My story:<P>My wife left me for another man 6 months ago. I haven’t had much contact since then, but I’m determined to do whatever I can to save our marriage. It’s tough and my own strength faded away a long time ago. I have lost hope again and again, but it seems to come back everytime even in the most hopeless moments. It’s a God thing. It’s shocking to see what’s going on with my wife. What she is doing is so much against her character. My wife is (was?) a very radical devoted Christian. She got even a master’s degree in Theology. The last two years we were both working in full time ministry. We were very busy and I messed up the priorities, neglecting my wife, even though we were working together full time. I am aware of the many mistakes I did. I failed as a husband. Many many things came together and then the big crash came as I found out about my wife comitting adultery. It was a nightmare and still is. In one moment everything fell apart. There are things like a identity crises, idealistic expectations, unmet needs, burn out syndrom, failing husband and so on that could explain the fall of my wife, but I think it is more than that. It is not only psychological. There must be as well a spiritual part of that and it seems to be huge. The confusion and deception of my wife is massive. It is unreal. It would be too simple to blame some ugly demon completely for this mess. There is free will involved almost everytime we sin, and there are as well all the psychological reason to fall in love with the „real soulmate“, leaving a marriage behind and with it all the values and beliefs once kept so high. But the „fog“ and all the destruction must come from demonic activity big time, I guess.<BR>I am currently in plan B. I did plan A, but my wife left shortly after I found out. There is not much I can do at the moment. I trust that God will change both of us through this terrible experience. My life is in God’s hands and so is my wife and our marriage. I hope with all my heart that we will find together again. <BR>I pray everyday for my wife. I don’t see the effect of my prayers at this moment, because I don’t see her, don’t hear her, nothing. So I simply trust, and it is a daily struggle to do so. This is how I usually pray:<P>- I thank God for my wife, that He brought us together and for how wonderful He has made her<BR>- I bless my wife with God’s blessing, His wisdom, His love, His protection<BR>- I pray that God would reveal the truth to my wife and that He would give her the strength and the courage to end the relationship with the OM<BR>- I pray for clarity in her thinking<BR>- I pray for fear of God<BR>- I pray specifically against the relationship between her and the OM. I break all the soul ties and the bondages between them in Jesus name. I curse it as Jesus cursed the fig tree to whither and die…<BR>- I pray against all the demonic influence and manipulation flowing through the OM, still blessing him that he would get to know God<BR>- I pray against all the demonic influence directed at my wife e.g.: confusion, deception, lies, rebellion, manipulation, rejection, self justification, shame, fear, etc..<BR>- I put her under the protection of Jesus Christ and pray that God would put angels around her and keep the burning arrows from hurting her.<BR>- I pray for protection for her health. I pray that she wouldn’t get pregnant and that she wouldn’t get std’s.<BR>- I give all to God: Thy will not mine…<P>These are some ideas. I pray a lot in tongues too. I think it would be interesting to know how each of us is praying for our beloved spouses. So please share your prayer strategies and your experience. <P>mike<BR>

Thank you for this great advice about how to pray. I will try to remember it always.<P>I normally pray for my husband's conversion and for the conversion of the OW. I pray that they will wake up and realize what they are doing is wrong. I pray that she will not get pregnant - that the Lord will close her womb while she's in this relationship. I pray for my husband to want to come home and for us to have a better relationship, based on Jesus, when he does come home.<P>I pray for his guardian angel and her guardian angel to do their jobs and keep them away from each other. I pray that my prayers will build a hedge around my husband so that he doesn't want her anymore.<P>I pray for my daughter to be a great Christian and for the Lord to lessen her pain and draw her close to Him.<P>I am so glad you shared with us what you do - that was very inspired and inspiring.<BR>

My Husband moved into a hotel on May 20th. He now has a small apartment and has given me a separation agreement to sign. <P>How do I pray? I walk through OUR home and pray for peace and grace in each room,regularly. I pray that only God's peace enter and that good things happen here. I pray every morning and several time's throughout the day the Prayer of Jabez. <P>I pray over our bed that it not be defiled. I pray for his protection from all things bad. I ask God to speak to his heart so that he may see the truth. I ask that if need be break his legs,give him a heart attack (whatever it takes, Father I ask that you do it!)<BR>I pray that God change me so that I may see and be able to change my ways that helped make this situation.<BR>I pray forgiveness for my shortcomings and his. I pray for restoration to a new marriage-one that would please God.<P>I pray that my tongue be guarded so that I say nothing from fear or anger. <BR>I pray for my children and their peace. <P>I give thanks for being able to pay the bills,feed the kids.......have a nice roof over our heads.....etc.<P>I also thank God for the many times he HAS answered my prayers.<P>I ask him for positive signs and you know...........I get them when I need them most.<P>I believe, as you do I'm sure, that situations such as these are dire indeed. However, I also KNOW that whatever we ask for in prayer is ours. <P>May God bless you.<P>LKD

