Are you still married? If so, then WHY ON EARTH are you going to a SINGLE FUNCTION??? So what if it is at a church. You are a married woman. Please, stop attending this! This is the devil!<P>Next, you say that this is God's way of *leading* you away from your husband? This is the DEVIL!!! God does not want you to leave your husband. No where in the bible does is say this. <P>You must understand that the devil it shutting your eyes to the truth. This is one of the devil's scheme, and honey, you are playing right into his hands!<P>Then you say, your husband can't forgive until he forgives himself? Hmmm, well, I can't totally disagree with this, BUT, where are YOU in the forgiveness process? Have YOU forgiven yourself? Have you forgiven him ( for not meeting your needs- which I am guessing helped lead to your adultery).<P>I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but someone has got to share the truth with you. If you want your husband and you want your marriage ( which BTW, is exactly what GOD wants!) then, please, stop acting like a single woman, who is the victim here.<P>I will pray for you. I will pray that your eyes are open to the truth that lies within knowing and loving God.<P>God Bless

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Hi Amy, i would have to agree with Ceecee. God would never give an answer or greenlight for divorce. God hates divorce. The devil usually comes dressed as an angel of light. I fully believe God will answer prayers for restoration of a marriage, and heal it. However it may not be the way or the timing that we want. We tend to want it, and want it now. when we loose patience, then we try to figure out God and look for ways out. The devil will always provide a way out, and its been my experience that it usally comes thru well meaning but deceived christians. The only way your husband is going to learn to forgive is to turn his life to the Lord. As his wife, he needs to see an example of the Lords forgiveness and that will go a long ways. No matter what your husband does, if you continue to love and forgive him and trust in God to restore your marriage, your husband will start seeing christ in you and that will start a process of breaking him down. God has already given you the answers and they are in the bible in many places. start with 1 corinthians 7. Then read 1 corinthians 13. I pray the holy spirit leads you into the truth and leads you away from lies and deception. I pray the Lord gives you peace when you trust Him to heal your husband and marriage, and convicts you when you look for a way out and loose your patience in Gods timeing. In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark

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Hi Amy,<P>I don't know what your intentions were for a singles and divorce support group but I read it differently from Mark and Ceecee. I thought you were looking for people to help you stand for your marriage.<P>If that is what you are looking for, I think it's a good idea, whereas if you are looking for a new man, I totally agree with them to stay away from that activity and focus on yourself and your relationship to God.<P>In any case, I would not get involved if there are men and women but look for or form a group of same-sex prayer partners so you are not putting yourself into a very tempting situation where you could be deceived into thinking it's the will of God.<P>I also want to say to everyone that we shouldn't be so paranoid about the enemy. Don't give him any space in our life by wondering if things come from him when they might be neutral or from God. We should pray for the Holy Spirit to give us discernment and not act rashly on anything important but pray about it. If we believe we are following the Lord, are reading our Gospel and honoring the Lord every Sunday, praying to do His will - the enemy is a forgotten thing. Even if we inadvertently walk into a bad situation he tries to set up for us, if we submit to the Lord and cry out, the boring thing will be defeated.<P>I think we make a mistake if we give him too much attention. We can end up becoming afraid to do anything - literally paralyzed. I don't believe that is what Jesus would have us do. He told us to trust Him. When we do, we love Him and His commandments and do our best. We are going to fall, going to make mistakes, going to harden our hearts or close our minds sometimes but Jesus knows that. Whoever has children knows that all two year-olds are like that. But who doesn't pick up a two year-old who says Sorry after a tantrum and kiss him all over and tell him it's okay? If we sinners do that, think of the Father in Heaven and how happy He is to forgive us. That's what He sent Jesus for, not to forgive us once, but as many times as we need it.<P>Please, let's all use our mistakes to grow closer. Let's forgive each other and use sweet words (this from me - that's a good one, right Mark?? ;-) )<P>Oh well, we are all sinners but we are just lucky enough to have felt the love of the Father.<P>Peace to all - Love, T

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I suppose I better take these one at a time.<P>As an aside note, I caught myself doing something that I've chided others for doing.....trying to not listen to those who have things to say which I may disagree with. <P>I'm trying to take my lessons as they come, so please be patient with me.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ceecee:<BR><B>I don't know your story, but I feel I must step in here.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Very well, but if you use the button to go to my profile, you can then pull up the full story.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Are you still married? If so, then WHY ON EARTH are you going to a SINGLE FUNCTION??? So what if it is at a church. You are a married woman. Please, stop attending this! This is the devil!<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I am still married, but it won't be for long. We've been separated for almost a full year. He started his affair before that time and it is still continuing. He is living with his parents, and they refuse to acknowledge that he is having an affair. They believe his lies.<P>So, why am I going to a single's function? Because I'm looking for divorce support. I'm looking to make new friends (our circle of friends were limited to 'his' friends). I'm looking for people who understand the situation that I am in ---- that divorce is not my choice, but it has been forced upon me.<P>I have been going all over the place looking for 'divorce' groups. I haven't been finding any. And then this is laid in my lap --- and through it I AM being able to locate the resources I have been looking for. I didn't go there looking for a single's group. But because I trusted in the Lord to lead me, he led me to where I was afraid to go [my response had been like your's initially] ---- and by following his lead, he's led me to what I was looking for.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Next, you say that this is God's way of *leading* you away from your husband? This is the DEVIL!!! God does not want you to leave your husband. No where in the bible does is say this. <P>You must understand that the devil it shutting your eyes to the truth. This is one of the devil's scheme, and honey, you are playing right into his hands!<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I don't know God's plan ---- do you?<P>Maybe this is just his way of providing for me while my H is off in La-la land. Maybe my marriage was meant to teach me to empathize with the situations of others, to humble me.<P>I don't want this divorce. But I do have to take care of myself and my daughter. I do have to seek out supportive people. <P>I did not leave my H; he is the one that left. I know that my life has actually gotten better since he left. He looks horrible, yet is in denial about everything. <P>Making friends, living life, learning about what a relationship should be ---- these are things that I need to be doing for myself while my H is still in the fog. It may be two or three years before he wakes up. It will do none of us any good if I sit at home, pine away, and grow cold and bitter inside.<P>This single's group is working on the things that I have been looking for --- they offer divorce support, relationship lessons, understanding, and friendship.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Then you say, your husband can't forgive until he forgives himself? Hmmm, well, I can't totally disagree with this, BUT, where are YOU in the forgiveness process? Have YOU forgiven yourself? Have you forgiven him ( for not meeting your needs- which I am guessing helped lead to your adultery).<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Yes - I've made my peace with God. My adultery was over four years ago - and it was with the permission and participation of my H. I *thought* that he had forgiven me. We had even moved on to have a daughter.<P>I'm thinking that when he started getting attached to this OW, it flooded back in on him. So he's gotten himself under a double-blanket of guilt.<P>I am working on forgiving my H. How he did/does not meet my needs is that he places his friends before his family. It's even so with his parents. He still won't acknowledge this as a problem and is placing all the blame on me. His adultery....that I can somewhat understand and am inclined to forgive. But it's a situation where he's still doing it.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but someone has got to share the truth with you. If you want your husband and you want your marriage ( which BTW, is exactly what GOD wants!) then, please, stop acting like a single woman, who is the victim here.<P>I will pray for you. I will pray that your eyes are open to the truth that lies within knowing and loving God.<P>God Bless</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't think I'm acting like a single woman. It's been a year since my H life. I have not dated another man. A kiss on the cheek and a hug is the closest that I've gotten to any man since he left.<P>I've spent the past year rebuilding myself, my relationships with my family, and a few old friendships that I had been forced to drop. Now I want to expand out and make new friends....learn about what is beyond that little world that my H kept us confined to. <P>But I am by no means a truly single woman. I am a mother and I am a teacher. You're not going to find me running around at all hours of the night doing who knows what.<P>~Amy<p>[This message has been edited by out of the fog (edited July 12, 2001).]