Mike.<BR> Thank you for sharing your prayers with us. These are truly inspirational. I pray for my WH in this way:<P>- I pray for a hedge of protection around him from Satan's attacks.<BR>- I pray God will allow him (H) to feel my love for him, even tho he is rejecting it<BR>- I pray (also) that God will reveal his truth to H AND OW, and give H wisdom to know how to get out of this situation (I need to pray for strength for that, too)<BR>- I (also) pray for protection from unwanted diseases<P>Some of your prayers I will add:<BR>- I thank God for my wife, that He brought us together and for how wonderful He has made her<BR>- I pray for clarity in her thinking (similar to above 2nd to last one)<BR>- I pray for fear of God<BR>- I pray against all the demonic influence directed at my wife e.g.: confusion, deception, lies, rebellion, manipulation, rejection, self justification, shame, fear, etc..<BR>- I give all to God: Thy will not mine…<P>OTHERS ARE PRAYING THIS WITH ME - I pray specifically against the relationship between her and the OM. I break all the soul ties and the bondages between them in Jesus name. I curse it as Jesus cursed the fig tree to whither and die…<BR>I MUST ADD THIS ONE< ALTHOUGH I DONT WANT TO - I pray against all the demonic influence and manipulation flowing through the OM, still blessing him that he would get to know God<P>Mike, I got the book from Stormie Omartin, Power of a Praying Wife, and began reading and praying it. I think it helps. There are 30 chapters, or topics, such as his health, protection (such as sickness or accidents), his self-image, his fears, his temptations (!), his work, there are more, but I just got it. Others have recommended it. I am praying one a day for him. If you have not seen it, it is WONDERFUL! I know people who use it for wives as well as for H's. It made me realize that even though he is not here, physically, I am his W and I am commanded to pray for him, and so I shall. He'll be blessed by it, and God can bring us closer because of it! Before I made that little "revelation" I was only praying for God to "heal" him (as I knew God was healing ME, and convicting me of my sins in our M, too) so that he would come home. Then I became aware that I needed to pray about other areas of his life, everyday things. It has helped me. It helps me feel closer to him, and gives me peace about God's hand in our M, and that God is working, even though I can't see it.<P>Also, have you gone to RejoiceMinistries.org? They have a "Stander's Prayer" for standing on God's promises for your M. It is also excellent. Go there and claim it for your M.<P>Thank you again, for sharing. It has helped me a lot to be a better prayer warrior in this completely SPIRITUAL WAR.<P>Lupo

Hi Mikoman, your a true man of God. You seem to have a clear direction from the Lord and have heeded the call. keep standing brother. Gods name will be glorified thru you and He will restore your wife and marriage. This isnt an easy road, but somebody has to walk it. I call it the narrower road myself. I tend to pray Like Hannah in the OT. The peace of God really touches my heart when im crying and praying at the same time. After ive cried hard and shared with the Lord about how i feel, its like the holy spirit then leads me into the things i should pray for. A lot of it was foriving my wife and enemies and praying for her heart to be changed and asking God for His strenth to make it thru, cause my strenth was gone. May the Lord continue to give you His strenth and see you thru your heartbreaking trials until restoration is compleate.<BR>Mark

Hi, Mikoman. thanks for your post and everyone's ideas here about prayer. I wanted to post as I was also in full time ministry with my husband until Feb 15 when I confessed my A to H. I was suspended till July 17 (very soon now) but we chose to resign effective June 29. <P>H took sick leave as he has thyroid cancer...much better now and now we know it is not terminal (it's one of the more curable kinds but it can recur in other ways) but there is concern it has spread to his shoulder. So during my suspension and his sick leave from March till mid June (I worked for almost a month May31- June 20 in a ladies clothing store) we had a great deal of time to work on our relationship. We noticed how unhealthy our family life was not just because of me but also the hectic pace, etc.<BR>We chose to resign so we could focus on building a healthy family and marriage. H may have an opportunity for ministry again very soon. <P>Do you have kids?<P>I am always interested in anyone in ministry that I come across on the board, along with all the other fascinating people here who give unique perspective and insight and great wisdom. <P>Blessings and hang in there with those prayers. God gave me a very interesting insight into Exodus 8 the other night..how Moses was asked by Pharoah whose heart was hardened to pray against the plagues...I know it's not the same at all...but your wife has a hardened heart and we know Moses didn't just pray for the plagues to be lifted...he prayed for Pharoah..that's a given...he had to travail in prayer and it didn't happen presto boom but he did lead the people to the Promised Land...keep trusting God's promises to which He is faithful and His love for you and His desire for you and your wife. <P>Blessings.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