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lostpup:<BR><B>Hi Amy, i would have to agree with Ceecee. God would never give an answer or greenlight for divorce. God hates divorce. The devil usually comes dressed as an angel of light. I fully believe God will answer prayers for restoration of a marriage, and heal it. However it may not be the way or the timing that we want. We tend to want it, and want it now. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Mark, I have been praying. <P>My H's affair is still going on. His parents are still in denial of it, and he's still lying to them.<P>I know that his guilt is beginning to weigh on him. But he is still blaming me and he holds so much anger inside.....<P>I think we're going to have to go through with the divorce.....I cannot stop it when he is intent on having it (the rules of our state).<P>I am hoping that afterwards he'll realize that divorce doesn't really change anything ---- that he'll realize that he's only added more problems to problems that have not been dealt with.<P>The Bible says to wait for the adulterer to repent and return. But I do need to live my life in the meantime.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>when we loose patience, then we try to figure out God and look for ways out. The devil will always provide a way out, and its been my experience that it usally comes thru well meaning but deceived christians. The only way your husband is going to learn to forgive is to turn his life to the Lord. As his wife, he needs to see an example of the Lords forgiveness and that will go a long ways. No matter what your husband does, if you continue to love and forgive him and trust in God to restore your marriage, your husband will start seeing christ in you and that will start a process of breaking him down. God has already given you the answers and they are in the bible in many places. start with 1 corinthians 7. Then read 1 corinthians 13.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>So- serve the Lord until my H repents and returns. Attending functions for singles doesn't mean that I'm being unfaithful. <P>But face it, you don't find support for people who are divorced among married couples. More often I feel that people are looking at me and I feel like they are saying 'what did she do wrong to cause her H to leave her?' <P>I'm finding the opposite with the singles group. I'm finding the education that I need for me and the support that I'll need in order to forgive my H and to encourage me on the road ahead.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I pray the holy spirit leads you into the truth and leads you away from lies and deception. I pray the Lord gives you peace when you trust Him to heal your husband and marriage, and convicts you when you look for a way out and loose your patience in Gods timeing. In Jesus name, Amen<BR>Mark</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Mark - I found all of this frustrating when all of it first happened. It's not what *I* wanted.....not what *I* envisioned. But God knows what I need.<P>I let go.....and it was only when I let go that I finally found what I had been searching for.<P>~Amy<BR>

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Hi Amy, This place is generally marital support, at least the prayer request part of MB. My wife filed for divorce after the first year of seperation.(3 years so far) I told her i wouldnt accept it and would stand in front of a judge and tell the court, that i love her and i dont think her doing dope and having affairs is a good enough reason for her to divorce me. It was a good enough reason for me to divorce her and im not the one who wants the divorce. My wife knew i was serious, so she dropped the divorce. Ive been thru more hell than most and decided to listen to God, and His word instead of well meaning people that told me about my rights. Jesus had rights and layed them down for our salvation. How do we know Gods will? By living His example. Faith is believing what we cannot see. If we base our faith and direction God has for us on our feelings and circumstances, then that isnt faith, thats lack of faith. Until one believes nothing is too great for the Lord, we continue on in life defeated by the enemy. We shouldnt fear the enemy because God created our enemy and keeped him around for His purposes. To turn us from sin, and to give us a choice. The enemy can do nothing without permission from God. Read Job. Im on my 3rd year of seperation and my wife hit bottom and turned her heart back to the Lord and to me, her husband. She hated me with a passion for the first 2 years of seperation. My wife is in love with me today and we are slowly allowing God to restore our marriage and family. She is still in a drug treatment home and our families are dead set againts us getting back together, but God has made it real clear that He isnt. The enemy has made it clear that our marriage being restored is a big threat to his plans. Im not afraid of the devil anymore, the devil is afraid of me. Cause i have decreassed and Christ has increased in me. I live to give God glory. I cant see Gods name glorified by divorce. I also cant see His name glorified by not trusting Him and giving up on a God that created the heavens and the earth. Can He not restore a marriage? Sure we have freewill, but God made us and knows how to break that freewill. He did it with me, and He has done it with my wife. We also have a freewill to acknoledge a divorce or not. I have noticed throught my stand that many give God a year and thats it. Thats there answer to quit and give up. In 1 corinthians 13 it says love is patient, which means longsuffering. How can we love if we are unwilling to suffer the time God chooses for us, instead of the time we chose. We were bought at a price. By Jesus shed blood. I wholeheartly believe that Gods will is to always restore a marriage. But we need to fully trust in Him to do so, no matter what the cost. Look what our salvation cost Him.<BR>Mark

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Mark,<P>It's clear that we each have different conceptions of how God expresses His desires. It's not the first time that I've run into this, nor will it be the last.<P>Women's brains are designed to be more emotional, whereas men's are more logical [this is scientific fact]. So, perhaps God does speak to you in a different way. Who's to say about the subtle nuances that each of us have in our individual development? <P>What I have learned is that God doesn't intend for a person to sit around and wait for him to do something --- gee, aren't there parables about this?<P>I asked for God to guide me --- he did. I didn't know where it would lead, I didn't know when it would appear, I didn't know what I would find.<P>I went to the church looking for Divorce Recovery info. I didn't find a divorce group --- but I found a single's group that has led me to the divorce group. And it's also led me to education about relationships and support for being a single mother.<P>You've been at this for 3 years. I've been doing this for only one. If I have 2 more years to go then I need to spend them doing something other than focused on my H. I DO have things within myself that I need to fix. I DO need a support group. I DO need friends.<P>Why can't God be providing me with these things? Providing me with what He knows I'll need if I'm to face a long trial.<P>The things that I am finding are no different than what Harley says to do with Plans A&B. Yet I am being attacked because I am facing a divorce. Because I have had to accept that my divorce IS very likely and that as long as my H wants to do it, I can't stop it. <P>No, I don't think divorce is right.<BR>No, I don't want it.<P>But God DOES allow bad things to happen. God does allow divorce to happen. <P>This OW, these so-called 'friends' of my H, the way his parents ignore his sins, and the bitterness and anger that are inside of him ----> I'm more likely to call those things the workings of the Devil.<P>Divorce does not void the vows taken before God. It only deals with how the government handles your paperwork. [My grandparents were married in a church, but when they came to the U.S. via Cuba they had to get married again because the government did not recognize their first marriage....they were required to have a civil ceremony.]<P>I believe that God does not give us more than we can handle. He will provide. Man's divorce does not mean that I have to give up on my marriage.<P>I can still make a Stand. I see God as provisioning me for the long road I still must travel. <P>Mark -- hasn't He given you support when needed over the past several years? Did He prepare and provision you?<P>~Amy

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Amy, im a little confused by your last reply. First off, i dont remember advocating just sitting around dwelling on your pain and situation. We choose to get on with our life, when we choose to get out of bed that day and go to work, etc. I stopped waiting on her and started waiting on God as His word clearly teaches. As far as woman being more emotional, etc. i dont get your point. Jesus was a man. We are to be like Jesus, not what science tells us to be. Im a very emotional erson and feel pain just like anyone else, woman or man. I too have dealt with this situation also, many times along the way. If God hadent been there for me thruout these years i would be dead. Divorce support is just that, people looking for support to divorce. Why in Gods name is there so much of that in the church's is beyond me.Dont get me wrong, people that divorce need some serious help and love from the bretheren. But im for an ounce of cure is worth a pound of prevention and you will be hard pressed to find a church that has marital support. <BR>You said mans divorce doesnt mean you have to give up on your marriage. I totally agree. Maybe im missunderstanding you. But i think for the most part the advice here is to not put yourself in a position to be lead astray and end up in an affair yourself. Ive been there and done that. It took away my peace of the Lord. And i felt it was Gods leading to boot. I humble myself and have to admit i was deceived. I try to allow Gods Holy Spirit to perceive Gods word for me. If we perceive with our own minds we are then lead by our feelings. My feelings are so powerful that i need Gods help to come againts them. Gods word also warns to walk in the spirit and not in the flesh. Meaning, trusting in God instead of our own logic. I hope that you understand what im saying and we are here to pray and support you. We all need to grow in the Lord and many of us here have learned so much by each others experience's just as we have learned by others in our church's and communities. God Bless you and i pray you grow in the Lord as He heals and works out your life.<BR>Mark

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Mark, this is my second time writing this, the first got lost.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lostpup:<BR><B>Divorce support is just that, people looking for support to divorce.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'll have to disagree with this one. The people initiating the divorce are usually ok with it. It's the people who are forced into a divorce that they don't want who are the one's that need the support.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>But i think for the most part the advice here is to not put yourself in a position to be lead astray and end up in an affair yourself.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Heard, understood, and I too have similiar concerns. But after meeting this group of people last night, I don't think I have too much to worry about. Most have people that they are currently dating. And I get the distinct impression that if I told them that I was Standing for my marriage but looking for support and friendship during this time, I think they will understand. It may be one of the few groups of people who might understand.<P>~Amy