dear Freshstart,<P>I read your story and I'm glad you found your way back to your husband. You want to know more, because we have been in full time ministry? OK. We were working the last couple of years as musicians for an international ministry, based in the USA. We were doing evangelistic shows, using the music of our time to communicate the gospel. It was a good time, but the same time it was very exhausting. I don't know what exactly happenend with my wife. She seemed to get more and more frustrated with her life, even though we were very active, travelling the whole world and experiencing many great things. Somehow she became unhappy and made the decision to be happy again, no matter what the costs. She never really told me, or I didn't want to hear. We both idealized our marriage extremely. We didn't have fights the first three years of our marriage. This was mainly, because my wife would avoid them. We thought, we are the perfect couple. It hurts so much to look now at the wreck of marriage we have. We were very proud. Now it's a shame. Fortunately we don't have kids. The good thing about this fact is, that no kids get hurt. The bad thing is, that there is one reason less to work on our marriage for her. Well, there are enough people out there that don't consider children a reason to keep the marriage alive, but still I guess, it would be some motivation for her. <P>I think that if you can't be content and happy by yourself, and expect someone else to make you happy, then you are not ready for a relationship. The more we expect, the more we get disappointed. My wife expected lots of me. But I'm only a human being. I'm not God. I can't provide her with the peace we receive from God. She was once a very radical Christian. I pray that she would find back to the source of true love, grace, mercy. Love is something so wonderful. I think we missed the real love most of the time in our marriage. On the outside we made big words about love and really meant them. But behind all that we just wanted our needs met. It's the ugly truth. I'm not any better than my wife. I gave much less than she gave me. Most of the times it was all about me and not about her. I so wish that God would teach me how to really love and help to forget myself in it. I'm learning. Our ego is our biggest enemy. Freedom is to be free from our ego. This is were we find pure love. It's a long way to go.<P>peace<P>mike

Thank you mikoman for your topic and prayers. I too, pray the Stormie Omartian prayers (Power of a Praying Wife) for my husband. It's all the prayers everyone has listed above. I have a basic prayer that I pray several times a day, and the Prayer of Jabez, then I pray for about an hour every night - all the prayers in Stormie's book. I pray all throughout the day "Dear Lord, give my H clarity, integrity, insight, hope, and a desire to know your truth. Give me strength, faith, energy, and patience. And sever the A relationship." <P>I am truly learning to let God teach me, change me, and show me how to live for Him. My H is totally acting unlike himself - as you mentioned your W is. We have been married 7 years, no kids, and we too, have not depended on God for our individual happiness - we looked to each other and the marriage. Everyone - including me - thought we had a wonderful relationship. I knew I shouldn't take it for granted -- but I guess I did. Then, all of a sudden 9 weeks ago, we woke up and realized something was terribly wrong. Well, H says he knew something was always wrong, but he didn't like confrontation and never brought up his unhappiness. He just tried to make it work. So we wake up decide there is a problem....I chose to work on it and seek God for help, H chose to run out and then fall into an A. He hasn't let go of OW, got a apartment, and thinks his marriage was always "unhappy", we wern't put together by God, and doesn't ever think it can be restored. Well, you and I and everyone here know that God can create life from death and heal any marriage. I'm holding on to my faith that God wants our marriage to succeed - He has the power to restore it at any moment - God is bigger than my H's will, his deceiving heart, and Satan.<P>Oh yeah, and one more prayer I do is to thank God for this crisis! In all things give thanks! I trust that He is doing great things for His kingdom through this trial. I am learning so much, and I hope my H comes out a winner as well.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 16, 2001).]

Faith1,<P>thanks for sharing your story. There are definitely many similarities. My wife also thought she tried everything to work on our marriage. Unfortunately nobody else knew she was trying to do something about it except her. Some people were asking her how our relationship would be, including her parents. She always said, we are doing great. Noone knew about her difficulties. She says it was unbearable, but again, nobody knew about it. I realized that something was wrong but I just thought it will be better again. Well, I still believe that.<BR>I'm learning also very much about me and God. All this time spent alone is not wasted. I'm learning so much, it's incredible. It is a tough time, but also very precious. My relationship with God is better and more intimate than ever. I'm getting much more mature. This crises is boosting my development in character like nothing else. It's not comfortable, but definitely very effective. This is the really good stuff that is happening too. God is in control and He is using anything for our good, even the sin of our spouses. Sounds weird as I write it, but this is what seems to be true in my life.<P>peace with you<P>mike

wow. what a similar story! My H is the same way. Says he did "everything he could".. Yeah - everything except TELL ME!!?? Or get us to a counselor... or read a book (HNHN or Dobson's) It's spooky that our situations seem so similar, but on one hand, makes me feel better that there's nothing "weird" about me or my H - that it happens to other people. <P>I have so much faith that God can restore our marriages. We know He CAN - He's stronger than the enemy, and He wants marriages to succeed! But I also know that He allows things to happen to us, and He may not give us the answer we're looking for. I'm prepared either way. God will provide all my needs during this crisis, and will help me if my H refuses to see the truth. <P>By the way, you are reading and posting on GQII aren't you? Read and learn all about Plan A and Plan B. It helps me tremendously.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 18, 2001).]

mikoman,<BR>How are you doing?<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28