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Hi Amy,<P>I guess you must feel like we're jumping on you. We don't mean to at all. When you read the words it can seem so cold - but there is love behind this typing.<P>I guess we don't want you to give up or fall in love with somebody who knows what you've been through. It's easy to fall in love when you are feeling rejected because the new person seems to help you heal. It's particularly easy to fall in love with a Christian who's been through it.<P>Anyway, just remember to stay away from situations that could lead you to sin and if you can, try to stick with women. Your husband is going to break through that fog - sit tight. <P>I hope you will find others who are STANDING, not dating. I think that is our concern. I'm with you about meeting people, making friends, making your house a house of joy, praying together. I think it's all very great. <P>I just want you to hang tight for your husband because despite his wishes, you are one flesh. It sounds like you want the same thing and I hope our "virtual friendship" can help you through this rough time. <P>God bless you and all your new friends - <BR>Peace.<P>T<P>

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Amy, ive been involved in a marital support group and im speaking from experience. I got around people who were standing and some of them didnt really have their hearts in it. My love and dedication to my wife for some reason made me very attractive to members of the opposite sex. One particular woman saw how long i have been standing and must of thought to herself that she wished she had such commitment from a man. She then proceeded to seduce me and tell me i put my 200 % into the restoration of my marriage and it was time for me to give up and move on cause she wanted to and with me. I hadent heard from my wife for 7 months and she was out killing herself with drugs. I figured i needed someone to be there for me when my wife succeded.(she almost did) i fell for it and tried to give up on my wife and move on with another woman. Then my wife calls from a treatment facility and told me the bottom hit her(she overdosed bad) this time and she wanted to see me. My wife was humbled and we started seeing each other and i told her about my affair and my wife told me that she didnt like it, but she definantly deserved it. After a few months we fell in love with each other again and i told the other woman to go back to her husband and work out her marriage. She did. My wife and i have been growing closer for the last 9 months and she is still in a treatment home, but we are on our way to seeing our marriage restored. Now some tell me im the strongest stander they have ever met. If i can fall and be deceived, anybody can and thats my point. Although my wife had many affairs, and she is the one whom left, im still very ashamed for what i did. Mainly because i gave up on God and got tired of waiting for Him.<BR>The bible says have no confidence in the flesh. If we forget that, guess who shows up with a plan. The bad guy from below. Now if the enemy is so predictable as God says in his word, then shouldnt we also take Gods word as truth. God isnt a lier, and the enemy tries to get us to believe God is. The Lord is rewarder of those who earnestly seek Him. Is anything to hard for the Lord? Galations 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Psalm 118:8 It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.<BR>The things that have helped me the most throughout my stand is Gods word and ministering to others that are going thru what ive been thru and am going thru. When we serve the Lord, He starts to bless us. We all will make many mistakes and are tested severly going thru marital discord. It brings out both the best and the worst in us. May the Lord give you His strenth to make it to the finish line.<BR>Mark

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Mark,<P>I've already said that I did have an affair over four years ago. And yes.....I'll have to agree that there is some sort of Devil that works to create these things.<P>The gentleman, for nevertheless -- that is what he is, was quite upstanding. Validictorian of his HS class, National Merit finalist, black belt in martial arts, poet, singer, dancer..... and wanting to be a minister.<P>I was hurt because my H was pushing from one of the most meaningful parts of his life ---- his friends told me that I didn't belong. I protested. I tried reasoning with him. Nothing worked. He flat out said that he believed in his friends over me.<P>At my H's request I had gotten to know the young man....and we found that we had a lot in common. He was quickly becoming a kind of protoge' of my H. But it also meant that when my H had business to attend to, he left me alone with his protoge'.<P>We went camping out of state. My H went early in the week and went and toured a lot of little shops with a small group of ladies that are his friends. I had to work during the week. When I arrived on the weekend I asked my H if he wanted to go see the shops with me (I wanted to spend some time alone with him).....he told me no. Instead, he asked his protoge to go with me. He didn't pay any attention to me that weekend. He never questioned anything that took place between me and his protoge ---- but surely he must have seen what was happening. He chose to spend the time with his friends.....not with his wife.<P>Even that final night of the affair ---- I pleaded with my H to not send me away.....to let me stay with him, that I did not want to leave him. And he, bolstered by the support of his teacher and his teacher's wife, sent me off with the OM. At a time when I knew I was weak and I did not want to be alone with the OM.<P>I've learned that my affair grew out of my cry for love and attention from my H. That the Devil can twist into the lives of the best of people ---- no one is immune. That God did allow the affair to happen for a reason --- to humble me, to teach the young man [how can a minister tend if he is now aware of the dangers?], and very possibly to set us up for this situation.<P>My H betrayed me with my best friend when we first started dating. [Forgive, but don't forget --- so that you can learn from the lesson.] Now's he's doing it again. Additionally, I found out that he did the exact same thing as current with a previous long-term girlfriend. And, when I had my affair, only at that time did I find out that he had been the OM in an affair with a married woman.<P>I strongly believe that there is something that he has yet to learn......something that he needs to learn in order to grow ----- but I don't know what that is.<P>Maybe if I Stand he can figure it out.<P>~Amy<P>PS: Mark, I've found your website off of your profile. Is it OK if I contact you off-forum sometime? And what can you tell me about the two other support groups you have posted there?<P>Thanks.<BR>

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 370
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Hi Amy, im sorry i really dont know a whole lot about your story, i dont see anything in your profile about it. You can contact me anytime. mauer62@hotmail.com<BR>I agree with trying that its easy to misunderstand here on a forum, and that most of us only desire to encourage and to love each other. For me its very hard to find the kind of support ive gotten here out in the real world. Ive been persecuted in a few church's and i didnt preach or really say much to anyone about how they should live. Many got defensive, because they divorced there mates for far less than what ive already been thru and they couldnt understand why nor how could i still love my wife. To be honest, i cant understand it myself. It is truly a gift from God. I only asked for prayers and support from my fellow christians and some just told me to flat out get a divorce. Im still friends with the pastor and he has always been supportive of me so although i dont attend his church, i still get counsel and encouragment from him. Its funny cause when i acually gave up for a time, Then the Lord started to do some serious work and brought my wife back into my life and we are growing very close ever since. I suppose i reached all i could handle. God still has to work out some details, but at least both my wife and my hearts are in the right place. When that happened the enemy attacked my finances, i lost my job and my sister whom has my son is now trying to keep him from me. Both my Mom and sister are divorced and they have grown very angry and resentful towards me for still loving my wife. So im learning that when people's hearts get exposed they tend to do evil things so they dont have to face there bitterness, anger and unforgiveness. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness doesnt understand it. The way i see it is if the enemy is so opposed to my marriage being restored, then God has a very special plan for the restoration of my marriage. The Lord allows the attacks to encourage me and give me hope. My marriage was dead and the enemy has sent guards to make sure no one moves the rock to the grave. It didnt work with Jesus and it isnt going to work on our marriage. The Lord is going to raise our marriage up from the dead and has already started. Its also intersesting to note that my wifes name is Stacey and her name means to be resurrected. King David went thru some deep waters and his biggest complaint was that the Lords name was shamed by what the enemy was doing to him. David was known as a man after Gods own heart. He cared about Gods glory. At times David complained to God in his pain that has God forgotten to have mercy. David didnt like Gods timing anymore than most of us. I live to give God glory. I had enough for myself thruout my life and it didnt give me any peace. I was a world class guitarist in heavy metal bands when i was younger. One day i left Los Angeles and gave it all to God and chose to follow Him. Music was my life and now i dont care. I rarely pick up a guitar anymore.<BR>I wanted to go back to Oregon and find me a wife and get married and have kids. I did just that. My marriage was harder on me than the hard rock dope doing life of a muscian. I wouldnt of changed a thing, and i still dont regret marrying my wife. I am Gods special grace to her. She means a lot to the Lord and He has made that real clear to me and He gave me a love for her i dont fully understand. I lay my life down for her and its in my heart to do so. God will see me thru all my trials and His name shall be glorified. As a bonus, our tears and prayers are treasures in heaven. <BR>Dear Lord, i lift my sister Amy up to you that you would touch her heart and give her your strenth to walk thru her trials of fire. Lord, make it more clear to her what you would have her do and encourage her during the times when she just wants to throw in the towel. Come againts the enemies schemes upon her mind and heart, and Lord i pray that you would have mercy on her husband as you humble him and bring him to his face before you Lord. In Jesus name, Amen


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